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Post by JohnG on Mar 23, 2007 16:13:01 GMT -5
I heard the voice loud and clear today on a 12 drive to Barcelona. I wanted to listen. The voice wanted me to fantasize and for a while I listened. I WANTED to listen. But I didnĀ“t.
I called another addict and talked it out, stopped at a gas station (which here in Spain is a dangerous thing in itself as the average BP station here could give the neighborhood sex shop a run for its money. But I gassed up (still had 3/4 tank but hey, you do what you gotta do), got a coke, had a walk. All better. I heard it once more, for a second, I stopped at a rest strop for a walk, all ok.
JohnG
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Post by iwanttoquit on Mar 24, 2007 2:14:40 GMT -5
I had it all last night, till about 6am this morning: "switch on your pc and look at p".. (2 seconds later) "switch on your pc and look at p" .. repeat hardly slept at all. the early days are difficult! edit: 2 hours later, "the voice" told me to do some "educational research" on Wikipedia (anything that's on Wikipedia can't be bad for me, right?). Wrong! d'oh. I did manage to stop quite quickly but I'm back to day 0
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Post by Padraig on Mar 24, 2007 8:08:47 GMT -5
I'm filing a VR, pronto. I haven't heard the voice in a while, but the voice knows when I'm weak. I've been sick as a dog for a couple of days with the flu. I'm home alone for a good part of the day today and the voice is screaming at me like banshees.
So I'm filing this report & washing my hands of the voice. I'm not listening.
Peace,
Paddy
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Post by zerotolerance on Mar 24, 2007 9:06:00 GMT -5
This is a great thread. And this is exactly how we reprogram ourselves imo. I had all sorts of intrusive voices who were squatting in by brain until I started kicking them out. It works the same for whatever bad thing. Like, I have the ones about not doing the dishes, and the laundry, and the worst ones are the intrusive passive agressive thoughts. I hear the voice, I know it is me, it sounds like me, it rides in on thoughts in my very own head, but at the same time I also know it is not ME, not normal for me, nor anatural thought for me. I don't like the intrusiveness, I don't like having foreign thoughts about unpleasent things wandering loose in my mind. Having these thoughts, whether it is about checking out someones butt, or putting an axe in someone's head, are all examples of the intrusive effects of objectification, and p, etc.....
It's in the filters we get from consumption or association. Everything ends up going thru the p filter, or the pain filter, or the "poor me" filter, or the "special me" filter, or whatever filter, even when don't even realize we have these filters. So it makes sense that if you consume enough pics of womens bottoms (and esp if one mbs too), then you'd learn to check them out in public too. When a view of our butts hits your p filter, then your thoughts would go there (back to p/sex) automatically, unless and until, you make the effort to remove the filter. The first step to is recognizing that we have them to begin with, then stopping the cause, and then learning how to reprogram ourselves by putting better thoughts in to begin with. Eventually, if we fight them long enough, and don't give in no matter what, and fill our lives up with other things, then they go away. Our own thoughts become our immunity shield per se.
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Post by zerotolerance on Mar 24, 2007 9:25:24 GMT -5
P.S. I've noticed (thru my covert monitoring) that Fridays are a regular p-ng day for my h. So the comment about "it's friday, so I deserve it" is interesting to me. I've been wondering what my h's thought process is, and that comment could very well be one in there. But I've been calling it his "date night", and thinking his thoughts run along the lines of "it's friday aka date night"!! or something like that. (As if, fantasizing about a date is having one). My point is, we never know what we might say that might be significant to someone else reading around here. Any comment, no matter how common, or inoculous it might seem, can potentially offer insight for another, often in bizarre ways. ya know?
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Post by nowforever on Mar 24, 2007 21:39:45 GMT -5
The voice talks to me now. It is late, you have work to do, you are tired. You have not looked at P for 10 days now. Just do it. Just look a little. At least do some searches. Perhaps an image search? What will it really do? You need it. You want it. It is SOOOO close. Just a little. Just a taste. Come on .....
I WILL NOT LISTEN ..... PERIOD
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Post by Webmaster on Mar 25, 2007 13:27:23 GMT -5
This morning I was searching Amazon for a DVD as a gift for my wife - one of her favorite shows that went off the air a few years ago but has yet to be released on DVD. I check for it every once in a while. This time the search brought up a list of DVDs with similar names including one that was clearly pornographic. This small cover image was only slightly visible, no nudity, but clearly consistent with the title. Boy did my addictive voice start rattling the bars of the cage I've banished it to. "You should probably check that out just to see how bad it is; you might even complain to Amazon about that. Let's go get a better look. It's not like you're going to order the DVD or anything." I identified my addictive voice for what it is, reminded myself that "I never use porn or masturbate now," and the Voice shut up and I was able to move on without clicking on the link to enlarge the image or find out more about the DVD.
