van36
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by van36 on Dec 12, 2007 22:12:18 GMT -5
Today i've started my journal. I slipped today and yestarday after a 3 month stint. Last time I slipped I told my wife and she became very upset. I felt so bad and promised I wouldnt do it again and here I am. Its so easy for me to get on the computer. I've tricked myself into believing I'm not looking at P but just googling with the safe search off. How crazy is that! I actually convinced my self that if was ok. I have 2 gorgeous children a beautiful wife a successful company, and here i am held prisoner to pixels. 36 years old and am a prisoner to P. I went one year with out P and MB but slipped recently. Right now my first step is to not get on computers without others around. To much of a temptation. Also watching tv (channel surfing onto racy channels like MTV. Bad news. I got sucked into watching that P star try and find a mate. Bad news. Bad stuff. Everyday now i'm going to commit to coming here and write it down make it aware to everyone that i have caused this i am the blame not P. I must control the addiction. day by day
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van36
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by van36 on Dec 13, 2007 21:23:21 GMT -5
day 2 of Made it today without any porn. Told my wife this evening about my slip. She was very kind. She told me she appreciated the honesty and she loves me anyways. Ho boy, that will kill you! We had a long embrace and that was a major reenforcement aboout her committment to me through these tempting times.
I did have some P thoughts try and creep in my head today. They kind of sneak up on you. One minute your thinking about how well your doing and then all of sudden out of now where here comes the image like a freight train. My breathing starts to exhilerate, my mind spins and boom the disease tries to grasp on again and bring your down. I own a fairly successful small business, that i've pretty much alocated all the busy stuff to employees giving me alot of time to what i want to do. This great feeling does breed a false sense of security that make you think that whatever you do is ok. Look at P well i deserve it look what i've accomplished.
I dont know why i crave the stuff. I have a beautiful wife and a great life. I am an adrenalin junkie loving the highs of business success and sports. P gives me the same feeling execpt is accomplishes nothing. Extreme highs followed by dropping to extreme lows.
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Post by davion2308 on Dec 14, 2007 16:49:47 GMT -5
Something that really helps is knowing why you're affected by p. It makes my road to recovery easier knowing that when I'm alone in the house and I'm bored, I use p as a way to kill time. I also use it when I'm highly stressed and I want to escape from the real world for a while. I can act accordingly before I get terrible urges.
Figure out what p's hold is. That can strengthen your resolve and keep you healthy.
Stay tough!
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