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Post by libby on Aug 19, 2007 14:25:25 GMT -5
Hello- today is a big day. I'm getting all my house work and laundry done. Made a few nights worth of dinner to freeze in preparation of the coming week. I am so nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. I'm excited but nervous.
DH and I are getting along. The past few days have been going really well. DH is going to Dallas tomorrow- he'll be gone for the week so we had to get him all packed and set for that yesterday. He took the kids out for a few hours to spend some time with them and to give me a few hours to myself.
My brother is going with DH to Dallas (they are going to network for my parents trucking company- International Truck Show- it's a BFD for the trucking industry) so I have no worries about DH lapsing or cheating. Actually I'm pretty comfortable with him going which is surprising in and of itself. I half expected to feel a little tense about it but that never happened.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and calm week-end.
Libby
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Post by Mayberry on Aug 19, 2007 14:29:58 GMT -5
*sends lots of soothing "get ready for the new job" thoughts Libby's way* Libby: You'll do great! I hope tomorrow is a good day for you and that any "nerves" you have will be quickly soothed by meeting a lot of friendly people who are overjoyed to have you on the job! And I'm glad you are finding a good place with regard to your husband's trip. That's terrific to read! Jinn
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Post by Mayberry on Aug 21, 2007 6:09:11 GMT -5
So...enquiring minds want to know, Libby.... HOW was the FIRST DAY on the job!?!
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Post by libby on Aug 21, 2007 20:21:35 GMT -5
First I am exhausted. In my never ending quest to loose weight and stay in shape I took the stairs both days- office is on the 5th floor. I have to go up and down those stairs a min. of 10 times- it feels like a 100.
It's interesting getting back into the swing of things. I thought it would be harder with DH out of town but it's not. It's much easier. My Mom is spending the day here with the kids and she has dinner on the table when I get home. (I cooked a weeks worth of lunch and dinners over the weekend and froze them so all she has to do is thaw and re-heat)
I think as I get use to the time crunch I'm really going to enjoy working again. Right now it's a challenge but I am good at what I do so...........
DH is having a good time in Texas- there are free concerts and a bunch of other activities put on by OITA. My brother said they were hooking up with a few other Owner Operators that are family friends and making a 3 day BBQ/party out of it.
Well I have to get my bootee in gear- I have to iron my clothes for tomorrow and then it's off to bed for me. Thanks for asking about me Jinn= it's always nice to be thought of.
Libby
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Post by LookingUp on Aug 22, 2007 6:37:15 GMT -5
Congratulations on your first day at work. Weeks of frozen meals - that's awesome. My calves had sympathy pains for going up 5 flights of stairs ten times. That's awesome. Glad working is going well for you.
LookingUp
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Post by Mayberry on Aug 22, 2007 7:16:35 GMT -5
Thanks for the update, Libby! I do that "big weekend cook" thing and it helps me stay saner through the week. I'm blessed in that kiddo and husband both like to dance in the kitchen with me and help get the food stashed, prepped, made, etc. And good for you for taking the stairs! I work in a building with a lot of stairs, and I have come to refer to my many, many daily trips up and down them as "the company health plan." (This is somewhat ironic as the "company" couldn't afford an actual health plan if it wanted one!) Glad to hear your brother & husband are having fun and that you're finding h's absence makes things a bit easier as you make this transition back into the working world. I hope the rest of your work week continues to be good and that you continue to enjoy have a new place to do what you're good at doing. Have a great one! J
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Post by katmoi on Aug 22, 2007 8:03:01 GMT -5
Just a quick hello, Libby. I'm so glad things are going well for you and that your job is satisfying for you. Way to go!
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Post by libby on Aug 24, 2007 22:32:20 GMT -5
Well my first week of work went really well. I went today and opened a second checking account without DH, yes I know it's dishonest but I need to feel secure. I'm up late doing laundry and house work so tomorrow I can have some fun with the kids. DH will be back from Dallas on Sunday so I really want to spend some time with just us 3 before that happens. I'm really careful not to let our marital issues roll over the kids and their needs. This week the kids were just amazing with helping out around here. My parents are really good with them-I don't know how they do it but the kids haven't had a sibling spat all week. Note to self- talk to parents and find out their secret, LOL.