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Post by ShatteredBride on Mar 25, 2007 15:21:27 GMT -5
HA!!! I kicked the voice's (expletive) to the curb this morning, and have already got 2 loads of laundry done, plus the dishes!!! Woo Hoo!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by blueclouds on Mar 25, 2007 17:35:57 GMT -5
It's all well and good when there's an addict voice whispering things in your ear and a distinct recovery voice refuting everything, like a devil and an angel on each shoulder. But what happens when your addict voice mixes in with your recovery voice and starts using recovery-approved arguments to get his way? Here is how he set me up tonight:
__________________________________________
You've had an urge. Is it possible you might act out?
No, it's impossible. Too much invested in my recovery for that.
Are you sure?
Yes, absolutely.
Careful! That could be the addict trying to make you feel overconfident, which leads to complacence, and then...
You're right. I should admit I'm not made of steel.
So it actually could happen?
Well...
Even tonight? Could it actually happen now? Your SO is already in bed.
Is that really possible?
Yes, it is! __________________________________________
Frigging snake in the grass. I'm ok, though. It has passed.
Blueclouds
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Post by rockwell on Mar 26, 2007 11:01:32 GMT -5
The Voice is sneaky indeed! And by reading these posts he is crafy in other areas too - not just the P area!
The Voice likes to be critical of my wife. He puts negative thoughts into my head and sometimes I listen. But then I realise that I do not have to listen. I can think something positive about her and not focus on the things I do not like. How crafty is he? He uses the negative to get me into a mindset first. Once I have submitted to that mindset (dissatisfactoin with my wife), then he is able to move to the next step - "Why not look at some P?" I can stop him though. Cuz I know how he works.
Now I am thinking of the good things about my wife. The voice is pissed. He has not won!
rockwell
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Post by ektenes on Mar 27, 2007 13:50:23 GMT -5
Voice Report...I dont know what he's up to but it's definitely something, I can feel him sneaking around the edges wondering why he hasnt had his fix lately. I am aware of you and YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!!! No arguements, no if's or buts or maybe's......just leave.
Ek.
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Post by blueclouds on Mar 28, 2007 3:07:12 GMT -5
My addict misses me (or what I can provide for him). He's been moping around for a couple of days looking at me with puppy-dog eyes, saying, "Don't you remember all the good times we had together?" Ha! This from the guy who's been sucking all the marrow out of my spine for years!
Blueclouds
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Post by JohnG on Mar 29, 2007 19:53:55 GMT -5
Voice Report:
Yesterday - 11 hour drive from Barcelona to Asturias. Multiple instances of assault by the voice. I was shown images and asked to create stories to go with them. I had to put up with this for a while. I should have called an addict but I did not.
Today - 12 hour drive from Asturias to Marbella. Multiple instances of assault by the voice. I was shown images and asked to create stories to go with them. I had to put up with this for the entire trip. I should have called an addict but I did not. I sang fragments of songs (I don't know the entire lyrics to even one song) - rap songs, christmas songs, PT songs, "easy listening" songs. I also rolled the window all the way down. Stopped frequently to use the can and take little walks. Result: arrived in Marbella clean.
JohnG
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Post by So_fedup on Mar 29, 2007 20:40:08 GMT -5
ACK !!!
I didn't get a damned thing done today. I heard the voice, and listened. I went back to sleep,on the sofa... played in the computer, picked fights with several members. beep- beep.... and didn't even make dinner for the kids.
And I didn't get any Studying done at all today. I am going to fail my Exam if I don't start studying more. I have got to stay away from here.
that god damned Voice.......... needs to be telling me to STUDY...
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brad777
New Member
Forza ITA!
Posts: 21
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Post by brad777 on Mar 30, 2007 16:19:16 GMT -5
Had that annoying voice in my head today. Earlier this morning and just recently. I think the major problem is the flashbacks. I have been clean 3 days now but the images I last saw keep popping in my head. First I see the image for a split second... then I hear the voice "come on, don't you just want to look at it one more time, remember the address??" Feels good to report that damn thing though! I've cooled off now and I think I'll be fine for the rest of the day. It's crazy how penetrating that voice can be.
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