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Post by MJ on Feb 3, 2007 8:59:54 GMT -5
Hey SH, As usual, thank you very much for your words of support in my journal. I like the fact that you're non-judgemental, just like beginning and so many others here. The last thing we all need is somebody telling us that we're bad or sinning or whatever. I'm glad you're here on the board with us. Peace, MJ
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 3, 2007 18:29:55 GMT -5
Thanks Beginning & MJ! I've made it 40 hours now. I'm going to a party tonight and I hope it is fun. Worst case is that its no fun, I leave early, and get depressed. Best case I meet a woman who's attractive to me and I'm attractive to her and we trade phone numbers! When I was younger I always dreamed of going to a party and getting laid. That never seemed to happen. Now I have modified that fantasy and I'd be happy with anything, maybe even a smile from someone.
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 3, 2007 19:29:14 GMT -5
Sorry everyone I'm posting here so often but it seems to help me. I've made it 41 hours now. I'm about to go to the party. I feel good about myself because I've gone 41 hours. If I had just mb'd today I might be feeling in a fog again. I'm going to the party with a really cute girl who is a friend but don't see me and her as a couple in the future. Hey, actually it has its advantages to being totally single. The headache I had today is mostly gone so that is good.
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 4, 2007 0:55:06 GMT -5
I went to the party. I had the mild headache so that was uncomfortable in the loud environment. My friend wanted to leave early so I drove her home which was fine. I'm happy its quiet here back home. I've gone 43 hours now no p & mb which is good.
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Post by MJ on Feb 4, 2007 10:36:09 GMT -5
Good job SH! ---MJ
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 4, 2007 14:20:22 GMT -5
Thanks MJ - nice to know someone cares!
I had the headache all night again. But on the bright side I've gone 60 hours without the p & mb. I was in bed 11 hours because my headache was so miserable.
Last night I felt like everyone at the party liked me so that was good. But it was loud and honestly not a whole lot of fun.
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 4, 2007 23:59:48 GMT -5
70 hours. Last time I made it to 93. I think I'll make it this time. Don't want to put a figure on it but I should be OK this week.
I had another social evening and it was good. I am interested in visualizing my future girlfriend. This, instead of fantasizing about sex with men....
I need to make it through this evening. Evening has always been my tricky time to get through.
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 5, 2007 2:13:18 GMT -5
Slipped. But no orgasm. I'm going to remove[trigger]rubbing my nipples[/trigger]from my bottom line. I just couldn't stand not touching myself there. p is not OK and mb is not OK.
Back to Day Zero 2.4.07 11:10 PM
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 6, 2007 1:01:13 GMT -5
I'm not sure I should be coming here anymore. I just mb'd and looked at gay p again. I don't feel bad. I don't feel like I slipped. I let it happen. I'm not fighting tonight. I worked hard today and I needed to relax. I've got a positive attitude and that is really great - I'm happy about that. Perhaps I'll take up abstention again. But I've been in a cycle of swearing off p & mb, then doing it and swearing off again. I'm less depressed than I used to be. If anyone misses me just send me a note. I do feel a bit like no one cares a whole lot. SH Day Zero again 9:30 PM
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argus
Full Member
One day at a time
Posts: 171
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Post by argus on Feb 6, 2007 3:17:22 GMT -5
No sympathy from me this time.
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Post by MJ on Feb 6, 2007 6:31:47 GMT -5
Hey SH,
I understand where you're coming from. Since I've taken mb off of my bottom-line behavior list I've done it once a day for nearly the past week with just a few days off in between. I'm not feeling particularly bad about it, because mb isn't my true problem. I'm just like "whatever". No porn since two weeks ago, but that doesn't mean that I'm feeling any better about things.
Anyways, if you don't feel too great about your own healing, at least you know that there are other guys here just like you. That's how I feel right now.
Your friend, MJ
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 6, 2007 14:47:25 GMT -5
Feeling good today. Sorry Argus you are out of sympathy and I don't blame you but your comment seemed mean to me. Maybe you didn't mean to be mean but feel free to explain how you feel.
I've been in a cycle of abstention, slipping, feeling bad, abstention, slipping, feeling bad, etc. It hasn't been a real healthy approach. I just felt like being honest there.
Thank you MJ for being my friend and supporting whatever I might be going through.
I'm on Day One and feeling good. One of my greatest wishes is to have a positive attitude most of the time. It feels so much better to me. ;D
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youngconvalescent
New Member
When in need, no one cares who you are. Just if you can help.
Posts: 22
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Post by youngconvalescent on Feb 6, 2007 15:52:12 GMT -5
Hi SH,
I hope you luck with everything. Do you have anyone around to support you? If you need someone to talk to, I am usually on AIM or Yahoo.
Anyways, keep it up and take it a day at a time, you can succeed.
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argus
Full Member
One day at a time
Posts: 171
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Post by argus on Feb 7, 2007 5:25:21 GMT -5
Sorry for being so harsh. I don't really know you but I know you've become disconnected from your masculinity. The rewards for regaining your masculinity are great but the journey is hard and you need to continue to protect it once you have regained it. I'm starting on this journey myself because it is important for me and for the women I date. I also identify it as the cause of my slipping into watching porn (why be a real man when it is so easy to be a virtual one watching porn). Look you might think I'm talking rubbish and you've listened to all sorts of people telling you homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle and that it is OK. It might be OK to those who genuienly are gay but it does not apply to you. You have no emotional connection to these men you meet and you never will. Your brain doesn't allow it because you are a straight man. The love you want can only come from a woman. So the choice is yours as to what you want to do. Feel free to message me.
Also no offence intended to those who genuinely are gay.
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Post by seekinghealing on Feb 7, 2007 14:58:26 GMT -5
Argus thank you for the note. I am looking forward to having a girlfriend. I can picture her in my mind. It feels good to picture her. This could be true. I want to believe this but I don't really know for sure. As for making a decision I really want a girlfriend and that's never changed. Feel free to keep in touch and I'll keep you posted... I'm doing well; keeping busy; staying with a positive attitude. More and more I'm visualizing what I really want in my life, in my mind. SH
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