Big, loud mouthed vent!!

[completelydone]

So, I've been finding myself short and curt with some people here the past few days because of the garbage they come on here and blather all over everyone and then want patted on the head and told they're alright. So, I need a break from this place before I get myself in trouble. But first, I need to vent!!

I'm sick and tired of people who want to blame everything on anything and everyone else but themselves! I'm am furious with people who refuse to take personal responsibility for their lives!
I've had it with people who want to blame:

- God
- the rain
- their hormones
- their gender
- their wives/partners
- their fathers
- their mothers
- their priests
- their disease
- their beast
- their monster
- their alien
- their religion
- those that have hurt them
- those that they have hurt
- those that live with them
- those that don't live with them
- their buddies
- their enemies
- their ex's
- their bosses
- their jobs
- their genes
- their society
- their upbringing
- their teachers
- their ministers
- the internet
- the pornographers
- the porn whores
- the porn producers
- the adult stores
- the strippers
- the strip clubs
- their hands
- their penis
- their eyes
- their shyness
- their dreams
- women

for their own foolish choices and behaviors in life. NOBODY and NOTHING has put a gun to their heads and forced them to do anything! It's not a disease, a monster, a beast, a germ, a virus, a hiccup, a hormone, a woman, that makes them do a freakin' thing!!!!!!! IT'S THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The responsibility for what they do lies solely and completely with THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There may be things in their lives that have left them bitter, afraid, hurt, paranoid, chauvinistic, insecure, cold, and loveless, but THEY choose to get better, to be better, to do better or not!! NO ONE else, NOTHING else makes that decision for them! No one and nothing can make those decisions for them. So, only they are responsible for what they do or don't do, who they are, how they treat others!

Every person on this board is responsible for their own actions, beliefs, and lives! If they don't take charge of it and make it what they want, it's their own fault. There's no excuse.

So, call it all what you want, but it's all personal choices made by people who are solely responsible for their own selves!

Have a Merry Christmas!! I won't be back for a few days unless I write in my journal, because I can't handle any more gaslighting bull hockey right now!! Thanks for listening ladies! I wish you speedy healing!


CD

[dazednconfused]

Enjoy your peace gathering time CD (been there, done that a few times)

Peace and a very Merry Christmas

[iambetrayed]

Amen, CD I love a good rant.

I wish you a happy and peaceful Christmas !

[susan]

CD, I completely agree!!!

[megan11]

Awww...Merry Christmas CD. Please know you will be missed till you come back. I am sorry you need a break but can totally understand. (((((CD)))))
And i too totally agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LookingUp]

Great vent. I agree with what you said. I pray you regain your peace in this season of holiness.

[zerotolerance]

Oh crap, I just wrote a great choir rant, but I hit escape, and I lost it! ARGH!!!!!!!! I'll be back later to pick it back up, right now I'm pissed cuz I lost it, and so I can't remember what I was saying.

LOL!!!!

[megan11]

I am starting to think i need a break with some of the insulting, irrational posts i have seen promoting things that this board is supposed to be against. I dont want to get banned, but have a hard time reading and not being able to say how it is. I do find that some of the more debate type posts are a slap in the face with what us partners have been through. And i also dont think that kind of debative posting on MB and P helps any of the RA's. Just my opinion.

[LookingUp]

megan11 said:

I am starting to think i need a break with some of the insulting, irrational posts i have seen promoting things that this board is supposed to be against. I dont want to get banned, but have a hard time reading and not being able to say how it is. I do find that some of the more debate type posts are a slap in the face with what us partners have been through. And i also dont think that kind of debative posting on MB and P helps any of the RA's. Just my opinion.

I agree with you 100%. That's where my journal is so important to me. I can go there and get my anger out about the insulating, irrational, belitteling, shaming posts towards us women. There are some days I have to stay off the General Board - and seldom I venture into the PA side unless I am in a really healthy place that I know it won't bring me back into the pit of despair.

LookingUp

[megan11]

lookingup said:

megan11 said:

I am starting to think i need a break with some of the insulting, irrational posts i have seen promoting things that this board is supposed to be against. I dont want to get banned, but have a hard time reading and not being able to say how it is. I do find that some of the more debate type posts are a slap in the face with what us partners have been through. And i also dont think that kind of debative posting on MB and P helps any of the RA's. Just my opinion.

I agree with you 100%. That's where my journal is so important to me. I can go there and get my anger out about the insulating, irrational, belitteling, shaming posts towards us women. There are some days I have to stay off the General Board - and seldom I venture into the PA side unless I am in a really healthy place that I know it won't bring me back into the pit of despair.

