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Post by choselife on Jan 25, 2007 7:18:28 GMT -5
Don't have much time to write now, but just wanted to say that you sound real, real, real, real good! With that girl back in the US, follow that advice you would give to a friend. Don't obsess thinking about it, I don't see what the point is. Its so far removed from the moment. You have been doing a terrific job taking care of the moments, as indicated in your posts. Continue to do so, and it is guaranteed to be a brighter future. How you felt today about your 14th day of sobriety was the future 15 days ago, and you felt good because of all of those moments you did the right thing. I believe the analogy applies towards your return to the states. So just keep on doing what you are doing!
CL
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Post by JohnG on Jan 25, 2007 7:42:48 GMT -5
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Post by JohnG on Jan 25, 2007 9:56:09 GMT -5
Note to self:
I promise to stay out of this thread: Re: The boys club and their code of (dis) honor
I am saying it here so that I will be less tempted to go out and do it later. It is bad enough to browse the SO forum, posting would be even more stupid. There are actually good reasons to read over there, it is just hard to not get sucked into certain threads...
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Post by ethanm on Jan 25, 2007 10:03:39 GMT -5
I browse the SO forum to get an idea on how women in the same predicament as my SO think, react, and what standards they expect, and I notice my job gets easier as I hold it to these standards, which isn't that hard, none of what they need us to do will kill us, just changing a few factors of how we live our lives.
I read that thread this morning, I hope the SO's that have PA/SA mates that are really making an earnest attempt at recovery realize that may have been the frame of mind we once had, but no longer. I think alot of the feminist ideas about how we should respect others should apply to both sides of the fence, we should be calling it Humanism.
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Post by JohnG on Jan 25, 2007 16:43:28 GMT -5
Had a very good meeting tonight at AA. The topic was emotional entanglements and there was a lot of good sharing and I talked more about PA. It was a really good feeling and later one of the women shared about some of her sexual issues.
Till tomorrow,
JohnG
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Post by somedude on Jan 25, 2007 16:58:09 GMT -5
JohnG,
I was really touched by the things you wrote in MJ's journal, you took a lot of time to call him out on some of his behaviors that made me very uncomfortable. I wanted to tell him some of the things you did, but I guess I'm just not quite ready to help others at that level.
Over the next few days I'm going to catch up on your journal here.
Tim
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Post by pointfive on Jan 25, 2007 18:18:03 GMT -5
Hey JohnG, the moderator at PAI told me you don't need a confirmation and you can just log on.
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Post by JohnG on Jan 26, 2007 6:30:49 GMT -5
DAY 16 Feeling very good again. I had another dream last night where I was acting out. Again, I knew that I was acting out and couldn't stop - it was with two women (not P). When I woke up I was aroused but I immediately calmed down - I did not have to fight down any temptation to MB. I don't know if this was because I am getting any better or because I had to take a leak. My meeting last night was very good as I mentioned briefly last night. When I shared about my PA the group was not only supportive but others started to share about thier sexual issues, including one woman. She later told me that she appreciated my share because until I brought the topic out she couldn't talk about it. That felt really good - to hear not only support, but to have someone thank me for sharing. If I keep having responses like that and work the steps and use this board there is no question I will get better. I will only fail if I stop working. I have noticed that I am less concerned about the future question of MB. I had the same reaction initially that I had to the idea of giving up booze. "How can I stop drinking forever?" I was getting hung up on the question of "do I have to stop MB forever?" I just don't worry about it now. If I decide later I want to start again, fine, but I don't NEED to, and for the next 24 hours I am not going to do it. That is all that matters. Even the day count seems less important now. It does matter to me, but the real measure of my progress is inside me. I have made it a couple of times to 16 days but never with so much color in my knuckles. I am looking at them right now and they look pretty normal. I called my sponsor yesterday before my meeting and he was in bed - I talked to his wife for a bit and if he is feeling better today, when my GF gets off work we will go over to see them. That's it for now. Hello and thanks to .5 and somedude for dropping by. I appreciate the help .5 and will see you over at PAI soon. JohnG
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Post by JohnG on Jan 26, 2007 8:27:04 GMT -5
From a post by me to CL: I want you to know that everything that I have said I say because I care and because all of it applies just as much to me as it does to you. I do the same stuff myself, but I cannot usually see things clearly when I look at myself. I have to see my behaviour reflected in your post to see it for what it is. I, JohnG, pressure my GF into sex. To gratify myself. And when I am careful that she should feel pleasure too, it is to sooth my own guilt, not out of love for her.lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=journal&action=display&thread=1111839759&page=103#1169817840I came to this realization as I was posting to CL. I need to say it here. JohnG
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Post by choselife on Jan 26, 2007 8:38:38 GMT -5
Ah, the power of two people sincerely working together (and individually) to heal!
CL
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Post by JohnG on Jan 26, 2007 10:01:51 GMT -5
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Post by JohnG on Jan 26, 2007 11:32:59 GMT -5
I am checking out for the weekend.
I will check in for a minute or so each day - as always.
This has been a good week. Thanks to all those that have supported me. I cannot do this alone - you all have kept me safe for the past 16 days. That is a fact.
JohnG
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Post by ethanm on Jan 26, 2007 16:36:10 GMT -5
Good to hear, if you ever get stateside drop us a line! 16 days is quite an accomplishment, and 17 days tomorrow will feel even better!
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Post by JohnG on Jan 26, 2007 17:34:44 GMT -5
Hey JohnG, the moderator at PAI told me you don't need a confirmation and you can just log on. Thanks .5, but I still don't have a password. That is what I meant. They never gave me a password. JohnG
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Post by Serious on Jan 27, 2007 2:04:35 GMT -5
Hey John,
I figured you spent so much time in my journal and I've been quite remiss by not returning the favor. I am glad to see you're doing so well. I'd be lying if I said that I was surprised though. You seem to be so level headed from what you've learned in AA. I am grateful that you are bringing that knowledge here. I am positive that you have and will affect many of the people on this board including myself.
Thank you, -Serious
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