my first post

[blinded]

Hello, all.

I came across this board last night. I have been wanting to find a group to be accountable to for the problem I have with porn, and I think that this will be a good place to do it.

My SO knows that I have this problem, but that only helps sometimes. I know I need to make a clean break from all this, so this is my first step. It's all deleted now, filters are installed, and I have a place online to go instead.

[fisharner]

my first post too....

I have been addicted to porn since 82... The longest i have been sober is 2 years...and now i am hitting it harder then before...

I am frustrated, I acted out this morning and last night, and hope that i can curb the appetite for the rest of the day..

I need something close by (on the internet) to contact when i get the urge.

Aaron

[detrmnd]

blinded & fish,

First of all, I'm glad you've come here and have decided to post. Not easy, is it? However, you will find a lot of forks in the road to knowing what's best. You came to your first one, blinded, and chose to come here instead.

There are a lot of nice people here that you will find, are in the same boat as us. Basically good people that just get kind of mesmerized when the turn on their computer, get bored at work or some such, and the next thing you know we're staring at that stuff for hours on end. Trust me, I've been there.

Now, start to think about making a plan to be porn-free. Here's a few from our friend, Al: sobriety plans: lightwave.proboards15.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1070394268 Check this out and tell me what you think. You may also want to pick up one of Patrick Carnes' books. They'll put a lot in perspective.

Be at peace,
detrmnd

[runningman]

Detrmnd,
Thanks for including that link. I bumped up so that more people can add to the thread.

Blinded and Fish,

Welcome to the board. I hope you get as much out of the suggestions and interaction as I have. There are very few opportunities that I have in my life where i can openly discuss recovery from porn. This site is a blessing.

Be well and keep posting!

RM

[JB]

a couple of things i have on my plan:

1. find a 12 step program. your next step in fighting your addiction is realizing that you can't do it alone and that there are others out there just like you. share your struggles with others. the 12 step program will get you in touch with these people. find an accountability partner that you can communicate with at least once a week. you can find a 12 step program here:
www.ncsac.org/addicts/addict_groups.aspx

2. find a therapist on your insurance program or in your area. let them know that you need someone with ecperience in online addiction. go at least once a week or even twice a week at first if you can. try to work on the source of your anxiety. what is causing you to act out? what are the "symptoms" of your addiction? what are you medicating when you look at P?

3. write up a plan that you can stick by. include things that reinforce your sobriety, like rewards for certain amounts of times, a cerfew, removal of private internet access if you can, at least temporarily, amounts of pages you can read on the subject of P addiction, and lots more. if you search on this board, you can find lists members make of their plan. i personally have one at my post titled: "Jewish:addicted, but aware and struggling"

4. read. check out the books that have been written about P addiction. may we learn from others mistakes

5. go on this board as much as you can. establish connections with members here if you can. we are all here to support one another. give and ye shall recieve manyfold. i know i have.

6. become more sensitive to your own feelings when you act out. try keeping a journal wherever you act out. consider writing down your feelings just after you finish acting out. are they one of the HALT feelings? (Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired). if they are, or even if they are not, identify them and devise a plan to eliminate them before you act out.

7. exercise, make a plan and stick with it, doesn't matter what you do; bicycle, lift, run, etc. be consistent with your routine

8. eat better. take a mutivitamin every day as a supplement with meals. don't skip meals. ever. cut down on cofee, sugar foods, especially junk.

good luck in all our struggles

JB

[cleantoday]

If you choose to fully commit yourself to sobriety and recovery, you will find that your life will change in all respects. You will be amazed beyond what you can imagine by the gifts that will certainly be bestowed upon you. All that stands between you and all of what God has to offer is your choice. So which will it be? A life of addiction or a life of freedom? A fog of illusion, or truth and beauty? The choice truly does lie in your hands.

Take that first step. Admit you are addicted. Stop doing the actions of addiction. Choose life instead of death.

Recovery is actually very simple. Choose to stop. Stop. Choose to recover. Recover. Repeat as necessary, probably a day at a time for a long time.

You must choose.

[fisharner]

Thanks for your posts...
It is tough.. I am sitting here thinking why the heck am i doing this. I am looking at myself thinking that I have a problem, yet the other side of me loves and desires the p.

I will take some time and put together a plan to overcome.

I probably have so much to talk about, but not enough time... I will post more often.

I remember when I was in my two years of sobriety (ended about two years ago) and loving it. I felt good and loved life. I remember the freedom, but now I am in a dark time... I feel real frustrated at myself because i know that i can do it, but i won't (until now).

I guess I'm at step one ... with four hours of sobriety.

Aaron

[cleantoday]

Aaron,

What worked for you when you were sober for two years? You have a wonderful opportunity in this moment of clarity. Make a list of the practical steps that helped you stay sober that long. Then make a list of what was good in your life as a result of your sobriety. Understand the connection between those two lists. Then put together a plan to do the things from list one today. And look forward to enjoying the things on list two. Cause and effect. Acting out ruins life. Sobriety and recovery give life. SA will kill me. Recovery will thrill me. Make the choice, take the actions. You can do it.

[blinded]

Thanks to all for your responses. I think I am younger than many of the posters on the board (24), and I want to start working on this before it's too late and before I harden myself and it permanantly changes the way I look at others. I hope that I can be an encouragement to the other members on the board as well.

[cleantoday]

I knew I had a problem when I was 24, I even went to a Sexaholics Anonymous orientation meeting, but could not get up the courage to stay for the actual meeting that followed.

Now I am 42, married with 3 children, and my emotional and spiritual self is deeply damaged by those years of choosing to act out instead of choosing to recover.

I would give anything for those 18 years, which include all my marriage and the life of all my children.

You really, really should stop now. Don't imagine that it gets easier, or that you can just deal with it later. I really hope you do choose to stop when I should have.

Cleantoday

[fisharner]

I started going to SA at age 23 and enjoyed many of the benefits... that was when i got to 2 years of sobriety.. then the SA group i was going to fell apart and haven't been since...and probably the cause of my failures...

I am now 29 with one child and one on the way...

I will take time and review my life and prepare a plan to sobriety.

Aaron

[cleantoday]

Aaron,

I moved to a new town and left my old SA meeting group. I have found this board to fill some of the gap. It took a while to get a sense of this place, and to figure out who was who, but I have developed some good relationships, and being here has been key to getting and staying sober, and gaining recovery. I hope you find the same to be the case for you.

Good Luck,

Cleantoday

[fisharner]

thanks cleantoday....

I hope that i do get to know some of the people here. I hope that this will give me an option at the choice moment of choosing what i should do...as well as provide me with friends and strength to move forward....6 hours of sobriety.... and still counting....

[runningman]

Blinded,
There are many here that are your age and some even younger. Don't let that stop you from starting a plan of recovery!

Be well...RM

[cleantoday]

Fisharner,

One of the first things that CV pointed out to me when I first started posting here was that it is not that choice moment that matters -- by the time we get there we are cooked. It is a choice you make now -- right now, and live by later. So don't wait until you are struggling with temptation to make a choice -- the fog of self-induced chemicals flooding your brain in that addictive moment will almost certainly win. Choose now, and get yourself ready to keep your commitment to yourself.

Cleantoday