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Post by MrOuch on Dec 12, 2007 22:20:25 GMT -5
E,
Recognize the temptation. Expose it in the light. Watch it flee. Your doing great. Be well.
MrOuch
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 13, 2007 12:20:37 GMT -5
Hi Ouch:
Thanks for the reminders and encouragement. I did what you recommend, and the coward that is the Green Man fled. My sobriety remains.
Life is busy busy right now for me and my family. With our faith, we do not celebrate Christmas, so I am thankful not to have all that craziness on top of the stuff already on our plate. Busy is good, though. No idle time for the addict to squirm out.
The W and I resumed our pre-bed Bible reading last night, which has not be happening for a few weeks now. I can always feel a difference when we are not doing that, so I am happy that we have made a start once again.
Happily, our 3 month old seems to be going to sleep earlier these days; he has been up until 11:00pm all the time until the past few days. Our 2 year old goes to sleep around 8:30pm, so if we can get the baby more in sync with him - w00t! Time for us.
Back at it, one day at a time.
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 14, 2007 21:03:25 GMT -5
I have made it another week. I head home after a long work week knowing I have maintained my sobriety, and it feels good. I must say that I feel more supported that ever before between Jehovah, my brothers, my accountability circle, Ten Keys, and this board. I know I am susceptible, but I now have hope. As always, though, I have to stay frosty, maintain clarity, and be resolved. At least I just have to do this one day at a time
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 18, 2007 10:54:47 GMT -5
Tuesday morning. Here I sit, with a runny nose and groggy head. I am fighting a cold, so I was in bed by 9:00pm last night. Yet, some moron was driving around the area blowing his horn at 2:30am this morning, and I never really got back to sleep. Plus, when I did sleep, I was having some wild dreams.
Now, I seem to go through periods of no dreaming, or where I don't remember any dreams. This is not one of them. Some have been on the randy side, others just plain weird. In any event, it looks like I am heading for cup o' Java #2.
On the plus side, my sobriety remains. Some of the dreams have been troubling, but I remind myself they were just dreams and not reality. Past the half way point in December, and I am keeping the P/MB at bay.
As always, just taking a day at a time. For today, I shoot for a P/MB free Tuesday.
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Post by larus on Dec 19, 2007 5:14:07 GMT -5
hi eljefemaz Lack of sleep, oncoming colds, honking idiots - all part of what we have to deal with and I think it is brilliant of you to be sober and stay that way in spite of all that. take it easy with the cold, hope it will go away soon. larus
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 19, 2007 10:36:57 GMT -5
Thanks for stopping by, Larus:
Yeah, the wonders of the modern world. The city we live in didn't believe in zoning, so it is not uncommon to have machine shops and other, more industrial businesses buried in the middle of a residential area.
I have come to a new conclusion about my runny nose: I am allergic to my job. I am fine at home, fine in my car, fine at my "church", but here, a snot fest. Somehow I don't think workers comp will go for that hypothesis.
No matter, the midpoint of the week has been reached. I remain sober, and it feels good. I am aware of my Green Man and his movements, and I am okay with that. The spotlights are on him, and he has nowhere to hide.
The trick now is keep the power to those spot lights. I must feed myself spiritual, pray regularly, and continue to refresh myself on the tools I have to keep the Green One behind bars. It is impossible for me to do that for tomorrow, so...
I just do it for today.
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 20, 2007 14:25:25 GMT -5
The wonders of the modern world and our human imperfection continue. I do not say this due to a slip, but rather due to an ongoing situation with my 2 year old son.
Since our firstborn was 6 months old, he was getting spots of raised rash-type areas on his extremities. He was evaluated at Stanford University by their pediatric department, and they could say it wasn't leprosy or some other infectious disease. Once we moved to Texas, we continued to have it followed by the Medical Center here. The skin rashes had calmed down, but he came to have lumps on his wrists and ankles. Well, the doctors here came out and said he has Sarcodosis, a rheumetological condition where his own immune system is attacking his tissues.
Yesterday afternoon, he had a follow up appointment, during which they observed him moving around in just his diapers. They could see that he is being hampered by these growths, that his range of motion is reduced, and they could see his knees are also swollen. They also found other areas where these massed have appeared: his jaw and under his arms. X-Rays were taken of his chest to see if this has started to go after his lungs.
I didn't go with my wife to this appointment because I am out of off time - I am using a day off tomorrow to ensure we will have only two kids (more on that later) - but when she and the doctor called me to tell me about their findings, I got out of work and headed over the the Medical Center. The next steps for our happy guy is he will now be on a dose of Naproxen each day to see if that will calm the inflammation, physical therapy to help him regain some motion, and CT scans to assess the extend of these masses.
I know all of you with kids can relate to the angst this is produces for my lady and me. I very thankful for the faith I have, because that faith tells me to pray to my Heavenly Father with my feelings and pains and to ask him for a portion of Holy Spirit to help me manifest its fruitage, specifically, peace and self control - Gal. 5:22, 23. Truly, Jehovah is the hearer of prayer, and every time I have asked, He has given it to me.
So, yesterday was rather zippy, today is on the calm side, but tomorrow morning I am getting snipped. My W will be 40 in March, I am 39, so the time for more babies is done. The risks are not worth it for us to try for another, and we really cannot afford any more. I am not thrilled by the ideas of needles being down in my bits, but at least they don't use scalpels these days.
I can honestly say that all these events do not move me to feel tempted. I guess I have already learned to deal with stress in more productive ways, and I know that any P/MB would make me feel worse. If anything, my Green Man feeds on isolation and boredom. He he, can you imagine my stress-o-meter if we celebrated the holidays? Uh, oh no, I still have to shop! - no thanks.
With the off day tomorrow and the standard off days of Monday and Tuesday, I will be offline until Wednesday. As of here and now, my sobriety remains.
For today, I never use P or MB now.
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Post by MrOuch on Dec 21, 2007 1:21:20 GMT -5
el,
Prayers for you and your family. Be well over the holidays.
MrOuch
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 26, 2007 11:16:12 GMT -5
Hi Ouch:
Thanks for stopping by and for your well wishes.
Things are well with my family and me. Our two year old is on his Naproxen regimen, and so far he seems to be doing okay on it. My four month old is his happy little self, and my W is tired but happy overall. Her tiredness has to be due to me being out of commission for the better part of three days and us having a full house with her brother & sister-in-law visiting from Miami.
As for me, I am running a little sore today. Overall, the procedure went smoothly, and the Doc and I talked football while he was snipping away. I was able to lay low for Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday, but it is hard when the little ones need attention.
On top of all the other reasons, my equipment's condition has ensured that my sobriety is still in place. For now, the Green Man is in a coma, but I ever need to keep my eye upon him - he comes out of those states at the most inopportune times.
So, for today, no P or MB for me.
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Post by eljefemaz on Dec 26, 2007 11:30:57 GMT -5
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