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Post by Sunshine on Oct 12, 2007 11:22:47 GMT -5
Kyle-
I want to thank you that you were so kind to me when I was new here and searching for answers. You offered me hope that some of you are on the same page as my DH.
I know that if B was going through the issues that you are, I would want him to talk to me, instead of me having to try to guess what is going on. Anything is better shared instead of imagined. I like my DH to sit knee to knee with me- to look me in the eye- to have a discussion about the problem. You men always want to fix everything yourselves, as your way of taking care of business, of protecting us from life.
A Child of God
Sunshine
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Post by kyle on Oct 15, 2007 19:17:49 GMT -5
Thanks for your encouragement Sunshine. It is always nice to here a different perspective on issues that are troublesome.
We did talk the other night and we still have some work to continue on and through God, I am sure we will prevail. Like many things, I think we tend to get frustrated with God's timing and we want to put our 2 cents in and thats where the trouble starts. Gotta work on that some more.
Well on a good point, I hit my first 100 days today. I think it is actually closer to 110 but I only started tracking after a little over a week had already past since all was revealed. Now starting on the 2nd round.
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Post by Sunshine on Oct 16, 2007 18:03:24 GMT -5
Hey-
Glad things are working out better for you. My B is just a few days ahead of you on the days free. He actually doesn't keep track at all- he says that to him, each day is a day unto itself. I really like the fact that you are crediting God for your recovery. B plans, if I give my assent, to give a testimony to his men's group about this issue. We lived in Tx for 15 years, but moved one year ago, and he is still connected to the men there. We will be going there next month, and that is when he plans to do it. He feels very convicted about this, because he could not find help when he was trying to recover from this, and he wants to help others who don't know where to turn. what I am saying is that he, like you, gives the glory to God in this battle, and not many others do. God bless you and your family-
sunshine
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Post by kyle on Nov 5, 2007 21:36:06 GMT -5
I just thought I would come here and give an update on my progress today.
Things have been going great these past few weeks as my wife and I are continuing with our daily talks and prayers. God has truly stepped back into my life and I have finally turned things over to him completely. Having God as our center has brought us closer together and has made our lives better for it.
We have talked more about how we want to be able to spend our time together and I have learned alot of things I thought I knew but now know for sure. My wife is a wonderful, caring and beautiful mother, and partner and I am thankful that she chose to stay with me and work with me to become one again.
I want to thank people here for providing there struggles and journeys for others to see, and to share there experiences so that people, like me, could find the one thing that has been missing all along. Hope. I truly had given up hope of ever restoring my relationship with God or my wife when this whole thing finally came out, but through hard work, perseverance, and the Grace of God, I have managed to crawl up out of the muck, and with your help and Gods strength, I have begun the path that I will stay on for the rest of my days.
It really has been a great couple of weeks since I last posted here and things are only looking better from where I sit now. Thank you all for being her and listening when I needed an ear, and for being positive, in the midsts of the ugliness that we have all endured. I am thankful that I found this place and will continue to strive to help where I can and to listen when I should. Man, did I mention that this has been a really great couple Of weeks?
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Post by kyle on Nov 17, 2007 7:57:58 GMT -5
Man this is really starting to weigh on my mind. This Board has become so full of folks who slip, fall, fail or whatever they want to call it. Now I don't think that it is a bad thing but the trouble I am having with it is that is seems like these things are happening with much greater frequency to the same people over and over again, many times only hours even minutes apart. It makes helping seem pointless and I really want to be able to help others with advice and words of encouragement to break free of this ugliness. I just fear that I am not doing enough or saying the right things. I so much wish I had never been in this position but I can't change that.
Is there a reason for this? Are guys just that helpless against this. I know I messed up myself but I have made a true commitment to stopping and I have never looked back and never will. Maybe it is only me but I can't even bring myself to think that a slip is only just around the corner. I can't even fathom allowing myself to fall because I realize how much pain and hurt I caused my wife already and would NEVER want to put her through that again. I guess the questions will always be there and I just hope I can find the strength and wisdom to be able to say the right thing to someone in hopes that it sticks to open others eyes to where they are and the damage it is causing to continue down this path of destruction and that they turn away before it is to late. I almost stayed to long and am forever thankful that I got the push needed to stop once and for all.
I have been talking more and more with my wife and we have seemingly started down the right path with God at our sides. We pray with and for each other regularly and have grown so much through all of this. I am fortunate that she has stuck with me throughout this whole ordeal and thank God every day for placing her in my life to be the strength when I was so weak.
I seem to have come to a crossroads of sorts and will be praying for the right direction to follow and hope that, with Gods help, I will make the right choices. I have gained so much knowledge and information from people here and I just hope that I have been able to give some in return and hope to continue to do so.
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Post by Sunshine on Nov 17, 2007 12:16:32 GMT -5
Kyle-
You are a help and an encourager on this board. Have you considered other ways to help- maybe starting a recovery group at your church if there isn't one?
We just started attending a new church that has an early morning recovery group for S/A, and it has been a blessing to my H. However, the church we attended in Tx had no such group, and no way for members to seek help and support. B and others had sought help from the pastor who was totally clueless about the problem. We have since found out that a really good friend has the same problem, and he has led several Bible studies. We plan to share with him the format that is being used at pur new Church, and hopethat he possible would be led to start a similar group at our old church. Anyway, God can use this for his Glory if we let him.