LookingUp

See, i wouldnt mind so much if these types of posts were strickly in the RA forum, yes we do our fair share of rants in this forum as to "our" PA's but i just find that with these posts, debating type posts- being in the general forum where both RA's and Partners come to meet, its a total slap in the face to me.
This is a support board, how can these thing be debated on a NO P support board? I find that this just brings all of us down and this board down. I dont want to be told that P, MB, Erotica, is A-OK when this P is what landed me here on this NO P SUPPORT board to begin with!
I understand that Opinions are like as--oles and everyone has one, i have one too, but i come here for support and TO support others, not defend the pain that has been handed to me.
I feel as if some days coming here is going to a place where i just dont have a say as to how i feel, because all the bad is justified in some stupid way.
P is ok because its not REAL and I dont "feel" anything while watching it! (?) MB is HEALTHY! Noooooooooooooooo, its not adulty because "I'M" not married, (so screw you who are and who HURT because you are!)
There just seems to be a real lack of respect from some people. Debating the very reason why we are all here is a lack of respect to all of us.

[LookingUp]

megan11 said:

See, i wouldnt mind so much if these types of posts were strickly in the RA forum, yes we do our fair share of rants in this forum as to "our" PA's but i just find that with these posts, debating type posts- being in the general forum where both RA's and Partners come to meet, its a total slap in the face to me.
This is a support board, how can these thing be debated on a NO P support board? I find that this just brings all of us down and this board down. I dont want to be told that P, MB, Erotica, is A-OK when this P is what landed me here on this NO P SUPPORT board to begin with!
I understand that Opinions are like as--oles and everyone has one, i have one too, but i come here for support and TO support others, not defend the pain that has been handed to me.
I feel as if some days coming here is going to a place where i just dont have a say as to how i feel, because all the bad is justified in some stupid way.
P is ok because its not REAL and I dont "feel" anything while watching it! (?) MB is HEALTHY! Noooooooooooooooo, its not adulty because "I'M" not married, (so screw you who are and who HURT because you are!)
There just seems to be a real lack of respect from some people. Debating the very reason why we are all here is a lack of respect to all of us.

I've been on this board for several years. I've seen the pendulum swing both ways, in my opinion. Unfortunately, you happened to join here recently while the pendulum is where it is now - towards the PAs.... in time it will swing the other way. Learning to maintain personal serenity when the roller coaster of life is wild is part of SO and PA recovery, in my opinion. I have an anus, so I guess I'm entitled to that opinion, eh? ;D

Well, as I think of it, an SO was recently temporarily banned because she was posting in the PA and Gen board in ways that were hurtful for the PAs. I have a lot of confidence that the moderators are doing things behind the scenes to keep this board as pleasant as it is. I've seen some really ugly times on the board and I've seen some PAs and SOs get banned because they wouldn't or couldn't learn to be more generous with other's points of view. I think the moderators do very well in balancing the needs of one vs the needs of the group - it's an un-enviable position to be in when making those decisions.

When I joined there was no board for just recovering addicts - and at that time SOs had to be quite careful because the PAs had to post all their stuff there. I thought I'd puke if I saw one more "I slipped" post - it was almost daily. I was so thankful that a PA only board was started because many of the PAs don't come to the Gen board until they can handle the tension; I think many of the PAs do try to herd the newbies over into the PA side but it may take a day or two to help a newbie figure that out - just as SOs try to encourage new SOs to post here if PAs are posting triggering stuff on her thread on the Gen side.

I think those topics need debated because sometimes that's the only way newbies can break the first bit of denial that has kept them bound in their addiction. Thus, when I reply with (what I hope is) firm kindness to PAs who still have their head screwed up their hind-ends - my hope is that they will take a deep look at their deceptions, their erroneous thoughts and choose to recognize that they are addicts in deep trouble. Back when I use to rant at them, they just saw a hysterical female and that gave them another excuse to return to their addiction.

I think SOs get as tired reading PA debates about mb or not hurting partner as PAs get tired of reading the new SOs debates of "it must be a defect in me or he wouldn't have done it." But it seems most newbies come in with those same mind-sets.

LookingUp

[mo4wo1]

The debates... I get suckered in every time. Well, almost every time. I ain't stupid... not one lick! And yet these "must defend self' feelings kick in.

I need to remember that I can say my peace & then "walk" away & still be smart... even if those I am speaking to don't hear, understand or want to hear or understand my words. It's okay to walk away! They will think of me whatever they choose regardless. As long as I do my best to be my best, the rest is up to them.

UGH!

It's like talking to my H 2.5 years ago to 13 plus years ago. Talk about wasted breath & frustarations! He didn't hear me until I said "I'm done!" and was!

Ugh!

But yes, if you don't think you have a problem or that you partner has a problem, why the heck are you here? Seriously!