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Post by crushedprincess on Nov 24, 2006 0:20:22 GMT -5
I read your journal! You sound a lot like me. We are also Catholic. My faith has held me together throughout my life. God and Jesus will be how I will handle this new issue. I am now trying to repair my sexual imagine of myself. I am praying very hard, writing in my journal book, to get me feeling organized. I have a question for you, did you have trouble with changing in front of your husband after this? Right now I can't change in front of him I lock the door, and I don't want to see him without at least underware on. This is a very new thing from me. I have always been very open with my sexuality and comfortable. I hope I am not taking over your journal. I just think we think very similar. Now, my husband was not looking at male pron. I don't believe he was every unfaithful in the real world. I don't believe he had sex with anyone. Now, if the person that posted in his profile had been a supermodel it could have lead to that. So, far he has not lied when I asked him questions, he admits it could have lead to an affair if he was attracted to her. He is willing to do whatever it takes. We have decided that until I can be comfortable with seeing myself and him without clothes we are not going to make love. We are going to talk for 15 mins. each night at least, when the kids are in bed. Right now it is an hour or two a day. Thanksgiving was very hard on him. He had to face my brother and his parents. His siblings don't know about this. We are also going to start dating again. Due to the Christmas season we have alot of parties and we have a marriage group we are part of, so between Christmas and New Years we plan on going out to dinner, movie, or whatever we decide. To have fun again. We have talked for more in the last 3 days then we have talked in a year. As you know the kids take a lot of time. We were just spouting off what needs to be done, who needs to be where, etc. We have been the presenting couple for the Evenings of Engaged, we know the process, now we just have to use it! Counseling helped so much last night. It will also make us accountable to stick to our plan and not let life distract us. The counselor is a Christian Counselor that specializes in Sexual Addiction. All he is making a list of what he needs in the marriage. I asked him to do this at yesterdays session. Thanks for reading! Lynn
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Post by Disciple on Nov 24, 2006 15:13:11 GMT -5
Hi dazed welcome to journaling! I just want to offer you my encouragement as you undertake this process!
You state in one of your entries that you don't really know how this journal thing works. It works the was you want it to. I have my own journal and I read other's and I find that everyone has a different style. So journal on and my prayers are with you and your husband!
Peace, Disciple
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Post by crushedprincess on Nov 26, 2006 19:19:44 GMT -5
As I read your journal entry today, I could relate to you. Other then my DH was home. I believe he has told me everything. I am not saying don't work on your plan, but to have fun. It sounds to me like right now your grieveing more for the baby you lost. PM if you want a great site to go to. There are woman out there going through the same thing. It is a board on many parenting issues and includes losses. Lynn
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Post by johannes3 on Nov 30, 2006 19:33:20 GMT -5
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Post by hopeless on Dec 5, 2006 21:47:49 GMT -5
amen
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 16, 2006 20:13:02 GMT -5
Thank you for putting your journal online. I have learned a lot from reading your insightful and open thoughts - it is very encouraging to me. You have given me hope that some day my husband and I can TOGETHER work recovery.
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Post by johannes3 on Dec 22, 2006 13:52:51 GMT -5
Hi dazed, I want to see whether I can beat you to your journal.... I liked the flood joke. It reminds me of what LeopoldMozart likes to say, that God speaks to him through the people in his life (and these can be atheists ). Ahm, now given that I take part in a certain thread on the general discussion side, I may have no authority to pontificate here, but: I'm fearing that your husband's internet usage is, well, addiction shifting....what does he think about this? Hehehe, and I'm glad you like my tag line.... Let's all recover. Johannes
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Post by johannes3 on Dec 31, 2006 14:47:33 GMT -5
Perhaps this could be the board's motto for 2007?
I hope you and your husband find time for each other.
Let's all recover, fear less, and love more.
A blessed 2007, dazed!
Johannes
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Post by johannes3 on Jan 2, 2007 15:35:06 GMT -5
Dear dazed,
I have just prayed for you.
Don't know whether this is a comforting thought, but I did want to tell you that I love your new avatar!!
