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Post by 9bogie673 on Mar 4, 2007 12:33:59 GMT -5
Welcome to the board! You CAN beat the addiction - take heart! It hasn't really ruined your life yet, but it can if you let it!
Remember to stay busy. Read books by Carnes, and Skinner. Get you some hobbies to keep your mind and time occupied. And remember - don't try to do this alone!
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Post by budge99 on Aug 2, 2007 7:41:25 GMT -5
SO, I'm back
Things went really well for me. I met a nice girl and was happy with myself and my life. I felt like I didn't need porn to be happy and for a few months everything was good.
BUT over the past couple of weeks I have broken up with my gf. I have sunk back into the habit of P and MB and it is almost as bad as it ever was. I made the mistake of thinking I was over it, when I really wasn't. Now I need to start again from scratch. The good thing is I am moving away somewhere new tomorrow, which represents a clean break for me. However, I am not going to really know anyone where I am going and this is going to make it harder to keep myself occupied with other things.
So anyway, I'm here to try again. I've done it before, I know I can do it again
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Post by yalpiri on Aug 2, 2007 17:05:03 GMT -5
My story is also very much like yours! I'm also 22 (born in 85), and the porn has more or less dominated my youth. When the internet came and the internet speed have grown faster over the past years, so has my addiction only grown worse.
But I'll tell you one thing: Keeping this a secret will only make it worse. I actually broke the ice yesterday and told my counsellor about my addiction, and that was the first time I ever told about it to another person. It was not easy to finally talk openly about it, but I'm very glad that I did! To talk about it, face to face with another person actually does helps alot, and helps clear up your mind. I also recomend you to read books about this problem. Right now I'm readning "In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior" by Patric Carnes and have sure helped me in understanding what this terrible addiction is all about! To learn about what's actually going on in your own head, is very important when you are going start with recovery from this damn thing!
It's a fight in our own head, and we are helping eachother to win this!
EDIT: Ok, didn't see until now that this actually was an old thread...
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Post by budge99 on Aug 8, 2007 17:12:40 GMT -5
After 6 days sober I slipped tonight
Back to day 1
Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around
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Post by budge99 on Aug 11, 2007 17:13:16 GMT -5
3 days sober
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daftpunkez
Full Member
"To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine"
Posts: 148
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Post by daftpunkez on Aug 12, 2007 9:26:07 GMT -5
Budge99: Your story is similar to mine. My problem has increased a lot since I had the internet installed in my house. I simply find it too hard to resist at times.
Often i think of the time I have wasted and what i could have achieved if I had spent my time looking at P doing something productive. Now I try to think of it like this:
In 10 weeks time 10 weeks will have passed. I know that this is going to happen, it is an inevitability. Therefore, I might as well spend this time as well as I best I can. I am going to read more and go to the gym more. This is a simple but important change in my state of mind. When those 10 weeks are over I will notice a huge difference and will feel better. The other option is that in 10 weeks time I'll still be attempting to quit P and then slipping and then trying to quit P and then...etc.
You can't change the past only the future so don't dwell it. The next few hours are always the most important of your life, as is this day, as is this week. If you spend this time wisely you will hopefully never need P again.
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Post by budge99 on Aug 17, 2007 19:41:40 GMT -5
thanks daftpunkez, that is good advice
i made it to ten days. during that time i have used my time more productively, i've been to the gym, started running again and i do feel a lot more productive and positive
unfortunately tonight i slipped. it wasn't a bad slip, nothing 'hardcore' and i stopped myself and said what are you doing?
life's much better without P
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Post by budge99 on Aug 17, 2007 20:19:07 GMT -5
Saturday August 18th 2007 = the first day of the rest of my life
Target One: no porn for the rest of August
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Post by wanttoquit4good on Aug 18, 2007 13:37:29 GMT -5
Hey budge99...just read through this entire thread. I can really relate to your struggles. You are fortunate that you are still very young and the addictive behaviour has only been for the past couple years...focus on that fact because you have a good chance of beating this. Just wanted to say that I have been through similar situations. I love women as well and have had many close friends that were women, but throughout my life have experienced lots of rejection. (the reasons for this would entail another long thread...let's just say that I suffered from "nice guy" syndrome in the past ). The porn trap preys us people who have experienced this. It's so much easier to escape into a fantasy where an imaginary woman desires you. But what a lie. And it just crushes your self-esteem and confidence so that when you do meet someone you would like to get to know better, that voice in the back of your head beats you down because of what you've looked at and sabatoges your chances...or becomes critical and looks for flaws in the person, just so you can return to the stupid fantasy.
I have been struggling the past 7 years myself. Determined to quit for good this time.
There are a couple of good threads you may want to join up for after you reach your goal at the end of August....there is a 40 day thread and a 100 day thread. You can do it!
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Post by capillarian on Aug 19, 2007 7:19:38 GMT -5
Hey budge. Although I'm a couple of years younger than you and have been addicted for a few more years, your story rings very true to me. Best of luck; we're all in this together. [glow=red,2,300]Off-Topic Alert[/glow]A previous group leader of mine said, "you need an army to help you with this." Which kind of scared me a little. What's true is you probably need more help than you think you do, and you should get it. Now. Don't let this drag on and on, this sort of thing can easily progress, which is why some folks here refer to this kind of addiction as a "progressive disease." I'm telling you this from experience. Get help now, and more than just here. Although on the other hand, this support board is pretty awesome. I just think especially since you are just beginning to address this, you need to really hit this with everything you can. Your life is ahead of you. I know you've made good choices for yourself in the past. Make this one now. Two of the best paragraphs I have read all week. Thanks a lot for the sagely advice, ferdberfil. It strikes a chord with me, as I didn't experience real 'progress' until I started looking for help outside myself. daftpunkez, you are most definitely the shizzit. Thanks for sharing the idea.
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Post by budge99 on Sept 1, 2007 6:16:27 GMT -5
thanks guys well i made it to my first target of the end of august (2 weeks) next target is to make it through september
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Post by JohnG on Sept 1, 2007 6:27:57 GMT -5
To those who said I should tell my family and friends or a counsiller, I don't think that is necessary. I don't want to tell anyone, I don't think they would understand and I know I can beat this on my own. I will beat this on my own. One week clean If you really want to get well it will be important to recognize that some people here know a little bit more than you about what it takes to beat the addiction. To find solutions, I look for those that are really doing well and have been doing so for quite a while and then I look at what they are doing, in concrete terms, to advance their recovery. I have yet to see one person on this board achieve long term sobriety on their own or while maintaining total secrecy in the "real world." If you find that you continue to struggle, please consider the possibility that this has something to do with it. A friend, JohnG
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Post by MrOuch on Sept 1, 2007 11:41:09 GMT -5
Early on, I tried to quietly free myself from the grip of P. I was successful for a time, but I soon found out that it wasn't as easy as I thought. Now my wife, a friend and a counselor act as my accountability partners. Telling another person about my problem cast everything in a new light. Dragging my ugly sins out into the light of day helped me to understand them and myself better. Keeping everything in darkness only feeds the shadows.
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Post by charles515 on Sept 1, 2007 15:12:15 GMT -5
That is a great line! I'm sure you're not the first to say it but when I read it, it really hit me.
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Post by MrOuch on Sept 2, 2007 22:49:00 GMT -5
Or, in the words of Homer Simpson:
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."
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