I am so glad that you and your wife are working on your marriage. B says that in the end it will be better than it was in the beginning, because God is with us this time. I think this is true for you and your wife also.
Sunshine
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chad32
Full Member
Becoming pure again...
Posts: 117
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Post by chad32 on Nov 18, 2007 17:19:13 GMT -5
Hi Kyle,
I just wanted to post a reply on your journal to say how moved I have been by your courage and resolve in overcoming your problems and how you have been going from strength to strength ever since. In my own case, my addiction is only at the private level and not known about by my wife, but your example really gives me strength to not let myself slip and above all, I don't want to hurt my wife, kids or God any more. So far, I've been on this site nearly 2 weeks and have not looked back yet, and I pray every day for God to protect and keep me.
Keep up the good work, and keep on loving your wife and God.
Your brother, Chad
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Post by kyle on Nov 29, 2007 15:30:07 GMT -5
Well its been a few days since I last posted and its been up and down. It is crazy to me how I feel like I can talk to others about what might help them but I can't seem to follow my own advice.
Lately I have been down and just felling yucky all the time. I think I get really depressed on occasions and can't seem to pull myself out. I was talking with my wife the other night and with some of the issues I have going right now with kids, school, Christmas and finances, I didn't want to put any more on my wifes shoulders with worrying over me. I know some of you will tell me to get it out but I hate dumping on my wife, even though she has told me to let her know when something is bothering me. I guess part of the problem is that I know something is there but I just can't seem to find the words to explain it without making it more confusing. I just can't put my finger on it.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty down just because I really don't have a close male friend just to talk to. Our pastor left 3 weeks ago for another church and he was the one I was talking face to face with so now I have to start over and that really sucks. She has a couple of really close friends and that is great and they can talk any time which has helped her alot throughout this whole mess. She seems to think that I have some as well but I really do not. Sure I have friends, but none that I really feel comfortable talking to about this. Ah well, I will continue to pray and it will eventually work its way out.
On a good note, things have been much better around our house. Thanksgiving was a good day for my family. we had an entire house full of folks and it was really nice to see happy faces again. Our lives have become much better and things are still improving, as I think they always will. It is much easier to talk with my wife now and one day nothing will be difficult to talk about and I look forward to that day. There is much more positive in our lives and things do seem to be moving in the right direction so I will focus on those things and continue to pray daily to seek God's wisdom and strength as I continue my journey.
Thanks for listening.
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Post by kyle on Dec 4, 2007 21:49:03 GMT -5
The last few days have gone pretty good. My depression is still up and down but talking with my wife has helped ease some of it. I enjoy the outdoors and when it gets bad I get a bit moody and it usually boils over into other aspects of my life. I'm working on it and with my wife working with me more and more, it is making a difference.
I am so thankful for the rebirth God has given me and the wisdom he has place in front of me. This addiction has caused me to miss out on, totally blow off and ignore many things in my life that I am now seeing and participating in. My family life and relationships have been improving greatly and I generally have a much better outlook of things. I still have work to do but it is getting easier every day.
Back later with more as things progress.
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Post by kyle on Dec 10, 2007 21:39:57 GMT -5
It is so nice to be able to come here and talk to myself and you all occasionally. I tend to be on an emotional roller coaster for the time being that I can't seem to get off of. I have questioned my continued participation on this board and have questioned my own reasons for being here and it always seems to find a way to work itself out.
Lately I have been responding and trying to help where I can with others and It has helped me in the process. I have been able to look at where others have struggled and by answering some of their questions I have worked through my own issues and for that I am thankful to this board and those here for that help.
Things have truly begun to look a bit more positive and I just pray that it continues on this path. My wife is so supportive and really deserves to have an award given to her for the crap that she has endured at my doing. I an thankful that she has chosen to fight with me and not against me and I love her more each day because of it. My prayer is that those with Girlfriends and wives are as fortunate as I am with the support. For those who don't, I pray that you find or have a friend or some other person who can give you the support you need to be free.
I think I am really rambling here but I have just had a pretty good day and thought I would come here and talk about it so if I sound a bit nutty, then so be it, because it has to be better than being where I once was.
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chad32
Full Member
Becoming pure again...
Posts: 117
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Post by chad32 on Dec 12, 2007 15:58:49 GMT -5
Hi Kyle,
Keep up the good work! You've been a great help to me and I'm sure to countless others. Just as you had prayed, my wife is being a big help to me with my addiction, and she is really accepting of me, which is great.
Stay strong, Kyle.
Chad
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Post by kyle on Dec 18, 2007 14:01:29 GMT -5
This was posted in another thread by Iambetrayed, about a struggle her husband is having, but I can totally relate.
I am really starting to struggle with this part and really don't have any answers on what to do. I try to fight through it and nothing seems to help. My wife, God bless her, she is struggling now because she thinks I am so depressed that I need medicine to possibly help. I don't think that and it is getting frustrating to hear her talk about it each time i get a bit down on myself.
I continue my fight each and every day to work on being a better husband and father but it just seems like I can never do enough. Maybe one day it will work out and I can move on. It is just so dang frustrating to have to re-fight the same fights over and over. I guess its all part of it I suppose.
I will go back to reading some and see if I can find answers there along with my prayers.
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