h3h8m3

[h3h8m3]

I have decided to start a journal. I don't know if this will be of value to anyone but me. If so, praise God. If not, hopefully it will at least help me.

Before you get going in here, I want to warn you that I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and that will be the focus of most (or all) of my posts. You've been warned!

[h3h8m3]

Tonight, in my personal Bible study time, I studied Luke 8:26-39.

If you want to read the passage to know what I'm talking about better, here's a link.

bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=luke+8%3A26-39&version1=31

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Reading Luke 8:26-39. Jesus Restores a Demon-Possessed Man

Wow, what a powerful image. Look at the condition of this possessed man:
- Wears no clothes
- Had no house
- Lived in tombs
- Chained hand and foot
- Kept under guard
- Driven into solitary places

What a horrible condition! This man was living no kind of life. He couldn’t control himself, he couldn’t be trusted not to harm himself or others. His demons had chased him off into solitude. He was chained again and again. He had neither freedom nor hope. HE IS ME IN THE MIDST OF MY SEXUAL ADDICTIONS.

What did demon inside this man do when confronted with the Son of God?
- Cried out
- Fell at the feet of Jesus
- Shouted at the top of his voice
- Begged for mercy

Sounds a bit like the pleading my own sinful self has made when faced with possible exposure to the Light. Begging for mercy, crying to be left alone. Acknowledging Jesus as Lord, and still wanting nothing to do with him.

What did Jesus’ presence and authority do to the demon?
- Revealed its name at the command of Jesus
- Was cast out of the man
- Was destroyed completely.

What was the result for the man?
- He was freed from the demon!
- Sitting at the feet of Jesus
- Dressed
- In his right mind
- He asked Jesus to let him follow him

What was the end result?
- The onlookers were AFRAID!
- They demanded Jesus leave the area
- Jesus commanded the healed man to tell everyone about how God had healed him

When Christ met this man he was living about as close to the very definition of hell as one can experience on earth. He was completely dominated by his demons, unable even to care for himself physically. Christ’s first order of business was identifying the name of the demon. After determining what the demon was, Christ then cast it out. I believe the naming of the demon was not for the sake of Christ, but for the sake of the possessed man. That if that demon attempted to return he might have power over it, and refuse it entry.

After the demon has been cast out, by the grace of God (not by any work of the possessed man, by the way), the man was finally able to choose whether to follow Jesus or the desires of his flesh. He was finally free to reject the sinful self.

The best part of the story is the end. The man who had been possessed by the spirits now had a choice to make. He could go back to the tombs from which Christ had saved him (is it any coincidence that he was dwelling among the dead?) or he could follow Jesus. He chose to follow his savior. Christ gave him this simple command, “Return home and tell how much God has done for you.”

Is that really so much for a savior to ask of us?

[h3h8m3]

This is the note my study Bible says about the state of the possessed man:

"Every word in the story emphasizes the man's pathetic condition, as well as the purpose of demonic possession- to torment and destroy the divine likeness in which human beings are created."

[completelydone]

Wow, h3h, I bet that message has given you great hope! That really touched me.

Take care,
CD

[h3h8m3]

CD- Thank you for the kind words. I am glad to hear that something on here could be a blessing to you. God works in all kinds of crazy ways, huh?

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So, at the advice of several sources, I scheduled a time to meet with a pastor from my church. We met last night. I confessed to him my sexual sin, and my pride.

I had thought the conversation would only take 45 minutes or so, but he was so engaged with me, asking questions, listening to my seemingly pointless rants, and offering wisdom as he could.

Originally I hadn't thought there was any value in me confessing to a pastor. I had already confessed to my wife, and to several other Christian believers. But the suggestion to confess to a "church elder" kept coming, over and over. Through the Word, through the Way of Purity course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com, and through other believers.

I don't know what I expected when I walked into his office, but I do know I received so much more. He was open and honest with me, forgiving and loving, disappointed and sad with what I'd done. But hopeful that God's new work in me would be fruitful.

At the end of our time together he read a passage of the Bible to me. Talk about joy. If you're reading this now, and a follower of Jesus Christ, try to personalize this passage. It's written just for me and you.

[h3h8m3]

Ephesians 1:3-14

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5he[c] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. 9And he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

11In him we were also chosen,[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

[h3h8m3]

I had an amazing realization the other day.

You know occasionally for some reason the idea of "wishes" would come up. It was a lot more common when I was a kid, but still on occasion the concept would come up. For the last 10-15 years whenever I'd think about what my #1 wish would be, it's been the same thing. Unlimited wishes.

Okay okay, i know that's cheating. The real #1 was to be free from this addiction. I'm sure that to anyone who hasn't gone through this wasting a wish on that would seem ridiculous. But the way it destroyed my relationship with God, how it stole my self control, the effects on my mind...

