Should I throw out the CD's?

[imconfused]

Hi Everyone,

Its been a while since I have been on here, and well things seem to be ok.

I have however always had in the back of my mind thoses 6 CD's that I knew he had, which are full of P. Today I have a chance to take them and discard of them myself while he is out of the house.

I know the right thing to do would be ask him about them, but it also seems easier to just take them and throw them away. (In hope he doesnt download any more) He wouldn't have the guts to ask me if I have 'thrown and of his CD's away'. Or maybe I could be wrong... Am I willing to take that risk?

Does anyone have any advice? Throw them and say nothing, or ask him (also keeping in mind that this tells hims I have been going through his belongings'.

Thank you for your support on here. It really makes a difference when it seems like there is no one to talk to about such a sensative issue.

Confused

[truthorlie]

If he didn't ask for permission to download P onto them, why should you have to ask his permission to throw them out in the trash? If I were you, if I could go back in time and re-do sooooo much differently, I would break every one in half and place them on the top of the kitchen trash can trash pile so that he WOULD see what I did. Go for it! Where does "marriage" translate into "get your sexual rocks off anyway, anywhere, with anyone but your spouse"?

[saddkatt]

Yeah, it sure is a moral toss-up. There are a few cd's in my house that have "disappeared." He's never asked me about them. He hoards so much, though, he might not have actually noticed that they are missing. Can you just erase the cd's, put them back in their hiding spot, and just let him think that perhaps something random happened to corrupt the cd's? If he has nothing to hide, then it wouldn't matter if someone went through his belongings. If he wants to be a sneak, then oh, well; two can play that game.

There's a risk, though. If I react to situations with "If you sneak, I'll sneak too", then he can react to that with "if you sneak, I'll sneak harder."

And around and around it goes. Addiction is a creepy world permeated with suspicion and sneaking and lies. It ruins everybody.

[LookingUp]

If they're rewritable CD's, some women have just covered them with Barney cartoons, etc. That way he still HAS his CD's but with family friendly entertainment.

LookingUp

[truthorlie]

The point of doing ANYTHING to the CD's is to LET HIM KNOW YOU DID IT.
Don't bother doing stuff to them (hiding them, throwing them in the outside dumpster, etc.)... If you do something, don't cower, let him know you did it! And be prepared to tell him why, just in case he "finds" the balls he lost years ago and asks you about it!

[megan11]

I say chuck em and tell him you chucked em. Be open and honest, that is what you want from him, right? Show him what you expect by practicing what you preach.
Honestly, i would ask him for them while you stand there and watch him give them to you, then ask him if he really needs them, if not can we break them and toss them together?
I really am too much of an honest person though, sometimes that isnt very good for me.

[completelydone]

I don't understand why this is even a question? TAKE A HAMMER TO THE DANG THINGS AND LEAVE THE SPLINTERS FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP!! Take your stand with it! If he had a woman in your bed when you got home, would you throw her out? I should hope so! Or would you ask his permission first; or hide her under the bed? I would say NOT!! He has no right to his porn whores! Good grief, Shattered Bride took an axe to her husbands computer! I think, if he was smarter than a box of rocks, that he took her seriously at that point.

Take care,
CD

[sad]

I don't think that there should be any doubt in your mind that the CDs should go. I also think that he should know that you got rid of them. When I found my husband's 120 porn DVDs, and met him at the door with them, HE took them to the trash. I can't believe I did this, but the next morning, I was so paranoid that I checked the trash can to make sure that they were still there. They were. Today, however... I think that I would have smashed or broken every one of them before telling him that I had them.

[kianna]

First, HE should of gotten rid of them. Second, he never respected nor honored you while he was getting these cd's. Why should he deserve any honor or respect in whether or not you destroy them?

[susan]

I would smash 'em and leave them at the top of the garbage bag. That way, he knows. Then I'd wait to see if he was man enough to say anything.

[P]

He doesn't know that you know about the porn?