My very best,
Johannes
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Post by johannes3 on Jan 2, 2007 16:26:16 GMT -5
I will continue to pray for you, dazed. About avatars: good move with stopping now that you've got this superb avatar --it ranks second in my list of favorites (Maddy's avatar is the best!). So you can tell fj her avatar compulsion is not winning her any prizes ;D ;D ;D ;D Many blessings, Johannes
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Post by johannes3 on Jan 4, 2007 15:25:48 GMT -5
dazy, I hope you're having a restful day. I hope there are people who can be with you in this difficult time. Sending out another prayer.... Many blessings, Johannes
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Post by LookingUp on Jan 5, 2007 14:47:04 GMT -5
Doctors don't know sh!t. My body is telling me something is so wrong. I am still symptomatic. My heart goes out to you. I fought doctors for 4 years. I kept saying something is WRONG. and they said "But your tests are all normal." After changing 5 or 6 doctors (there were only 3 in the town we lived in and the next town was a 7 hour drive away - so had to wait for new ones to move to the area and others to leave), I found one who sent me for a liver biopsy. He said he was humoring me, that I didn't need it because my liver function tests were normal. But it showed severe fibrosis and early cirrhosis. I wasn't happy about the diagnosis - but it sure beat wondering if I was crazy. I pray you quickly find a doctor who can aleviate your fears - give you a diagnosis or help you discover why you're body isn't doing what it's suppose to be doing. I pray Jehovah Rapha will show himself strong on your behalf.
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Post by LookingUp on Jan 5, 2007 21:38:00 GMT -5
My heart aches for you; I can't begin to grasp the pain and trauma you have been through nor the fear you are experiencing now. My step-daughter went through similar. Things would look okay with some spotting and at 13 weeks the fetus would die. Because she was working, she had her choice of the morning after pill or D&C - she chose the pill. After 3 or 4 of these traumatic times, she finally gave birth to a little boy. They decided to have no more because she said she couldn't emotionally make it through another "dry run" again.
Hope it's okay if I pray for you in your journal:
Father God, I love your Word; Thank you that your Word is Truth. I especially love Psalms 139 where you talk about your tender care as you knit a new life in the mother's womb; I can almost hear you singing a lullaby as you form little arms and legs and start the circulatory track pumping. That same Psalm says during this time you already start writing pages of plans for this child's life. I thank you for the meticulious detail and compassionate care you take of even these itsy-bitsy little ones.
I ask you to take special care of dazed's uterus and her baby. Do a miracle - not just Your routine miracle of conception but the miracle of letting dazed carry a healthy baby full term and give her an easy pregnancy and delivery. I stand on your Word of Deuteronomy 28:4 "Blessed shall be the fruit of dazed body." Blessed - I love that word. That you care enough to give and do good things for us out of your goodness and love. Let baby and pregnancy is blessed by You, Father God. Hold her little one in the palm of your hands and protect it from the wiles of the Deceiver until he/she is big enough to be born. I stand on Your promise in Genesis 49:25: "Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb" I realize this was a promise to Jacob - but as heirs of salvation, we're his seed and that promise is for dazed and her precious baby. Your Word promises in Exodus 23:26 that, "In your land no woman will have a miscarriage or be without children. I will give you long lives." Father as heirs of the New Covenant, that has better promises; I ask you to perform that Word for dazed and her precious baby. I speak peace to her womb - The peace to settle down and function properly. I speak life and health to the baby she is carrying. I call upon your name, Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. Heal whatever is wrong to show your greatness and power.
Father, as her psalm says, Please hold her close and be a mighty presence in her life during this time. Let her know your peace that passeth all understanding. Let your perfect love cast out all fear. Give her the gift of faith so she can believe your promises are true for her and her baby. Show yourself strong on her and her baby's behalf. Show your glory and love by fulfilling your Word concerning healthy born babies - born in season. We'll give you the praise and glory for this mighty act. In Jesus' Precious Name. Amen.
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Post by hopeless on Jan 5, 2007 22:33:03 GMT -5
dazed....I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry. You and yours are in my prayers.
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Post by LookingUp on Jan 6, 2007 14:29:14 GMT -5
I said a prayer that the reason your husband seems more scattered and less cuddly today is because he's using his energy to focus not only on taking care of you - but in not acting out. I'm sure in times of extreme stress that it takes extreme concentration to keep those addictive thoughts at bay.
I know on days when I struggle with my food sobriety, my husband has questioned why I'm ignoring him, or being spacey or preoccupied. He's not mean when he says that but is very compassionate and concerned. He does worry about my physical health when I'm spacy; because I act similar when the brain injury is acting up or when I'm in early liver failure. He has a little trouble accepting it's energy diverted so I do not fall face first into the fridge.
((((((((((((((((((((( dazed )))))))))))))))))) So sorry you are struggling right now. I'm still praying the prayer above - that you will have good news.
LookingUp
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