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Post by petitjean on Dec 19, 2007 15:59:50 GMT -5
9 full days porn free
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Just a quick check-in this evening to say that I'm still clean, but busy and tired. Will do a proper post tomorrow.
petitjean
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I WILL NEVER USE PORNOGRAPHIC MEDIA AGAIN AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND
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Post by petitjean on Dec 20, 2007 14:31:58 GMT -5
10 full days porn free ------ I felt myself sliding into pre-slip mode this afternoon but have 'dealt with' it. These last couple of weeks have been really busy but now I have no work other than routine admin until January 7th, so there was a big feeling of stress release. Always a dangerous time. I have a SO ... I would like to tell her everything but don't feel anywhere near strong enough to do that yet; I am too afraid of losing her. Considering how close we are (even though we are living mostly apart because of circumstances), it's surprising I haven't mentioned SO more in my journal. Probably a guilty conscience is part of it. I posted in MrBister's journal earlier - he's just made a full confession to his SO - and I'm wondering myself how I can get from here to there. When we're apart, SO and I try talk to each other every day on Skype. She is very loving towards me, always wants to hold hands and snuggle up to me in bed (I like that too). When we're out, I don't see many other middle-aged couples who look quite so close. Sometimes I wonder what she sees in me - although I'm quite well kept for my age, and people say I have a way with words, I'm not very good at anything practical and don't have any interesting hobbies. Once I physically forced a burglar out of our bedroom and she admired me for that. We met in 2001, a few months after my divorce, at a professional gathering. After my year of hell, I'd started to go through a sort of mini-recovery; I'd lost the weight (and more) I'd put on after giving up smoking and was keeping myself fit. Thanks to some psychotherapy, I had reduced my porn use but without cutting it out completely. Our sex life at the beginning was intense, as ever it is with new couples I imagine. However, it settled down after a while to an average rhythm of about twice in three weeks, at the times when we were living together; it's kind of stayed that way - I don't know what's supposed to be normal for a couple with a combined age of 95. Initially, I didn't find it difficult to stay off porn when we were living together - when I was alone was the problem. However, there was a major trauma in SO's family in 2004 which was the start of her having long absences from home. She has two grown-up(ish) children who don't live with us and they became her number one priority. Throughout that initial long absence my porn use took root again and this time continued secretly whenever she came back. I will take up the story again in tomorrow's post, all being well. I'm hoping to continue my journal on the new board once my registration has been confirmed. I will post the new link here when the time arises. petitjean ------ I WILL NEVER USE PORNOGRAPHIC MEDIA AGAIN AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND |
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Post by petitjean on Dec 21, 2007 15:02:49 GMT -5
11 full days porn free ------ Just a quick note to say that I've moved over definitively to the new board. See you there! Here's the direct link to my journal: npsupport.net/community/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=114I WOULD BE GRATEFUL IF PEOPLE COULD POST MESSAGES OF SUPPORT, PREFERABLY IN MY NEW JOURNAL OR BY PM, ON OR JUST BEFORE JAN 6TH 2008, AS I AM EXPECTING A MAJOR TRIGGERING OCCASION. THANKS petitjean ------ I WILL NEVER USE PORNOGRAPHIC MEDIA AGAIN AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND |
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