Does he know how you feel about him watching it?

It all needs to be tossed on the table. His porning, the CDs, how you feel......

It won't just fix itself. You can't wish it away nor will he just one day wake up and think oh I don't want to do porn anymore.

I hoped for that for years.

[megan11]

I only offered my above advice because i did the wrong thing. I got my point across and was very upset when i did my H dvds.
I put them in a nice pretty sewing box and told my 5 year old daughter to give it to H because EVERYTHING he has always loved is in that box and fits in that box, then asked her in front of him if she and her sister fit in that box, she replied with no, then i told her that she was right and everything that I LOVE doesnt fit in a small box like that because her and her sister didnt fit inside of it.
He was super pissed and she was upset because she couldnt see what was in it because of course he wouldnt show her. Not proud here, thats why i offered up something better for you.

[zerotolerance]

I've taken my h's and never said a word before too. He has never said a word about noticing them missing either, but he sure has torn the house apart looking for "something", shortly thereafer, EVERYTIME. I also have taken then right in front of him and thrown them out. And I have destroyed them and left it for him see leaving no doubt what I thought about it. If everything seems "ok", then he shouldn't feel like, nor think, he needs to keep em for any reason, now, should he? The only they are used for is p-ng. Is he suppose to be p-ng? We should probably all be taking them and keeping them safe as potential evidence should it ever become necc. I have a nice stash of p for that reason. All his fav g/f's too. boo hoo. Should he keep stuff in YOUR house too, that you find offensive and that upsets you just knowing it is there? You have a right to feel safe and comfortable in your home. And it is his obligation to help ensure it, not to thwart it imo. Esp not something so childish, and adultress, as a collection of other women. If they bother you, then it is time for them to go, one way or another. I don't think it really matters so much which method you choose, except for some are less confrontational, but they are ALL effective. Do you want to stir the pot, or just throw the rotten stew out? Examine your motivations for the answers as to what/how you should do it. What would make you feel better? A fight about them, a conversation (if poss), or a discreet removal. Does he operate under a share and share alike policy too, or does he sneakily keep them? My thoughts are if p are there, they will use, or be far more likely to use. Of course it's always there with the internet. But my h was addicted LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG before the internet came along. He used mags, vids, everything, anything, the internet just gives it too interveinously now.

[truthorlie]

I agree with Megan and CD - Stand up in front of him and ask him to go and retrieve all of his porn (don't specify what kind - you never know if he has mags or other crap, too), just stand there and tell him to go GET IT AND LIKE NOW! But don't raise your voice. Don't fight. But don't back down. When he goes and gets it, hold your hand out or a tray out, if necessary - he may have LOADS of it, and then proceed to break or rip or whatever EVERY PIECE OF IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Then calmly dump it on the floor in front of him. Then calmly tell him to clean it up. THEN, calmly tell him that he now, from this point forward, clean up his life and KEEP IT CLEAN. And if you ever catch him again, that you will LEAVE HIM. And this is the most important thing you can say. Because if you tell him, in PLAIN ENGLISH, that you WILL LEAVE, and he STILL does it - how many times do you think it will take "catching him" before he stops? Don't know the exact number? Well, obviously HE DOESNT EITHER if he continues. He's lost control of himself if he continues after your ultimatum and you will NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP HIM. You can't stop him now. Only he can. You can influence his decision to stop, BUT you cannot STOP HIM YOURSELF.

((((( Hugs )))))

[dazednconfused]

confused:
I say tell him he needs to get rid of all the prn. It is not acceptable in your house... but you need to have a boundry if he refuses. He needs to show some sort of comitment to ridding himself of this crap.. it is his responsibility to purge it. If you dump it, he will just buy more. It is your responsibility to protect yourself from his hurtful actions, but have a boundry. For me it is prn or your family. Use that sh!t again and you lose us.

**** if there is real threat of physical harm by confronting him, don't... make arrangements to get out of the relationship, but don't confront and put yourself in harms way**************

-dazed