anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 16, 2007 4:56:00 GMT -5
Day 23
Still P and MB free.
Only a couple more days until I'm on the big board in the 100 days thread.
I'm checking in quickly - things are up and down, but on the whole things are going up.
Edit: I seem to do this a lot lately - I just noticed I had 100 views today. It feels good to know that other people are watching this, and I hope it helps them.
Good Night.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 17, 2007 1:48:05 GMT -5
Day 24
Wow, 1 day off 25 days.
Checking in quickly again - Still P and MB free.
I'm finding it a lot harder to stay MB free than P free. My main goal is to stay free of P, which I have achieved thus far and will continue to achieve. I'm not sure what my feelings on MB are, only that I know it's linked to P use for me.
I found myself thinking that I had already established my routine and didn't need the site anymore, but I don't believe that is true. That's my aim though - to no longer have to use this site as a crutch/method of accountability - but that's getting well ahead of myself.
I'll think about that after 100 days of continuous posting.
Edit: (I really do this a lot) - I suppose while I've got nothing against MB either way, it's like P in that for me it achieves nothing postitive and has only negative consequences. I think I'll continue to stay away from it. P is a definite no though - now and forever.
I don't use P or MB now.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 18, 2007 2:30:01 GMT -5
Day 25
Day 25. I'm here.
Today was easier for me - no P and MB is becoming more habit than anything else.
This is good, but I've got to start doing more with the rest of my life.
Good Night.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 19, 2007 3:01:35 GMT -5
Day 26Wow, almost off the 3rd page. I'm 1/4 of the way there - 25 days complete. Reading a post that tomlincolnsixecho (what a name) made the other day, it made me think. I am eliminating P and MB because they prevented me obtaining my goals - I've done that fairly well so far. Now it's time to ramp up the pursuit of my other goals. That's what I'll work on for the next 25 days. My day count will be reset if I haven't achieved something that assists my goals - my goals are pretty wide, so provided I actually do something postive, this shouldn't be too restrictive. This starts day 27, we'll see how it goes. Edit: (Hey, why not another edit?) two thoughts occured to me today: 1. I was thinking about posting a 1-10 ranking of how difficult it had been to abstain that day, then turning it into a graph over the 75 days that I've got left. But I've decided against it - I can see the waves just through reading the posts. I also think in a strange way it would lead me to rationalise - I would be able to say that day was too difficult or whatever. I had a similar thought about the 100 days thread - it would be interesting to have a graph/tally of what day people were on when they fell. But ultimately, this is an individual journey. 2. I was also thinking how strange this board is. Everyone here is pretty great - even those I may not agree with, and the talk is all good and supportive, and I like my journal. But I thought about specifically *why* everyone was here, and it's odd. I thought briefly (not triggering/fantasy) about the P I used to look at - and it just struck me as wierd. I can say that escalation was definitely in effect. The thought of P at all just doesn't seem right to me, and I certainly can't see myself looking again. I have been feeling triggered in the past - but now, all I can see is just the absurdity and perverseness of it all. Edit2: Apparently I've been here for the better part of an hour. I'll add 2 more conditions to my continued day count, to create a total day count conditions list (as well as getting too sleep early . . .): - Spend no more than 15 minutes on noporn.com - log in using the 15 minutes option only once at the end of each day.
- Do something active towards my goals.
- Only log onto the computer with an active purpose, and log off when this purpose is fulfilled. A purpose can only take 30 minutes to complete - more computer time is fine, but break the purpose up to ensure I don't go off task.
Start anew.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
|
Post by anew on Dec 20, 2007 3:41:03 GMT -5
Day 27
Day 27 - My first day on the big board. That feels good.
I've actively worked towards my goals today, haven't browsed without intent and have logged in here using the 15 minute option.
I logged in earlier for about a minute to post but I couldn't post until I'd worked towards my goals - so I did that for a bit, then came back.
Anyways, I'll be quick.
I never use P or MB now.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 21, 2007 4:15:27 GMT -5
Day 28
Not too much to say - everythings going well at the moment, I'm not feeling any urges and have got my recovery system working out for me.
I've got everything Christmasy worked out on my end as well.
All is well, for now - I will remain strong.
I was reading backstabber's journal and he said something which I think is pretty correct:
I'm starting to think that there is no such thing like p addiction. It's all about our choices, and I chose to use p. Every single time I could have controlled myself, but I chose not to. This thing about struggle with p is also bull(expletive). Either you use it or you do not use it, there is no struggle. Either you say to yourself that you are done with it, or you continue using it.
Either you say to yourself that you are done with it, or you continue using it.
For me that's all there is too it at this point in time. It's a choice - P, MB and objectification are either right or they're wrong. If they're wrong, then I should stay away from them. If they're right, then what am I doing here?
Like backstabber, I also feel I right alot of nothing here - but I'm going to keep writing it for 100 days. For anyone reading this thread, that may well be my only contribution to this board - that keeping a journal everyday for 100 days is one of the surest roads to success you can have. I'm fine with that.
Anew.
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
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Post by anew on Dec 22, 2007 2:48:47 GMT -5
Day 29
Still free from P and MB.
Not too much to say - just keeping up the habit.
I choose not to P or MB anymore.
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backstabber
Junior Member
The man with no plan
Posts: 51
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Post by backstabber on Dec 22, 2007 14:31:20 GMT -5
Going towards day 30 are you? You are doing really good! Keep it up! Yeah, I've thought that this whole journal thing is bad, and that someone reading something or writing something won't help them fighting their p problem. The only thing a person should do is say no, and NOT think about it anymore. Sure at times its tough, but if you sad no to it, then there is no problem. p is a problem not a solution to problems. A mans p problem is his own fight, there is no one that can help you or fight the problem for you. Remember that. I tried and failed so many times... Well, you are really all nice and clean now. Keep in your mind that there are a lot of people who never had a p addiction, but have never reached day 30 without p or mb. Especially mb. You are cleaner that all the clean people that consider themselves clean and who consider p addicts dirty. The only cleaner people on earth then you are priests and old man. So keep clean!
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anew
Junior Member
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Posts: 80
|
Post by anew on Dec 23, 2007 1:47:47 GMT -5
Day 30backstabber - thanks for the support and the reminder that the P option isn't an answer. I'm not sure what to make of the second part of your post - I'm not out to be cleaner than anyone, only to make my own life function as best it can. Although it is an interesting note that there aren't that many people out there who are 'clean'. Day 30, all is going well today - I haven't slacked off on the computer, I've been active and I've stayed away from P and MB. All is going well. My posts are getting a little short at the moment - which I am slighlty worried about (it may be a tapering to nothing), however I can't have something insightful to post everyday Edit: I'll be starting this journal over on the new board tommorow - there aren't too many people posting there, but I figure I'll have to move eventually and 30 days is a nice achievement on this board. Anew.
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