Post by erasingmymind on Dec 20, 2007 1:41:00 GMT -5
I am hoping by writing this I become a little more accountable for my actions. Even if no one reads it it will be good to get these thoughts out in the open. Slightly ironic that the net that wastes so much of my time might be the net that saves me.
A little about me - 34, southern hemispherean and been completely addicted to every form of P since about the age of 12. Hopefully by documenting some of this it might make me work myself out a bit better. I'm pretty well rounded and not addicted to anything apart from this and it drives me crazy. I didnt actually realise it was a problem until I found this site - but I need to do something and this is my first step.
Sure I've tried before - dont know what my record is but its not great. Dont know what my record is for time online but its staggering.
At this stage I feel like there are two me's. One who is a dynamo and can get loads done - the other slips into a world of P and time ceases to exist. I like the dynamo one but the time slipper oh so easily pops in.
I think at this stage I have seen every possible deviancy and anything classified as 'soft' or 'normal' doesnt really excite me anymore. Over exposure will do that to you. I am married and have one child and trying for another one. Love them to bits and doing this for them. I am not looking to some external power as its not my belief but am strong enough to pull anchor and move on... or am I.
Seems easy right now - massive binge yesterday and seems to have curbed my desire to see more and more whats out there on the web. Its dealing with the weird sensation that pops into my head and just begs me to look at something - one hand on the mouse - the other...... well I imagine I look like an idiot.
OK this is the beginning - I start today but start implies an end and there is no end for this, no target date to celebrate, because there is only one way to celebrate with my level of addiction. Just sheer strength and wont power will hopefully see me conquer this.
I will try write something each day but most likely cant. My times of writing will be those when I am most at risk of slipping. Reading the journals and posts its going to be tough but worth a try.
EMM
A little about me - 34, southern hemispherean and been completely addicted to every form of P since about the age of 12. Hopefully by documenting some of this it might make me work myself out a bit better. I'm pretty well rounded and not addicted to anything apart from this and it drives me crazy. I didnt actually realise it was a problem until I found this site - but I need to do something and this is my first step.
Sure I've tried before - dont know what my record is but its not great. Dont know what my record is for time online but its staggering.
At this stage I feel like there are two me's. One who is a dynamo and can get loads done - the other slips into a world of P and time ceases to exist. I like the dynamo one but the time slipper oh so easily pops in.
I think at this stage I have seen every possible deviancy and anything classified as 'soft' or 'normal' doesnt really excite me anymore. Over exposure will do that to you. I am married and have one child and trying for another one. Love them to bits and doing this for them. I am not looking to some external power as its not my belief but am strong enough to pull anchor and move on... or am I.
Seems easy right now - massive binge yesterday and seems to have curbed my desire to see more and more whats out there on the web. Its dealing with the weird sensation that pops into my head and just begs me to look at something - one hand on the mouse - the other...... well I imagine I look like an idiot.
OK this is the beginning - I start today but start implies an end and there is no end for this, no target date to celebrate, because there is only one way to celebrate with my level of addiction. Just sheer strength and wont power will hopefully see me conquer this.
I will try write something each day but most likely cant. My times of writing will be those when I am most at risk of slipping. Reading the journals and posts its going to be tough but worth a try.
EMM