neil
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by neil on Dec 17, 2007 14:30:27 GMT -5
last night my wife caught me looking at P on the computer! She was shocked and disgusted and this morning she found P on my mobile phone. eventually after denying it, i admitted that i sometimes MB while looking at it. I lied to her about it because i new that she would be upset, I feel awful about lying to her and love her madly with every ounce of love i have to give.
I first discovered MB when i was 14 and have done it all my adult life, regardless of weather i was in a relationship or not. I often would use P material as an aid.
i am not addicted to P, i MB just as much without it.
I Feel that MB is a normal and healthy sexual activity for both men and women to enjoy alone or together.
The problem that my wife and i have, imo, is that she doesn't agree with MB and thinks that it is disgusting and dirty if it is done alone, i often asked questions and made comments jokingly but half seriously, and her reaction was quite strong so i dared not tell her in case she flew off the handle at me.
i feel that she is not open minded and has blinkered and black and white view of what is ok in a normal sexual relationship guided largely by her religious beliefs.
i have a high sex drive much higher than my wife and felt that rather than constantly nag her and pester her to have sex with me, i chose to use MB to relieve my sexual fustration, and also to know that when we did make love it was not because she had given in to my demands to shut me up, but because she wanted too.
My true crime was not being honest with her about my sexual fustration and feel terrible for decieving her and lying about my MB.
My wife feels that i was unfaithful to her because i sometimes used pictures and videos of other women during my MB. i completely understand this and feel bad about hurting her feelings
to summerise i think that MB is not bad or wrong and is in fact a normal and healthy way of achieving sexual satisfaction. as long as you dont lie about it,
comments welcome.
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Post by tiger1m on Dec 17, 2007 14:43:13 GMT -5
member neil Thank you for the visit. This is a support board for those damaged by pornography. Many members here have co-addiction and other issues related to sex addiction that involve compulsive unhealthy masturbation.
Good luck with your wife, our sympathies and condolences to her.
This account is banned.
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Post by Webmaster on Dec 18, 2007 8:09:45 GMT -5
Neil, in response to your email wondering why you were banned:
A moderator banned you. I believe he felt you were pretty clear in your post that you are not addicted to porn and that you feel masturbation is fine because of your "high sex drive." The board is for people who are addicted to pornography, some of whom also wish to abstain from masturbation; they see a link for them between the two behaviors.
If you are interested in using the board to help you abstain from compulsive pornography use and are willing not to criticize others who choose to abstain from masturbation, I will consider lifting the ban. Otherwise, I agree with tiger1m: this board is not for you.
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Post by realthing on Dec 18, 2007 8:16:17 GMT -5
yeeahhh - bring back neil
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Post by alyson on Dec 18, 2007 9:33:25 GMT -5
I believe neil will contact you. Thanks for your understanding. After some lengthy discussions I think that neil is more of a casual porn user and probably not a porn addict. I do think however he is a sex addict, he has admitted now that he mb on a very regular basis and when presented with a choice between those things or his wife and family he is extremely eager to stop, but cannot see how to easily. He says after a few days the pain in his balls is so much and he would be having constant erections making it difficult to do a normal work day? Are we still welcome to be here if its a sex addiction rather than a porn one? Or am I just completely gullible and clueless?
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Post by P on Dec 18, 2007 9:43:23 GMT -5
Alyson don't be surprised if his porn use is much more than he is admitting to.
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Post by Curious Voyager on Dec 18, 2007 9:54:59 GMT -5
P is right, the iceberg theory usually applies. He might not even, as absurd as it will sound, know how much his use is.
As to - is addict or not------only the individuals themselves can come to that.
Also, it's my opinion that pornography use or masturbation use that is causing relationship damage of any kind cannot, should not be called "casual." But that's just my opinion.
Think about it---"I'm casually causing my wife hurt, damaged self-esteem, and ruining our relationship. But it's ok, because I'm doing it casually.
Well by extension then if your spouse was allergic to shell fish, you might want to occasionally or casually serve them some shrimp and crab--ehh?
Man lie #2 I'm not hurting anybody.
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Post by alyson on Dec 18, 2007 10:41:17 GMT -5
Hmm A very wise man you are , oh curious voyager!!
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 18, 2007 10:51:57 GMT -5
CV,
I almost totally agree with you. You are spot on with all those words except for these:
"As to - is addict or not------only the individuals themselves can come to that."
No.