I feel like I have so much to put out there but don't know where to start. I'm a little shy so it's hard to get to know my co-workers, plus I feel like I really need to devote most of my attention to acclimating myself to the "vibe" in the office, how they do things and getting to know the "details". I'm really happy with this company and the position so that is a big relief but I am a little worried about coming off as snobby or snotty because I don't enjoy office gossip or small talk. I'm just not much of a socialite I guess. I really need to work on coming out of my shell a little. I would love the opportunity to make friends but don't want to get caught up in the "catty" office politics either. I'll have to give this some thought, maybe pick up that new book that out about how to deal with cattiness in the work place. Oh well
DH and I have had some really nice conversations over the phone while he's been gone. I'm looking forward to his return home because strange as it may be, I miss him. Since I stepped up and quit walking on egg shells our relationship has shifted but the best part is I feel really good about myself again. It's taken making rash and drastic changes in our home, how I deal with DH and how I receive him and his moods but it's been worth it. I wish I had done all these things long ago.
Well this has gotten a bit long winded and random so I guess I'll wrap it up and go fold some laundry. Oh the joy of being a Mom, LOL.
Libby
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Post by LookingUp on Aug 25, 2007 9:16:43 GMT -5
Great news.
I don't think opening your own checking account is dishonest; possibly uncomfortable, but not dishonest. It wasn't like he was there to HELP you.
Glad things are going good at work.
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Post by libby on Aug 26, 2007 18:08:45 GMT -5
a little off topic of recovery- but on topic re- the board. I'm a little disturbed by the atmosphere of the board. I don't know what the heck is going on or if anything is going on but it feels different around here. I popped in on a few journals that I've been following and they 'feel' cold almost angry. The SO board has dramatically changed in temperature. I don't understand what happened to change how it feels for me. I guess a lot can happen in a week when you only pop in for a few moments to update your journal. Back to my topics. DH is home , I've missed him. How he smells, the sound of his voice, his laughter and our evening walks. It's funny, and not in a good way, how much some one can hurt you or make you angry but still you miss them and think about them when they are not around. DH has a therapy appointment tomorrow after work. He's nervous because this is the first appointment with this person, He specializes in addictions including porn. We talked a great deal about how nervous he is on our walk this evening. It felt good to be included in his thoughts and emotions again. For a long time now he has shut me out. We had a really nice conversation and then we had ice cream. A weird thing did happen though, DH mentioned how much weight I've lost, I wanted to beat him over the head and cheer all at the same time. Beat him over the head because I've been dieting and exercising for almost a year now. Cheer because he actually sees me now. I'm not just some shape in front of him that is standing in shadows. I'm a PERSON that he can actually describe and see. A large step forward as far as I am concerned- it's been so long since he has made a positive TRUE comment about my appearance or personality. Well I'm off to work in the yard for a while. Libby
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Post by Mayberry on Aug 27, 2007 4:56:22 GMT -5
Wow!!!! That is just terrific to hear! Good for you both! I enjoyed reading your other posts here and hope the second week at work goes very well for you. I will also send positive thought your husband's way (my husband has his first appt. with a specialist this week as well!).... I hope the week ahead is a good & growing one for you both. J
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Post by libby on Aug 30, 2007 8:32:23 GMT -5
Good Morning- I'm off work today because I have to take the kids in for school physicals, oh the joys of motherhood.
Things have been very busy around here. I'm still working from home for my parents along with the new job so I'm pressed for time most days- hopefully soon I'll figure out a workable schedule and routine. The kids start school on the 4th so that will add another layer of "hurry hurry rush rush" but that is a good layer I suppose. I have to find a balance for the Monday - Friday routine because the weekends are family time and I really don't want to be working at all during them. I have found using the crock pot 2 times a week for dinner is easier plus it shortens my weekend cooking by 2 meals. Once the kids start school I won't have to cook 5 days of lunches either so that will shorten it even more.