The other day it occured to me. My #1 wish has been granted. I am free from that addiction. Cue the Halaluah Chorus, and all that.

Thank you Father for meeting me where I was, and bringing me closer to where you want me.

[unico]

hope your journal proves of great use to you and others

take care

Unico

[witness]

Who are you? What brought you here? What is your plan?

Blessings!

[h3h8m3]

Who are you?

I am a follower or Christ. I was a man stuck in the depth of sexual sin for 15 years. I am washed in the blood of the lamb, and I am redeemed.

What brought you here?

I was blessed with the grace to recognize my sorry state on July 9th, 2007. I had just finished searching the net yet again for pornography, and was about to do it AGAIN, when something finally got to me. Something in my head convinced me it was time to get serious about removing that addiction from my life.

I googled "sexual addiction" and found this site.

What is your plan?

My plan is:

1. No more computer usage in private. Specificially for me, this meant no using my laptop in the basement.
2. No more closing my office door at work unless I've got an actual meeting going on. Work was a place of my sin as well.
3. I will complete the Way of Purity course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com (I just finished day 47 of 60 earlier today).
4. I confessed my sexual sin to my wife. And I am accountable to her weekly.
5. I have confessed my sexual sin to my pastor, and I am accountable to him when he asks.
6. I have confessed my sexual sin to an accountablility partner, and I am accountable to him daily.
7. I spend time in the Word daily. I journal on what I read daily.
8. I set aside time each day for prayer with my Lord.

I completely recognize that none of these THINGS on my list can give me freedom from my sin. It's only through a real relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ that I can be free from sexual impurity.

By his grace, and to his glory, I have been free since July 9th.

Blessings!

Thank you my friend. The Lord has been much more gracious to me than any sinful man deserves.

[h3h8m3]

So, today's my birthday. It occurred to me this morning, as I drove in to work, that I had an awful lot to be thankful for this year on my birthday.

Best of all is a renewed relationship with my savior. Thanks to his grace to overcome sexual sin, and start listening to him.
We're expecting our first child in only 5 and a half weeks. What an amazing blessing.
I'm married to a wonderful woman, who has stuck by me and helped me fight this sexual sin.
I've got a great job.
We live in a wonderful community, and some family recently moved out here to be closer to us.

By any objective analysis my life is better today than it was a year ago today. That sounds pretty good to me.

Hopefully we can do that again this year...

[rockwell]

h3h8m3 - I am glad you decided to start your own journal. You will find that it helps enormously. Best wishes on your continued recovery process.
rockwell

[witness]

"The Lord has been much more gracious to me than any sinful man deserves."

Amen to that!

As you can see I've been around here for a while. I went about 4 months clean right after I got here. Then I don't know what happened. I never binged. But I guess I relaxed, lost my focus. Etc.

You remind me of me. That's good, I hope. Just stay focused for the long haul. The advantage you have over me is all the accountability people. Be 100% honest with them ALL the time.

More blessings today on your birthday!
W.

[h3h8m3]

Thank you both for the notes.

Witness, I will remember to be vigilant, and not to lose my focus. If I keep my eyes on Jesus they won't be able to look at porn, right?

[h3h8m3]

Well, I did not return to P, and I did not MB, but I had a pretty bad week. I traveled out of state for a wedding, and I didn't spend any time in the Word, nor did I do any of the Settingcaptivesfree courses while I was gone.

It was a bad week. The less I was focusing my eyes on Jesus the more they became focused on women around me. I even found myself flipping through TV late at night hoping for something to come on.

I have confessed my sins, and I am repenting of them. I have a plan in place should i end up needing to travel again. I threw myself back into the Word yesterday, and I have been amazed at how God has granted me his grace, and brought me back to him.

I recently read the book Facing Your Giants, by Max Lucado. One of the recurring points in the book is about our focus. He uses the life of David to make many of his points... and this one was especially clear. When David was tasked with facing Goliath David's eyes were not glued to the huge warrior he had to fight. They were focused on God, and the grace and power of God. Because he wasn't staring at the giant, knowing he had no chance against him, he was able to act.

Later in his life David was chased by Saul. When that happened David did not keep his eyes on God, he was focusing on Saul. Once you start staring at, studying, and fearing the enemy, we cannot consider, learn about and praise our God.

That's also the key to defeating sexual impurity for me. I need to not dwell on how horrible and damaging the lust is. I need to focus on how good and holy my God is. How great his plans are for me, and how anything is possible for him.

Time in prayer, time in his Word, and time in fellowship are the ways I can remind myself to keep my eyes on him.