Post by amandac on Nov 3, 2007 6:34:52 GMT -5
Angry but checking in...
Recovery is a joke right now in our home. Right now, I feel that my husband is using his recovery and P "free-ness" as a get-out-of-jail card or as a, well... "at least I'm still P free waiver" for the responsibilities we - as the adults - must do in our home.
Our house is full of selfishness - some necessary and warranted and some not.
I am very - VERY angry right now. I almost don't want to work through it because, I don't really think it would change anything or make any difference. My anger is geared strictly at my H. He is still P and MB free (as he claims), but this does not give him an entitlement card to anything.
I'm not AS stressed out right now as I have been - but I am (have I mentioned) very angry and still stressed out!! I'm physically - excruciatingly exhausted and I don't anticipate getting any relief any time soon. I'm experiencing a lot of back pain - mostly related to being pregnant - but also from lifting children who are over my lifting limit - but I don't have a lot of choice about that! And then there is my H... Lord help me. I'm so mad right now that sometimes I secretly wish he would just go... so at least then I would know that I have to do everything for everyone and be both parents all the time. I know that is a harsh statement and not completely deserving. But it would make some things easier. I wouldn't have to be irriated that he failed to do what I expected or that he did things different from the way I would have liked them. I wouldn't feel like he was intentionally trying to irritate me or feel that he has better things to do than help with our home/family. I wouldn't be mad about him going to bed, leaving our toddler awake for me to care for while I am still working - when I've told him numerous times during the day how exhausted I am... and specifically that I need to go to sleep as soon as I can.
I don't know why, but I expected my life to be very different right now than it is - and perhaps that is why I'm angry. Things are not the way I wanted them to be and I can't change that - because I cannot change the people around me.
Recovery is a joke right now in our home. Right now, I feel that my husband is using his recovery and P "free-ness" as a get-out-of-jail card or as a, well... "at least I'm still P free waiver" for the responsibilities we - as the adults - must do in our home.
Our house is full of selfishness - some necessary and warranted and some not.
I am very - VERY angry right now. I almost don't want to work through it because, I don't really think it would change anything or make any difference. My anger is geared strictly at my H. He is still P and MB free (as he claims), but this does not give him an entitlement card to anything.
I'm not AS stressed out right now as I have been - but I am (have I mentioned) very angry and still stressed out!! I'm physically - excruciatingly exhausted and I don't anticipate getting any relief any time soon. I'm experiencing a lot of back pain - mostly related to being pregnant - but also from lifting children who are over my lifting limit - but I don't have a lot of choice about that! And then there is my H... Lord help me. I'm so mad right now that sometimes I secretly wish he would just go... so at least then I would know that I have to do everything for everyone and be both parents all the time. I know that is a harsh statement and not completely deserving. But it would make some things easier. I wouldn't have to be irriated that he failed to do what I expected or that he did things different from the way I would have liked them. I wouldn't feel like he was intentionally trying to irritate me or feel that he has better things to do than help with our home/family. I wouldn't be mad about him going to bed, leaving our toddler awake for me to care for while I am still working - when I've told him numerous times during the day how exhausted I am... and specifically that I need to go to sleep as soon as I can.
I don't know why, but I expected my life to be very different right now than it is - and perhaps that is why I'm angry. Things are not the way I wanted them to be and I can't change that - because I cannot change the people around me.