Well, nothing else has worked...

[jlangdon]

I'm a long time internet P addict, who has been actively struggling to beat this monkey on my back for about 5 years now. Have tried 12-step groups, Rational Recovery, therapists, software filters, etc., etc.

I have a wife and a 1-year old daughter, and I'm coming dangerously close to losing both of them. My wife has been aware of my P-roblem for about 5 years now, and has been extremely supportive. Realistically, however, I think she's getting tired of my same old schtick of sometimes-being-truthful with her and sometime-not-so-much.

I've been slipping badly lately (at work), and need to seriously re-focus my recovery efforts. I figure I'll try a daily entry in this journal instead of using online P.

Currently, I'm at approximately 24 hours of being P-free. My wife and I had a big argument last night about P, and I'm feeling absolutely NO desire to look at it. I know, however, that this will be much harder by the end of the week. When my P compulsion causes strife in my marriage, it is so easy for me to maintain clarity about staying sober and rational. But day-by-day, I feel this clarity slip, and I become gradually "fuzzier" in my thinking, until the point when the urgency of this issue just seems to dissipate.

I had to recently rebuild my laptop (legitimately crashed, but I lost my filtering software). Still don't have the filter on (my wife and I tried installing it this morning but we had problems, thus leading to the aforementioned argument.)

Here's hoping I can get through today without any filtering software on my laptop.

[jlangdon]

By the way, please feel free to comment and call BS on any rationalizing or self-pitying you may read. I'd appreciate it.

[breakingfree]

Keep journaling it really does help. Make a commitment. Are you committed enough to do 90 meetings in 90 days?

Work your recovery HARDER then you worked your addiction.


One day at a time, my friend.

Keep fighting.

bf

[kyle]

I don't think there is any need to call BS on your post. I do think you just need to keep focused on the things most important to you. Something you might try is placing a picture of your wife and Daughter on the computer screen so that they can stare at you while you sit there. I know its just a picture but looking at them while on the computer might help you remember where your important thoughts should be.

Do whatever you need to do to stay focused. I know it may seem easier said than done. but, if you continue to look at what you stand to lose, YOUR FAMILY, then it becomes much easier to say no to yourself.

I hope things work out for you and your family because it sounds like you really want to change. That being the case, then do it and don't allow for excuses.

[backstabber]

Go for it! We all make mistakes, but I'm sure we can make it right. Heck, thats the only thing I'm sure about right now.

[tomlincolnsixecho]

Jlangdon, keep it going, you obviously have tried a number of methods to rid the evil, keep it going though, you aren't always going to score a touchdown. but when you do it is often great. think of the rewards of staying clean, then think about how great those rewards were at the end of the week. Reflect on how awesome they were, and how staying clean helped you get to those awesome moments.