Post by lizardking on Oct 10, 2006 9:55:54 GMT -5
Wow! I drop in a few months later and the board has changed so much. A "success story" space - great idea! I have the same thing over on my tobacco withdrawal board and have been counting down the days before I can make my 100-day post in the Hall of Fame section over there.
See, that is supposed to mean something, that 100-day thing. It does. But in no way does it signal the end of an addiction whether we are talking about P, MB, or tobacco. For the record and to keep things straight, I am going to be talking about P and MB for the rest of this post. And I hope and pray that I will be able to come back in 6 months and post an 'adder' onto this thread as well.
One year and was it easy? Yes and no.
First the 'No' part: Those first few days and weeks were rough and I have posted about those days in detail in my journal. Those days seemed to drag by and were filled with temptation and something that maybe went beyond a simple battle of will with my inner self. I hate to think back on those days as they were very tough ones. If you are new and are just beginning your journey, I know what you are going through and it is rough. The first days will test you and you will see what you are made of, my friend. The only hope I can give you is that it gets better and it gets easier as those sober days pile up. What worked for me was to simply 'embrace the pain' and remember why things were happening as they were. The depression, the irritability, the emotional roller coaster - all parts of the healing process and something that had to be faced. I had a wise friend tell me on the board that 'a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step' and I took that to heart.
There were some weird days later on around the 30 to 40 day range, and then again around the 60 to 70 day range. By 100 days and beyond I felt better and was in control enough to live a normal life, but I have not dropped my guard at all since that time. You have to stay 'on it' in order to remain sober; you will always have to remain vigilant.
The 'Yes' part: After 150 or so days, and maybe around 180 days, it got dramatically easier as far as staying sober. I was used to 'not' viewing P and MB'ing and it seemed like a normal part of my life NOT to do so. By 200 days I noticed changes in other areas, namely ogling and the cessation of it.
However, it was also during the 200+ day time-frame that I noticed a new tactic thrown my way by the addiction: I was so 'clean' and so 'over' my addiction, that maybe I had made it all up in my mind and never had a problem to begin with. I had read too much into it or something. I struggled really hard with this and could have easily had a relapse under other circumstances. I didn't because I am constantly on the lookout for changes in my addiction, and I recognized this tactic for what it was - a mental game played by my former addiction looking for a way to get its foot back in the door. I no longer have to play those games, though.
So I roll on from here. One day at a time. Sober and vigilant and always prepared to battle the addiction when it rears its ugly head. The constant is that it will in fact be back from time to time. But I will be sitting here waiting for it when it does.
We can beat this addiction, all of us. It is not impossible and it is not unbeatable.
LizardKing
See, that is supposed to mean something, that 100-day thing. It does. But in no way does it signal the end of an addiction whether we are talking about P, MB, or tobacco. For the record and to keep things straight, I am going to be talking about P and MB for the rest of this post. And I hope and pray that I will be able to come back in 6 months and post an 'adder' onto this thread as well.
One year and was it easy? Yes and no.
First the 'No' part: Those first few days and weeks were rough and I have posted about those days in detail in my journal. Those days seemed to drag by and were filled with temptation and something that maybe went beyond a simple battle of will with my inner self. I hate to think back on those days as they were very tough ones. If you are new and are just beginning your journey, I know what you are going through and it is rough. The first days will test you and you will see what you are made of, my friend. The only hope I can give you is that it gets better and it gets easier as those sober days pile up. What worked for me was to simply 'embrace the pain' and remember why things were happening as they were. The depression, the irritability, the emotional roller coaster - all parts of the healing process and something that had to be faced. I had a wise friend tell me on the board that 'a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step' and I took that to heart.
There were some weird days later on around the 30 to 40 day range, and then again around the 60 to 70 day range. By 100 days and beyond I felt better and was in control enough to live a normal life, but I have not dropped my guard at all since that time. You have to stay 'on it' in order to remain sober; you will always have to remain vigilant.
The 'Yes' part: After 150 or so days, and maybe around 180 days, it got dramatically easier as far as staying sober. I was used to 'not' viewing P and MB'ing and it seemed like a normal part of my life NOT to do so. By 200 days I noticed changes in other areas, namely ogling and the cessation of it.
However, it was also during the 200+ day time-frame that I noticed a new tactic thrown my way by the addiction: I was so 'clean' and so 'over' my addiction, that maybe I had made it all up in my mind and never had a problem to begin with. I had read too much into it or something. I struggled really hard with this and could have easily had a relapse under other circumstances. I didn't because I am constantly on the lookout for changes in my addiction, and I recognized this tactic for what it was - a mental game played by my former addiction looking for a way to get its foot back in the door. I no longer have to play those games, though.
So I roll on from here. One day at a time. Sober and vigilant and always prepared to battle the addiction when it rears its ugly head. The constant is that it will in fact be back from time to time. But I will be sitting here waiting for it when it does.
We can beat this addiction, all of us. It is not impossible and it is not unbeatable.
LizardKing