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Post by working on LIFE on Jun 10, 2005 12:35:49 GMT -5
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Post by cflanders on Jun 10, 2005 13:47:38 GMT -5
Go back to the Daily Commitment thread on the Main forum. Your wife's support doesn't really have anything to do with why you relapsed again this morning does it? My guess is "no." Have you cheated on her again or did you MB or did you P? All varying degrees of acting out...and varying degrees of shame/remorse/regret attached to it.
I think you need a plan.
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Post by working on LIFE on Jun 24, 2005 10:26:06 GMT -5
It's obviously been awhile since i've posted. This last week has kinda been a roller coaster.
In short, baby issues are emotionally huge right now for both me and my wife. I'm quitting real estate after some thing were said by my inlaws, and I think I start Lowes next week so that's good. Maybe their medical benefits willhelp pay for IVF. Guess I have to wait and see. Untill then, I've made a cardboard sign, like the homeless people have, "Help Support Our IVF Treatment" I havent gone to the street corner yet, but I may before today's over with.
Cflanders -- No, I didn't cheat, it's all been P and MB. I'm sure the job change will be a big help in that dept.
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Post by working on LIFE on Nov 11, 2007 0:30:36 GMT -5
I'm not so great at Math.... but from June 24th 2005 to November 10th 2007 is basically 2 and 1/2 years.... Obviously I haven't accomplished what I had intented to. I'm laughing at myself while calling myself a dumbassssssss!!!!! My marriage is good! That's about all I got right now! I'm unemployed and there still are no kids in my house. Now we are trying to adopt.
I'm here though... that's got to count for something.
So yeah, here I am... Day 1, and counting. Time for bed, tomorrow is a new day.
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Post by larus on Nov 11, 2007 5:19:39 GMT -5
working on LIFE, welcome back. Wishing you all the best this time around. Do you have a plan for recovering? Are you having any support, like a SA group or some trusted person? Would your wife be interested in joining here?
best to you larus
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Post by working on LIFE on Nov 12, 2007 0:06:37 GMT -5
Thanks Larus....
I have gone to a couple differant support groups, but with both of them didn't really feel like I mattered much. I may go back, pick another night or something. We'll see what happens. As far as a plan goes.... take it one day at a time for now. Focus on finding a job and spending as much time as I can not being alone. My wife has read quite a bit on here although I don't think anything recently. I haven't told her that I posted last night, or this evening. She's sleeping in the chair at the moment. Home Makeover just got over and we usually go to bed about now. She falls asleep early all the time, my sweetheart.
Today was a pretty good day... for the most part. Because of my unemployed status it's been hard. Inlaws have been helping out a bit. I hate going out to visit, I feel like I wasn't the guy they had in mind to be the "perfect" son-in-law. Although I have been putting in alot of time trying to find a job, I don't get any credit for that. So it eats at my wife, which eats at me, which makes me wanna..... hahahahahahahahahah I didn't though, took a quick peek at a couple sites but just as quickly as it loaded I closed the page. I'll take it as a battle won for today. Tomorrow is a holiday for my wife so she'll be home and maybe, just maybe I'll get some things done outside. Also have a couple places to go for job prospects. And I'm sure we'll end up out at her parents again. Guess we'll wait and see what happens!
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Post by working on LIFE on Nov 14, 2007 20:52:16 GMT -5
It's been a couple days. I'm back at 1 day... after today! Things are going okay for the most part. I had a couple interviews the other day and I'm hopin' I get one of them. so anyways, I'm back at day 1, 3 more hours and it'll be bed time. I can make it till then. I haave a full day planned tomorrow so I'm betting it'll be a good day! The longest I have gone in the last ,I'll say 5+ years, is 12 days... My goal is... one day at a time but at the end of the day on NOV.25th that'll be 12. Then I'll go for Thanksgiving, then Christmas. That shouldn't be so hard. It'll be a busy month so why shouldn't that be achievable?! ;D
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Post by working on LIFE on Nov 22, 2007 11:16:51 GMT -5
I find it ironic that since I've started this journal that I've struggled really hard lately. Actually I guess I don't find it that ironic. Just my mind playing games I assume. It's been a really hard week with everything going on. I'm blogging our full story on myspace... we went thru an emotional adoption scam the last few months and the birthmother still continues to want to talk to us. We know she's a scammer and we are trying to get as much info out of her as possible now. I just don't know why people like her get off on playing the emotions of people. And normally the holidays are supposed to "warm and fuzzy". But my family lives in Nashville and my wifes family (lives here) is starting to feel distant from us. I know it's the fact that I'm not working. And believe me, I'm trying as hard as I can to find something. Two things I don't want to do though is fast food or a paperroute. But I guess next week I'll have to put those in my job hunt.
okay, enough rambling...
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Post by working on LIFE on Nov 25, 2007 12:18:36 GMT -5
Thursday, Friday and Saturday have all been good days. Today is starting off alright. We got most of the outside Christmas lights up the other day. Dont' really feel like decorating, but we do it. I'd like to get a tree today, but they are so much more expensive then they used to be. It may be time to get a fake one. Today is day #4
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Post by working on LIFE on Dec 9, 2007 14:51:51 GMT -5
I haven't been doing so well lately. The holidays are tough for me, and they have absolutely nothing to do with P or MB. But we all know what we turn to when things get tough. I lost my dad years ago, and Christmas was huge for him. He decorated like crazy! Since he's no longer around I have most of the old Christmas decorations that I always use, so even though after 8 years it's easier, it still hurts. And now also for 7 years we've been trying to have a baby. Done everything you can think of, and recently this last summer we went through an emotional adoption scam. I never, ever thought I'd have so much trouble getting my wife pregnant, but here we are 7 and a half years into our life and I can't father a child. All I want for Christmas is a baby, why is it so hard?
I know this really doesn't have anything to do with P/MB recovery, but like I said at the beginning of this post. What is it that we turn to when things are tough? Usually for me it's the 5 minute high of MB, which goes along with looking at P. So there you have it. My life sucks, and if it wasn't for my wife (she's my rock) I'd end it all.
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Post by working on LIFE on Dec 20, 2007 14:09:39 GMT -5
So this last week has been alright, at least in the sense of what this journal is for. I'm on day 6 with 5 complete days behind me. As far as P and MB are concerned the week has been good, as far as the other stuff.... (adoption/infertility) this week has been miserable. I went in to Lowes this morning... I've been there before. I used to work there, until I said something... stupid to a customer and she had me fired. Anyhow, today was the first time since I was fired that I went there and didn't feel pissed off that they fired me. It was like I forgave myself for getting fired, I actually talked to a couple people that I used to work with. It was kinda nice. Since I'm not here that much, if anyone cares to see my "myspace" let me know and i'll send the link.... oh I'll just put it here. www.myspace.com/waiting_for_angels I've journal/blogged there about our adoption scam we went thru this last summer. I've also got the coolest redition of Winter Wonderland by Stryper on there!!!
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