anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 4, 2007 20:00:25 GMT -5
Day 12I've decided that a journal might help me, even if it's little more than a day count - I think it would be interesting to have a record of my journey in one single thread, rather than having to track back through my posts. Anyways, as I mentioned in other threads it's getting tougher as I get closer to 2 weeks - that's generally where I fall. But this time I will make it through. In order to achieve that I'm - Only going on the internet with a specific objective - no more random browsing/meandering. This objective can still be leisure - but it must be time estimated and specific.
- Cut down time on the internet in general - I think it's another problem of mine.
- Check into this board everyday - in the past whenever I've fallen, it's always been after I've stopped checking in on the board.
- Do something active everyday.
- Get to bed before 10PM everyday and get 8 hours of sleep everyday.
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Post by mrbister on Dec 5, 2007 10:12:08 GMT -5
Good list of rules to help you achieve your aim. Sleep is an especially important factor. I have been sleep deprived on and off for a while and it has been giving me real difficulties. When we're tired I think it's that much harder to stay focussed and keep away from P.
Stay strong through this tough period, even if it lasts a while. I've just started to get through the longest tough period I've ever experienced, around one week of feeling constantly under pressure trying not to think of or use P. These times are incredibly hard but that much more worth getting through for exactly that reason. Once you're through you will know that you are strong enough to face down your cravings. What's more, it will help you to find the strength in yourself in the future too. Good luck.
Mr. B.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 6, 2007 2:56:27 GMT -5
@ mr bister, Thank you for the advice and encouragement - your journal is one of the one's I've been reading regularly and it's good to have your input. Reading your journal as well I'm prepared for the tough period to be longer than 14, or even 30 days.
Day 13
This day has been going well so far, and although it's almost completed, there is still enough time to slip, so I must remain vigilant.
I'm feeling generally more happy, upbeat and energetic without P & MB, as well as more confident in public - it's a good feeling and one that I will keep, so long as I stay away from P & MB.
I'm spending less time browsing the net in general and here as well - I'm trying to spend less than 30 minutes here a day in total, although checking in here, in the threads that I frequent is a good way to orientate myself for the day and renew my aims for the next day.
That sounds sort of similar to the idea of bookending that AA/SA has, and while I don't follow/plan to follow any of their models, I just thought it was interesting.
Today has been good, and tommorow will be as well.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 7, 2007 2:07:49 GMT -5
Day 14
Checking in here again. Today was the toughest so far, but I'm still doing well. Each time I find a site that's triggering to me I add it to K9, regardless of whether or not it is in anyway related to P/MB.
I find this helps strengthen the filter's net each day. The filter itself is great - I've not been kicked off (it has an auto kick off if 5 blocked pages are found in 1 hour), it works well if you work with it rather than against it. I find it's more that it reminds me that I'm about to go off track, rather than it stops me - I could get past it easily, by finding non blocked things or just getting rid of it alltogether. But I choose not to and will continue choosing not to.
I never P or MB anymore.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 8, 2007 3:13:45 GMT -5
Day 15
I've got two full weeks behind me! This is normally where I fall, but this time I will not. I was tempted not to write this journal today, but I remembered everytime I have fallen it's been afer I've gone of the board. So I'm going to try to post an entry every day until at least day 100.
The days are getting tougher but also more rewarding - I feel happier and more cheerful each new day that goes by.
I'm 10/11 days away from being on the over 25 days list over at the 100 days thread, 17 away from staying clean till Christmas and 23 days away from being free from P/MB for a full calendar month!
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 9, 2007 1:26:05 GMT -5
Day 16
I'm still here, Still going well. Not much else to say - I'm pretty happy with how everything's going, but I'm not complacent.
I saw a post somewhere on this board about how there was not such thing as a 'slip' but rather it's a choice to P/MB. I agree with that a lot - it's not accidental, it always begins with middle circle behaviours.
There was a post in the Secular Circle by artic, I think about how important it is to interupt middle circle behaviours - for instance by walking out of the house. It's something I should remember - that middle circle behaviours don't offer any release and can only lead to P/MB - so if you're trying to not do either of those, middle circle behaviours are completely pointless - they only serve to undermine your efforts to live P/Mb free.
I never P or MB anymore.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 10, 2007 4:48:21 GMT -5
Day 17
Still here, no urge to P, it's just MB that I've got to watch for the moment. Still going strong, just journalling to keep up the habit.
I'm sure I had other things to say but I've forgotten them all - anyways, I'm upbeat and postitive and moving quickly through December.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 11, 2007 2:48:47 GMT -5
Day 18
Posting once again to keep up the habit, almost 20 days/3 weeks now. Things are going well.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 11, 2007 9:32:58 GMT -5
Anew,
Congrats on your recovery work!!
