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Post by beginning on Jul 31, 2007 3:33:34 GMT -5
Don't give up the fight, C2M.
Your pal, Beginning
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Post by useless servant on Aug 17, 2007 19:27:47 GMT -5
Don't give up, C2M, because of another slip. Don't quit.
Marvin a.k.a. useless
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Post by Ian06 on Aug 24, 2007 14:32:04 GMT -5
Where'd you go, C2M?
Check back in with us, let us know what's going on.
Ian
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Post by C2M on Nov 10, 2007 21:04:51 GMT -5
Day 1: The boy is back in town
Its been almost three months since I have posted on this journal, in fact I had been absent from this forum altogether until last week when I decided to lurk at what was going on. Much the same content but many new ‘faces’ and a very interestingpiecee from a forum member called [url="http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1194325445 "]Sandpaper.[/url]
‘Sadly’ most of the people I was close with here such as Beginning, MJ, Valjean, Barnes, Ian06 etc no longer seem to post. I put ‘Sadly’ quite selfishly because for all I know they all could be now be living full happy lives without the sinister cloud of addiction suffocating their existance.
Because that is what I tried to do, I tried to live life without paying attention to my addiction. I swept it under the carpet and made myself believe that porn/lies and masterbating could cohabite in a everyday life and someday just fade away when needed, I would pursue my other goals, work, masturbate here, porn there live for the day for someday everything would just come together and 'someday' i’d get good and live happily ever after.
Wrong! All my life was/is is rickety trailer truck driving down a highway at 100mph on an aimless on a one way road to nowhere. My addiction is simply the fuel that keep the truck driving.
This is where it stops! The brakes a back on and its time to find my true home.
C2M
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Post by C2M on Dec 24, 2007 21:07:47 GMT -5
Day 2 Hello again er... journal. 2007 has gone so fast, so much to say so little time. In terms of addiction recovery I see myself really progressing although soberity has'nt tallied more then 25 days the whole year. My social life has been so prosperous this year as oppossed to the reclusive loner that I was when I first joined this board that I have a more postive outlook for the future, I have more freinds then ever and most of them are WOMEN! On a sour note of all the female 'freinds' I have not one of them has been interested in being my gf. In fact only earlier today I had a date which ended in the usual line of " im not ready for a relationship yet and I only see you as a freind". It feels (expletive) being alone it really does If only I was a little bit more attractive!!! grrr C2M Oh year Merry Christmas
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Post by C2M on Dec 26, 2007 13:27:21 GMT -5
Goodbye old forum -
Yes this forum is closing and being replaced. Today is my 27th birthday and I have spent a good hour re-reading my journal from when I started back in 2006 till now. Two words sums it up - 'Bitter Sweet'.
It has made my cry it has made me laugh but the most amazing thing is is that all of it is 100% true. It is me, my life in words.
This year ultimately has been so much more positive than last year. For example I spent over £1000 on x mas gifts to friends and family, something I wouldn't have dreamed of previously. I am a more open and approachable person, less reserved, paranoid most of all less pessimistic.
Without blowing my own trumpet too hard I think I have written some fabulously motivating and inspirational stuff in both of my journals. I think I have excellent analytical skills and a charismatic, entertaining writing ability ( i made my ultimately boring life seem interesting) I am seriously considering taking up a vacation as a professional counselor...
Its pretty sad that im stuck here on my birthday writing this, but the truth is that I still porn, I am still private and still scared but believe the answer is out there, my journey continues...
Thank you forum
C2M
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