I home schooled the kids in the past. Both kids went for re-entrance exams on Monday. Both did excellent. I'm told it's a rarity for kids to return to school after homeschooling on the proper levels so that is a very proud thing for me. My DD will actually be in Algebra 2, which is 10th grade level. She will have a 8th/9th grade split schedule with the 10th grade math. If she continues to work above grade level she may graduate early. I'm so very proud of her.
DH and I are continuing to talk and spend at least a half hour (we try for an hour but with 2 kids it can be hard) together alone, talking or just being together walking. It's very odd but good. I've noticed that we are slowly getting back to laughing together. I really miss the laughter- DH says that he has too. He's touching me again. Not sexual but just a brush of the hair or holding my hand while we talk in the sitting area. Over the weekend we snuggled in the car at the drive inn. But I've notice when ever he passes me he reaches out and touches some part of me. Oh and we've been flirting with each other again.
He's been working on the gazebo, LOL. He works for an hour after work almost every night. He says it's relaxing and a good chance to wind down after a long day. No major accidents as of yet but he's only got the framework done (almost) so far.
He said now that he's gotten use to the TVs being gone he likes it. Noticing that he's getting a lot more done. He did smuggle in a small TV- to watch the news with, I don't mind that. It's in the kitchen so we listen to the news while having coffee in the morning. It's one of those with a 10 inch screen and a radio. He didn't hide it from me and actually asked if I minded and told me why he wanted it. We don't have cable anymore so it only gets the local stations.
*personal observation* I've re-read my journal this morning, I noticed that I talk a lot more formal when talking about my parents. I think of my parents formally- or I should say respectfully and that comes across loud and clear. I had never noticed that before. I wonder if that bothers DH, I know he reads my journal here- I don't know if he has posted on the board or even become a member but I know he reads it.
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Post by LookingUp on Aug 30, 2007 9:29:49 GMT -5
Congratulations on your successful homeschooling. That is an accomplishment to be proud of.
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Post by libby on Sept 3, 2007 18:04:36 GMT -5
I've been actively avoiding my journal this weekend. I'm all for documenting the improvements, even the minor ones. It's not so easy to sit and talk about the awful fights, tensions or the wall of silence especially when your still in the throws of them.
DH and I are having difficulties discussing even the minor details of our life without a blow up of some kind right now. I know the reason for this is me, that's right, ME. I'm irritable, gloomy, annoyed and well (expletive)y. He wants to just lay around doing nothing, I have the house work to do, cooking and getting the kids set for school. I asked him to run to the store on Sat. to finish up a few supplies while I was cooking and he says, "I'm not spending all night running around shopping- you should of had this done!" Um when- Thursday night when I got the list out of the mail box after work or Friday night after work and then grocery shopping. I did manage to fit in clothes and shoe shopping and the majority of basic supplies. I did not get the specific number of folders because I didn't know the exact number each would need. See, I'm still fuming and angry!
I'm sick, I have a sinus infection and now chest congestion so I know that is not helping. I should not of even asked DH to help out he never does.
I still need to calm down, I'll try again later.
Libby
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Post by Mayberry on Sept 3, 2007 18:54:23 GMT -5
Ah. I'm sorry to read this. In my own life, I describe this as the "nibbled to death by ducks" phenomenon. Little bites of time here and there and little demands here and there until there's little left of me: energy, patience, spirit, good humor, balance. It can make even a rather committed Quaker turn toward emotional violence and become something more akin to a Quaker who needs committing! I'm sorry your husband is not pitching in. I am sorry you are under the weather. I have missed your voice on the board, and--while I sense you as someone who wants to look toward the positive--can only hope that you "vent" as you need to vent. Speaking strictly for myself, I've found that "saying it" (whatever the "it" is, no matter how "ugly" I feel it at the moment) moves me rapidly toward "resolving it." Good luck to you, and know that I'm holding you in my thoughts tonight. J
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