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Post by gpb on May 21, 2007 22:45:13 GMT -5
Hello, Covad; I don't know what to say. I am baffled. How are you doing today? Please let us know. A lot of us care deeply about you. I hope all is going well for you today. You're very much in my thoughts and prayers. Let's stay sober, just for today. Grace and peace, Guy
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on May 29, 2007 8:27:50 GMT -5
Dear Covad,
I really hope you are not torturing yourself about what happened. This will only feed the problem.
You are and will remain an inspiration on this board. Never forget that. Guy is right, many of us care a lot!
Stay clean!
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Post by Covad on Jun 14, 2007 23:21:10 GMT -5
What's even more baffling is that after a miserable few days in a hotel room in Kansas, I have been virtually temptation free (without even trying) for over a month.
Honestly, I've stopped trying to figure it out. Right now I'm clean, and not much more matters.
I've wasted too many brain cells and hours trying to understand.
Thanks for all your encouragement.
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Mr. Clean
Full Member
Clean since 05/03/07
Posts: 190
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Post by Mr. Clean on Jun 15, 2007 4:39:38 GMT -5
Great to see you're doing well! I pmed you. Stay clean!
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Post by Covad on Jul 17, 2007 23:43:03 GMT -5
Hanging in there. I had a rough go of it a couple weeks ago, no nudity but plenty of compulsive behavior...definitely a slip.
I'm not acting out now, but the anxiety and other emotional crap are still disturbing my peace!
I'll survive this. Faith is about all I have left.
Covad
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Post by Covad on Aug 27, 2007 1:45:21 GMT -5
I'm alive and well. Feeling good. Feeling positive. 2 weeks clean. Staying watchful. Doing the little things.
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Post by Covad on Aug 27, 2007 22:39:56 GMT -5
Oddly enough, I have argued (pleasantly) with Guy (where'd he go?) for years about the myopic approach of "one day at a time," and now I am giving it a try.
Perhaps not to the militant extent that, in my opinion, Guy takes it too, but I am looking at my sobriety and recovery in terms of hours, not days now. I pray and ask for strength for however many hours are left until I am safely asleep. The Savior speaks frequently about watching and praying and being "watchful unto prayer." I am using this tactic in my recovery. I am staying connected with God much more frequently and asking for help. This keeps me more focused and "watchful" of the warning signs around me.
Covad
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Post by BlackSpiral on Aug 27, 2007 23:06:06 GMT -5
I think it's common sense, to an extent. The idea of surviving each day was important to my recovery; I knew, if I could make it through the day, I could relax, rest and recuperate, and be fresh for the next. The fact that I only ever had to survive one day was a great reassurance on those days when it was very hard.
At the same time, though, I refused to only think about today; I needed to be looking beyond today too. Surviving today gave me sobriety; looking forward gave me motivation and purpose. I don't think I'd have gotten sober with either one on its own.
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Post by Covad on Aug 27, 2007 23:19:32 GMT -5
I agree.
I am willing to look forward to the man I want to become. This is where I think I differ from Guy. I had been so turned off by the rigid approach to one-day-at-a-time that I considered it anathema. I am reconsidering my position now.
Like you say, I think it will be useful in getting me on my feet in terms of sobriety, but I certainly do not want to use it as my only tactic.
For now, it will help me through my days, and keep me focused on my behavior and thoughts.
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Post by Covad on Aug 27, 2007 23:34:18 GMT -5
I have noticed a change the past six months or so. Perhaps it is my advancing age (36 now), but I no longer crave p.orn like I used to. On a day-to-day basis, my longing for it is almost non-existent.
My relapses come not due to a nagging desire for p.orn, but when my life seems to be unmanageable. This in itself is nothing new. I have always used p.orn as a coping mechanism, but the overwhelming desire for p.orn was a consistent theme for me.
I count this a blessing, but unfortunately my relapses still occur every couple of months; more evidence to me that this addiction is primarily based in psychology and not so much in s.exuality.
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Post by choselife on Aug 28, 2007 6:35:09 GMT -5
Very much my experience also.
CL
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