2 years Porn and Masturbation Free

[geoff]

Actually I'm jumping the gun a hair. Its about 2 hrs until I've completely finished my 2nd year sober of porn and/or masturbation. I know better than to say I don't have to be vigilant for any length of time, but I also feel confident that I can make it until midnight without messing up.

In the last 2 years I've changed alot in many ways. I also haven't changed near enough in others. I think these "others" are more the secondary issues, or maybe you could look at it as the root causes of the addiction. I havent eradicated them near enough yet. But I'm working on that much more actively now.

I'm not sure if I've learned enough new in the past 230 or so days to post any great words of wisdom.... If you haven't yet read my thread "Make that 502 days" on this sub-board, you ought to. That really condenses alot of my thoughts on this addiction down.

So what have I learned in the meantime?

• to be constantly humble - still very much a struggle for me.
  
• to be constantly open to change, and hearing suggestions on change.
  
• to acknowledge that I was the one who got me where I was, and while I can and must take inspiration, and direction from a number of sources, I'm the one who has to do the work to recover.
  
• that I haven't learned or changed anywhere near enough yet.
  
• that this process of recovery will go on for a long long time.
  

I'm not sure what else to put in the list right now, so I'll leave it at that I guess - its probably not fully inclusive.

Maybe one other thing my wife told me early on is appropriate for those who are relatively new to this. During the first few days of my sobriety, I told her I was going to do the best I could, but WHEN not IF I had a slip, I hoped she would understand. She told me that if I assume that I'm going to have a slip, I will. Its a self fulfilling prophecy in a sense, and its giving myself permission to have a slip in a way. So early on, the phrase "its not an option" crept into my vocabulary. From then on, it was not an option for me to have a slip.

This doesn't mean I would not feel the urges - sometimes quite forcefully. This doesn't mean I "white knuckle" my way thru any/all urges. This also doesn't mean I'm depending solely on myself, and nobody else for strength. What it does mean to me is that I'll recognize the urges, maintain my committment to not give in to them, and do absolutely anything and everything I can, and exhaust all my resources in pursuit of maintaining sobriety. These "resources" could include (in no particular order) religion/prayer/spirituality, friends, accountability partners, sponsors, 12-step group phone-list people, this board, my wife, my therapist, etc. Sobriety is worth anything and everything.

Maybe that's one of the most important things I've learned.... the feeling of sobriety is worth anything and everything.

Thanks for listening, and take care,

geoff

[Brighterside]

Wow! Geoff - Congrats and thanks for giving me hope. The best way to find out how to do something is to ask people who have already and continue to do it. You were very informative with your anti-P/mb plan. Thanks again and keep it going! 'It's not an option' for me either!!
- Brighterside

[BlackSpiral]

A slightly-belated congratulations on two years sober! I remember adopting that same phrase, the idea that it simply wasn't an option for me anymore; I think that made a huge difference for me, and clearly it did for you as well. :-) It makes you willing to use those resources; to drain yourself and all your support as far as you must, in order to make it through. That determination and willingness would be missing, I think, if a slip was an inevitability in your mind.

I'm still trying to make changes too; inside and beyond recovery, I think. I've learned more about myself and how I work, and the limitations I've put on myself through my beliefs - much like the concept of "I will slip" being a self-fulfilling prophecy more than a simple fact, the outcome created by the concept, rather than the concept embodying some inevitable outcome. I'm still trying to rebuild myself, and my confidence, in areas beyond my recovery from this addiction now; trying to overcome the concepts of "impossible" and "inadequate" that often intrude on my otherwise good intentions. The same tools that helped me here are helping me there.

As for words of wisdom, I'd be willing to bet you've learned things you don't quite realise you've learned. It keeps happening to me that way, anyway. I'll feel like I've moved on barely at all for months, then suddenly realise that I've changed significantly in one way or another, and that I've learned something without even noticing it. Small steps always add up to a long journey in the end.

[Cant.do.it.alone]

Geoff,

That's amazing -- two years!! Congratulations. You are an inspiration to us all. I think what makes this addiction so insidious is the fact that the fantasy can take place with or without the p. It's not p/mb control, it's controling your mind, hear, soul -- the inner voice. It's the rewiring of the brain that makes it so hard! I wish you the best for 2007 and I will keep you in my prayers.

Can't do it alone

[ford]

HUGE GONGRATS FROM A NEWBIE. Glad to hear your life is better, and thanks for the hope you give all of us. Kudos for all your discipline and hard work, and continuing good luck.

Keep us posted.

Ford

[skipper]

I am new to all this and it gives me hope that I can make it two years without Porn in my life. I am so scared right now cause I see this road I must travel down. It does us so good to see others that have traveled the road.

[witness]

Geoff,

I like your list of things you have learned. Humility is essential as is taking personal responsibility for my actions. And although this gets so much better and even easier it is never really over.

So keep up the good work and keep moving forward. Great to hear success stories! I wish there were more of them. And pray that I will join the group!

Blessings!