Fight the good fight!!
bf
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 12, 2007 3:23:21 GMT -5
breakingfree, Thanks for your contribution to my journal and for recommending journaling every day to someone else - it helps me to think that I'm on the right track, which I definitely think I am. I also enjoyed your enthusiasm in the limerick thread (which I lurked in - I do that a bit). And of course, good luck with your continued recovery. Day 19I meant to post most of this yesterday, but my computer bugged out and I lost the post, so I'll post it today. I went looking through the older pages of the journal thread - page 30s and even the very last page. It was disheartening to see so many people who had started of their journal enthusastically, then never returned to it. And while I hope that they've moved past PA or found more appropriate recovery tools for them, I very much doubt that is the case. It reminds me a lot of our memberlist, with loads of people who've never made a post or who have gone AWOL after a short (or extended) time posting. Both of these things strengthen my resolve to post in this thread, everyday, regardless of how small my contribution is. What is heartening though is having to retrieve my journal from page 2 everyday - it's good to know that there are a large number of active journals out there. I always find it a lot easier to keep typing once I get going. I'm still going well - I struggled the past 2/3 days, but I'm going well again I believe - but I must keep posting. That I'm sure is a large motivator not to act out - knowing that I'll have to post here anyways and that I'll be here for 100 days regardless of how successful they are - so they might as well be successful. As for the list I posted in my very first post - I've been able to keep checking in here and cut down time on the internet, but I've only been slightly successful in going to sleep by 10 and honestly haven't tried/enacted at all any method of going onto the internet with a specific purpose - I find myself drawn here without any real aim. I think I'll start up a project of some sort and focus on that so that I've got something to do here - I find it hard to browse really, i get stuck on 1-8 sites for years and never venture from them - as sort of self-selective narrowing of the world wide web. Things are still going well, I'm still feeling happy. I never P or MB anymore.
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Post by tomlincolnsixecho on Dec 12, 2007 4:58:17 GMT -5
Hey awesome effort, Don't worry about the past, If the Celtics had won the last 20 games at home against the Lakers does that mean that they will win. Commentators go on about it but it means nothing, because history means nothing, Its how you present yourself today. As for the two weeks, I totally understand, that for me is frustration zone. I start throwing stuff around, get angry etc. I like how you have set some guidelines, particularly the sleep one, I last night, did a no no, and downloaded P til 3am, and then couldnt' be bothered going into work. I've never ever done that. I am taking notes from your journal soem good information, thankyou and keep each day clean
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 13, 2007 7:24:31 GMT -5
@ tomlincolnsixecho, Thanks for the support and encouragement - I wish you good luck in starting up your own recovery again and getting up the day count.
Day 20
Today was good, still P and MB free. This is just a quick note to keep up the journalling habit - it's seen my do well so far. Anyways, goodnight.
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backstabber
Junior Member
The man with no plan
Posts: 51
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Post by backstabber on Dec 13, 2007 17:33:11 GMT -5
Day 20, you are the king!
Keep on going, and keep thinking about how good you've done. Everyday that you survive is a victory for it self, and looking at it from a 1, 10, 40, 160 or a lifetime days perspective even feels as you have really achieved something.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 14, 2007 3:21:13 GMT -5
backstabber, Thank you for the encouragement - I needed it today. Just looking at your journal and your 40 day war plan, you seem pretty intense about this - loads of restrictions, a lot of which make sense to me (I've noticed my TV use is zero at this point - it's just as passive as P and doesn't hold much appeal to me). I wish you good luck with your efforts and will be checking by your journal regularly. Day 21Today was one of the toughest so far - it's strange as I thought I was getting a good run on easy days on, but apparently there are still plenty more bumps in the road for me. The main thing today was just stress and frustration - it lead me to seeking out middle circle materials (which failed completley, thanks to K9) and got me locked off the computer for an hour - which was what I needed. I think the main thing is to find alternate methods of dealing with these things. Anyways, I'm still going, P and MB free.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 15, 2007 1:04:35 GMT -5
Day 22
I've got 3 weeks behind me, yet I don't really feel great about things at the moment. I'm still free from P and MB and I'm journalling here to keep up the habit.
I keep typing out repsonses to other people's journal entries, then deleting them - I just can't think of what to say.
'Night.
Edit: It's clear that I need to change something at this point - I'm going to limit myself to 10 minutes on the computer each day for the next three days - long enough to come here once, check in on my journal and write some encouragement and support in others journals. I feel better just writing that, It's strange. I will be sure to check in here though - gotta keep up the habit.
I'll pick up Christmas presents tommorow - that'll be good.
I will stay strong. I can not be overcome.
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