Many people can recognize an addict even when the addict doesn't recognize it them self. Only the individual, the addict, can recover & heal from their addiction and only when they are ready. Only the addict can do the work.
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 18, 2007 12:13:42 GMT -5
I wasn't sure which was my biggest fear: that my husband was an addict and couldn't quit or that he was an insensitive, selfish jerk who would choose to cause me pain by continuing to porn/mb. Neither scenario felt very promising or loving to me. My husband still says he was not addicted just made bad choices. I don't care what he calls it - as long as he stops it!
Sounds like brain-chemical withdrawal to me. After all, if he'd had a vasectomy - his body would absorb the sperm and he would hardly be aware of it. The same absorption process happens with men who haven't had vasectomies and aren't releasing it regularly. I think that's probably a deception he's used to continue with the behavior; yes, there may be some discomfort. After all, as women, we go through monthly discomfort and handle it with class and minimum of fuss; so can they.
Here's an analogy: The umbrella title is dog: under that are Fox Terriors, Labradors, Sharpai, German Shepherds, Springer Spaniels, Poodles, etc. The umbrella title is sex addict: under that are porn addicts, mb addicts, voyeurs, flashers, fetishes, etc.
LookingUp
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Post by alyson on Dec 18, 2007 12:30:00 GMT -5
thank you, im so glad you are here. xx
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Post by zerotolerance on Dec 18, 2007 16:48:06 GMT -5
I think Neil is in DENIAL. He's obviously addicted to MB. And he wants us to tell him it's normal. As freaking if it is normal. There's nothing normal about it Neil, we weren't really designed for solosexuality. MB may be a normal stage for someone in puberty, but there is nothing normal about a life long habit. Your wife might be more interested in sex, if the sex was better. But mbaters don't make good lovers whatsoever. They just become good mbators. It's affecting your heart, your mind, your body, and your soul, in ways you haven't even begun to connect the dots back too. It's a giving yourself a placebo of a sex life, rather than allowing yourself to grow up and thus get a healthly relationship with a good sex life. Your wife has it 100% right, your mb is a BIG problem. It is robbing her and you of the loving affection you both deserve. You may think it don't hurt you, and it shouldn't her, but it does. We don't get to decide what God already decided. It's a sin of flesh, and all sin carries consequences. While a little bit might not be perminently damage, a habit of it can be devastating. Your natural sexuality has been hijacked into solosexuality, and there's not one single good thing about that for you or your wife. Every time you mb you take what should be hers, or shared, and you selfishly give it to yourself alone. It will mess up, it will break your PART, and it is already destroying your mind. Or else you wouldn't be out here promoting the idea of mb over cultivating a healthy ADULT sex life instead of mbing. Every time you have souless sexual connections with yourself, you disconnect your soul from other elements of your life as well. At first it might seem like you have it all in different compartments that don't relate to each other, but we aren't suppose to divide ourselves up into various compartments. We're suppose to be integrated, like your wife is. If you turn off your soul often enough, for long enough, it just stops showing up all the time. You don't get to decide what symptoms you will get, they just happen. My h is addicted to p, he can't get up without p, or p-ish thoughts. And he's addicted to mb too, because he can't get off without his OWN hand. And if you think that is not a problem, you are seriously mistaken. If you think that can't happen to you, you are seriously mistaken. It's already happening to you, or you wouldn't be spewing such mb doo. I would suggest you read up on repetative conditioning. You need to start trying to change rather than looking for ways to defend your ignorance. It only feels normal to you because you have trained your body to ask for it, over and over. You taught your body wrong, and so it gives you YOUR own bad advice back. You put garbage in and all you'll get out is garbage. Try putting some truth in instead.
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Post by Webmaster on Dec 18, 2007 19:46:26 GMT -5
According to alyson, neil has expressed a sincere desire to participate on this board and acknowledge that he has a problem. His account has been reactivated under the conditions I expressed above. Allow the man some room to grow, please. - Wes
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Post by 1dayatatime on Dec 18, 2007 19:59:28 GMT -5
Welcome Neil. It is my sincere hope that you find what you need here. There are many helpful people here. I'm sorry things seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot for you here. I do hope that won't put you off from participating. If I can be of help feel free to send me a private message.
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Post by addict70 on Dec 18, 2007 21:27:20 GMT -5
Hey Neil welcome. Hey if anybody gives you any flack, just remember, we're all P addicts. Who are we to throw stones?
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