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Post by hopeflows on Dec 2, 2007 14:45:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry daisy....
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Post by witness on Dec 3, 2007 13:41:23 GMT -5
Has he ever done the free course over at Recovery Nation? Might be worth a try.
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Post by Johannes on Dec 3, 2007 23:24:20 GMT -5
Yes. I have no doubt about this. You see, I have sometimes acted out right after, say, spending a wonderful evening with close friends. While my situation is different in that I am single, I think it's like this: I get a glimpse of how good, how wonderful my life is or can be. And it's weird: I think acting out then has 2 aspects to it: on the one hand, since I don't really know how to express my positive feelings properly, acting out may be a perverse way of doing this. And then, more importantly, as you say, it's this sudden sense of closeness that scares the hell out of me--my deepest yearning is for emotional intimacy, and it's way way easier to avoid opening that door by acting out.
You have spoken of the trauma your husband sufffered as a child. Maybe, when he starts to open up, starts getting close, all those fears are triggered wildly.
I do think though you shouldn't be satisfied with his "I mb'ed, don't really know why" response.
Take good care, daisy.
And guess what: let's all recover.
Johannes
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Post by witness on Dec 7, 2007 8:46:58 GMT -5
Recovery Nation has lots of helpful information. He should try it!
Blessings!
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Post by dazednconfused on Dec 7, 2007 8:57:23 GMT -5
witness-
yes, I'm sorry. He did not go through the "program" there, but we have used many of the articles. I am kind of waiting to see what the new "couples" site is going to look like there. Your prompting did encourage us to go back there and look again. Maybe he will do another "prtogram' like when he did settingcaptivesfree. I don't know. He needs to deal with that, ya know.
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Post by hopeflows on Dec 11, 2007 11:08:09 GMT -5
For Lilly.....
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy
I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see a hippo hero standing there
Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian
I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see a hippo hero stand there
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses I only like hippopotamuseses And hippopotamuses like me too!
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 12, 2007 21:15:51 GMT -5
You've given me much to chew on here today; thank you for that. I was particularly struck by your reflections on your husband's silence; I perceived adult silence as punishing/distancing and it sent me into a tizzy of compensatory behaviors trying to be "back in the good graces again." My husband also goes through silences, and your post helped me examine some of the ways in which I'm reverting to behaviors that no longer apply (my husband is not silent because he's angry, but because he's often quiet....) Hmmmm. Chewing along nearby and wishing you and your household well. J
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 14, 2007 10:33:07 GMT -5
I used my crock pot a lot when my two were young. I even made cakes and bread in it. I can see why you'd really miss it.
Just tossing out ideas here for alone time. At my previous church, we had a pastor with several preschoolers. His wife felt she wasn't getting alone time with God so he came up with the idea to help. She'd get up at 7AM, and he got up at 7:15, showered, then got the kids up at 7:30 and made the breakfast - then at 7:45 she could sit down and have breakfast with the family - then he'd go to work - and she had the house and kids to get ready for the day. She thought 45 minutes totally alone and the first 15 minutes with a totally quiet home was awesome. It really made a big difference in her life and also in their marriage. I said a prayer that God will help your family come up with a plan for you to have some "just you and God" time. I was fortunate because my kids took afternoon naps until the year before they started kindergarden, so that was my alone time (their dad worked a minimum of 60 hours a week, so there was no way I could have asked him to help me find alone time).
LookingUp
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 15, 2007 8:54:17 GMT -5
Wow, Daisy, that's a difficult one. Any way your husband could take that hour and you could go behind a closed (locked?) door? Not sure about your kids, but mine always acted so much better for Dad who was seldom home. Of course, I wasn't dealing with children hyper enough to require chemicals - I know that certainly changes the mix. I'll hold you in prayer - that God, who knows all the answers, will help you find you "Mom only" time.... or the "daughter of the King of Kings" time you need. If I'm mighty mousing - tell me to step back.
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AmazingGrace
Full Member
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like ME.
Posts: 130
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Post by AmazingGrace on Dec 23, 2007 22:39:04 GMT -5
Daisy-- Just wanted to welcome you to the Hearts in Healing group. I've been a little sporadic in posting and reading, but I just skimmed YOUR WHOLE JOURNAL while my four year old son watched "CinderLoLa" (in his words). I feel a little bleary, but think I know you a little better now. Becky (AG)
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