|
Post by choselife on Dec 21, 2007 8:49:35 GMT -5
Excellent point! For me, when I start off badly on a good day's work on on my addiction, I have made a decision to not have a good day, or certainly to struggle with having a good day. Glad to see that you are doing well.
CL
|
|
|
Post by mrbister on Dec 21, 2007 18:48:29 GMT -5
Thanks for your comment CL, greatly appreciated as always.
I just wanted to quickly make a post that I've had a pretty good day today, and starting as I meant to go on was of great benefit. Also, I want to go to bed with this fresh in mind, and with a fresh feeling of the importance of continuing to fight. Hopefully this will help to get me back into a successful mindset for combatting addiction.
I was meant to go to bed early tonight to catch up sleep, that went out the window due to an unforseen arrangement with a friend. So I'm up late but will be lying in tomorrow so hopefully that'lll help a bit. On the plus side the positive vibes of a good time with my friend help to reduce P thoughts from coming to mind. Much like endorphins from exercising etc I imagine.
Well, I thought of something interesting today and wanted to write about it here, but sadly it seems I can no longer recall what this was. Hopefully it'll come back to me tomorrow. But for now, sleep well everybody.
|
|
|
Post by mrbister on Dec 24, 2007 16:43:39 GMT -5
Ok I'm back, largely to psychologically support myself for feeling urges on and off throughout the day by the end of which I was struggling with slightly more than usual. Damn it, was hoping christmas eve would be easy.
Well, it doesn't matter. I haven't ruined it all. But just the usual kind of post to quell the urges. I never was and am not intending to rely on this as a method of recovery in the long-term, or of staying clean, but now and then it helps as it seems just at the moment I'm not as good as I was at handling the thoughts. Still, I do have the advantage of knowing that my gf is relying on me and I don't want to let her down. So, I won't!
I'm just a little annoyed because the day was going well for a while. And I've been troubled by this on and off for numerous days now. I really want it to pass. I think the urges are essentially refreshing themselves now and then, every time they pop up if they aren't dealt with swiftly they give a little added strength to the arisal of the next urge and so-on. I've been doing a good job generally but not quite good enogh it seems. Time to get back to some serious battling again. I don't want to let myself down, and worse I don't want to let my gf down. It's one thing to spoil something for yourself, but entirely another to ruin something for a person close to you who relies on you and trusts you.
I will find strength in that.
Merry Christmas, have a clean one (and make it a good one too).
|
|
|
Post by mrbister on Dec 25, 2007 11:38:41 GMT -5
Well, yesterday I came as close as I have in a long time to a slip, I knew I wouldn't cross the line and go right for it, but I was dancing right on the edge in dangerous terrritory. It made my christmas eve slightly the worse for it, as I was in an odd mood for a while in the evening. Well anyway, I didn't slip which is the important thing to remember. I just wish this damn thing would go away. I need to get a deep look at myself and rediscover the things that kept me free of the brink before. I feel slightly less in touch with myself at the moment. I think due to becoming tired, and as a result lazy. I haven't been pushing myself much recently. Therefore, I haven't had to wrestle with my internal self much. I need to start engaging in more constructive activities again. I have let that go a little so it's time to get back to grips with it. And to get back to grips with myself. To unearth the unshakeable foundations of self that I found and take a good look at them once more.
I haven't done much research so perhaps this is something that has already been discovered, but I've been thinking lately that we must all have some biological predisposition to this addiction. Yes, nurture may well have a part to play. However, we all have such wildly different environments and upbringings. Yes, some of us were exposed to P at a very young age, like myself. Perhaps this was a contributor. But not everyone here was. And there doesn't seem to be a common element of nurture among us all. It seems then that perhaps the commonality between us may lie in nature. Our biological construction. This is certainly not an excuse, or to be used as such. Biological natures are part of what makes anyone human, and everyone is capable of overcoming biological problems in some way or other. Most people overcome biological programmings on a daily basis. Some might be harder to handle, but they certainly can be handled. We know this is true, else we would not find recovered addicts in existence (by recovered I of course don't mean no longer susceptible, but that they have control and do not slip etc). Perhaps there's a combination of biological factors and nurturing / environmental factors. This also seems sensible. But it just seems as though the real common factor is not environmental, but natural. A biological predisposition. Our wealth, status, success, personality, physical appearance, childhood, relationships and so on are not common. No one of these ties us all. What ties us seems deeper and more ingrained. We must all strive to overcome ourselves.
Our biological predisposition allows for whatever environmental factor which brings us to P to cause our addiction. However, without the biological, there would be no addiction. Well, it seems this way to me anyway.
But perhaps looking for a universal law is the same old human error recommited. So perhaps this is all wrong. The common factor is just that we are addicted to the same thing, there is no other common factor. We are all individual products brought to our knees by addiction in a myriad of ways which are combinations of all kinds of factors and a unique human brain which these factors interplay with. But even if this is so, we must still strive to overcome ourselves.
So are we addicts by nature, by nurture, by both? Actually, perhaps I am asking the wrong question. Looking for a universal may be a failing in itself. Some may be by nature, others nurture. Or, if it is only nurture, perhaps there is no common link between us all. Although the strong connection to human sex instinct is undeniable. So what is the answer? Well, perhaps there isn't just one and that's the very problem.
Well, I'm off, that's enough rambling.
|
|
|
Post by sandpaper on Dec 28, 2007 15:53:30 GMT -5
Hi Mr. B.,
Just wanted to drop a quick note to congratulate you for making it through those tough times. I've had a bit of a rough patch myself lately.
Your last post is quite interesting. I'd respond if I had more time. I'll be back to my usual board routine within four or five days. Take care.
SP
|
|
|
Post by mrbister on Dec 29, 2007 12:48:52 GMT -5
Hi there SP, thanks for dropping by and the supportive words. I hope you're getting through your tough patch too. Looking forward to your returning to the board. You take care too.
Well, yesterday was good, today's been good, tomorrow will be good, as will the few days after that.
I'm hoping to get more into the Buddhism again soon. Incidentally, if anyone is interested the Buddhist Society of Western Australia (www.bswa.org) has an addiction thread in its forum. And they mention P addiction, not specifically, but as one of the many possible addictions.
One more thing. It has recently occurred to me, in a clear way, that cravings we suffer with are merely a form of stress. I know this seems obvious, but think about it hard. I found that when I got a firm grip on what this really meant then I could handle the feeling of craving more easily: I craved, I then thought: this feeling in me is the feeling of stress (caused here by not getting what I want). Then I thought, stress can be relieved in many ways. I could play a game, do some excersice, etc etc etc. In a sense I felt I was redirecting my thoughts. Instead of thinking: ok this craving requires this specific solution, I thought: ok this craving makes me feel stress. How can I relieve stress? Rather than how can I relieve this craving? When I thought of it like this I felt like I could simply do something which usually entertains me i.e. playing a game, watching a film, etc. and relieve the stress. I haven't tried this repeatedly yet, but it seemed to have an effect thus far. Additionally, I felt less worried and stressed about it when thinking like this: I thought 'oh this is just stress, I get stress all the time, it's really not that bad. I just thought I'd mention that. Understanding the craving as just another form of stress. Rather than something more specific.
Well, that's all I want to say for now. Thanks again SP, your continued support is greatly appreciated. All the best.
|
|