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Post by Karahma123 on Dec 21, 2007 2:04:49 GMT -5
Like my previous posts, after two years of supposedly being "clean" my husband got caught this past week and has been confessing big time. Two years worth, so it's gotta be a lot, right?
Well each night he ends it with, that's all there is, I promise, I swear. That's it!
So today he confesses a few other things, like movies we've watched, he'd go and re-watch s* scenes.
The big one tonight though, was very upsetting. I belong to several woman's groups and we have online forums. It's very private and not open to the public.. to gain entrance you have to have known several members and be verified over the phone to get passwords. My husband just told me he was searching through this website and looking at pictures OF MY FRIENDS and m*-ing to them.
Now I feel like the only people I could turn to about this have been violated and objectified as well. I couldn't possibly tell them because they'd hate my husband.
Anyways, long story short, my husband goes through this cycle where he confesses to me, is accountable to me, then he'll swear that's it. Then two days, or two hours, maybe even 20 minutes later he'll come back to me, apologize, tell me that really wasn't it, and unload a bunch of other mind boggling behaviors to me.
Does anyone else's husband do this to them? Is it a pathological liar type thing, or does he really have zero empathy for me and my feelings?
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Post by Karahma123 on Dec 21, 2007 2:11:49 GMT -5
I also want to add I feel personally violated as well because the nature of the discussions within these forums are extremely personal and intimate. And these aren't anonymous people from across the internet, these are my friends. If they knew my husband was reading about the details of their personal lives, I dunno.
It's disgusting because we used to have a completely separate password for this area of our website and just recently, after many years of trying to "get safe" we opened the entire website up to just one password. We had a male stalker in the past who had even sent me things in the mail, so we were always worried about such things.
It's just so violating.
It'll never get better. Maybe it's time for me to hit the road.
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tac
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by tac on Dec 21, 2007 5:42:58 GMT -5
Wow, I came here to read what other marriages are going through and to learn how to feel in advance, what my wife is going to feel when I tell her. I really feel for you. Your husband need more accontability than just you. Maybe a family member, friend, pastor, or someone that YOU trust. Someone to hold him accountable that answers to YOU. He has to get serious about change. There is always hope. Don't give up, just get some help.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 21, 2007 7:13:59 GMT -5
"Does anyone else's husband do this to them?" Yes. Mine does. My H has been doing this since August 17th of 2005. Each time he ends with a fully whole & completely meaningful, "I swear there's nothing more." And when I say I don't believe him, he alway replies with, "I know and I understand. I wouldn't believe me either. But I swear that's it. There's nothing else left I'm actively holding back. Nothing I'm telling myself to not tell you." Six days ago he confessed 10 different things that he hadn't told me about yet. A couple of them were things I had specifically asked about such as why he was fired from a job some 9 or so years ago, literally a few weeks before we found out I was finally pregnant with our second/my 3rd child. Here's a link to what he's confessed so far. I still need to update it with the most recent revelations. ETA: I just updated the list. lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=journal&action=display&thread=1190298451&page=12#1197482446"Is it a pathological liar type thing, or does he really have zero empathy for me and my feelings?"Personally & for my H, I think it is a serious psychological issue he has because my H's lies go far beyond protecting the addiction. He'll lie about what he wants to watch, eat, wear or where he got something. He lies things I'd probably never get mad over. He's just a liar. And I do not trust him. I believe my H has empathy for me. I've witnessed seemingly out of the blue "Ah Ha!" moments when he'll finally get it about something or even during a discussion or fight. I think my H get the pain he has caused. He's just has some serious issues that hopefully his therapy will address soon.
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