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Post by buffalosgirl on Dec 19, 2007 16:54:28 GMT -5
I'm soooo sick and f'ing tired of crying. How am I supposed to expect an addict to overcome his porn issue if I can't even stop the waterworks?  I've never ever been a big crier, but the past two years I just can't seem to stop. I feel like I'm just wallowing in self-pity and anger. I'm absolutely sick and tired of pretending nothing's wrong when I know damn well something's WAY wrong. What a hypocrite am I when I'm all teared up and he asks "What's the matter?" and I say "Nothing./I guess I'm tired./I think I'm just in a funk." It can't be worth making a LIAR of myself just to avoid a fight. (Did I mention I hate a liar?) I am beyond sick and tired of not being able to have open, honest communication with the man that I love. Every time we talk about p, it becomes a fight. Oh, and I'm completely sick and tired of fighting, too! ;D I hate being angry or disgusted with him. I wish I had more patience. I wish he took the whole damned thing more seriously. I loathe myself for the times when I want to give up. How would I feel if he gave up on me? I'm frustrated that he thinks this addiction is just part of who he is. I'm hurt that he's not active on this site, at least to check up on how I'm doing. It seems like the bare minimum effort to me. I don't get why he hasn't gone to see a professional that specializes in the issues he's got going on - especially a SA therapist... I think it would do me some good, too. I'm done b!tching for the moment.  Wishing you all a p/objectifying/ogling/gaslighting-FREE holiday season. |
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Post by zerotolerance on Dec 19, 2007 17:06:00 GMT -5
Your soul is broken, that's why you cry. It started with him, but now it is in you too. Stop pretending nothing is wrong, and start embracing it. You don't have to discuss it with him, nor argue with him about it. You just have to learn the truth that is already with in YOU and learn how to embrace it, rather than trying to hide from it, or deny it. It's real, you feel it. You happiness isn't as dependent on him as you think it is right now. And even if he were miracously healed today you'd still have to face the problems it's created in you. Change your expectations of him, because having the ones you have now, are leading you to feel disappointed. He's not capable of what you are seeking at this point. And everytime you expect it and get disappointed your growing your own soul holes. Stop looking for something or someone outside of you to heal you, because we only really heal from the inside out instead. I know it's hard. But you need to focus on what is best for you, not him him him. He probably does enough me,me,me, thinking about only himself, for the both of you. Someone needs to start thinking about you, and what you need, and it's not likely to be him any time soon, so it's gonna have to be YOU. Giving something to yourself, does not take anything away from him. It makes you healthier which can only help both of you in the long run.
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Post by realthing on Dec 19, 2007 18:23:26 GMT -5
surely not any worse than you're feeling now - and he did that to u.
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milla
Full Member
Posts: 170
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Post by milla on Dec 19, 2007 18:24:50 GMT -5
I went through this low period of feeling emotional and expecting the SO to empathize, expecting him to be, well, just a human being. To no avail. It just seemed to reassure him that I was still focused on him and he didn't have to take me seriously. After a while, I realized I would have to look to other sources for a sense of validation and stability and I began focusing on things outside of the relationship. Once that happened, he took on less importance to me and I could detach. Unfortunately, as my detachment became more significant, he didn't keep up and eventually I was just beginning to be over the whole thing and no longer interested in trying by the time he was beginning to give a little. They just leave us no choice and unfortunately that is the way it goes a lot.
They really don't get it until you're halfway out the door it seems. As long as you're upset and emotional he knows the focus is on him and how much you care and unfortunately that will allow him to continue to slack. Change your expectations, like ZT said, start doing things differently, focus on you as hard as it is. At some point he'll try to step up or he won't.
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Post by googles on Dec 20, 2007 13:36:08 GMT -5
"What's the matter??" You THINK he really dosen't know? We who have hurt our SO's ALWAYS know what's the matter when you start crying out of the blue. Trust me, he knows.
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Post by megan11 on Dec 20, 2007 13:43:04 GMT -5
"What's the matter??" You THINK he really dosen't know? We who have hurt our SO's ALWAYS know what's the matter when you start crying out of the blue. Trust me, he knows. I would have to second that even though i am an SO. When it strikes me in the car while we are driving and my H sees me craying, he knows why. When i am in a bad mood for no apparent reason, he knows why. He knows why enough to not ask, why. |
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Post by zerotolerance on Dec 20, 2007 16:05:36 GMT -5
Some know, and some don't. Ppl aren't one size fits all.
And knowing a few factors or elements is not always fully knowing. It's the best we can do sometimes though.
And when someone knows, and yet they keep doing it, they obviously DONT GET IT, so they DONT KNOW, or don't care.
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Post by tryintogetthru on Dec 20, 2007 16:06:35 GMT -5
I'm sure you all would be surprised to hear you're admired...but I wish I could cry. I'm not really much of a crier...I've cried exactly four times since this came out three months ago...all in the first three days, twice when I had to tell my kids that dad wasn't going to be staying in the house for a while. But I feel like I'm crying a lot...of course my H doesn't know that. I feel like I might feel better if I could cry...just let it out...it just doesn't happen...I just end up depressed.  |
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Post by buffalosgirl on Dec 23, 2007 4:39:02 GMT -5
TY for the input,. googles. I'm always interested in hearing from 'the other side.'
Tryin-crying sure hasn't helped me any, so don't put your stock in it. I think sometimes I'm just masking anger. I think I may try hitting something (note: not someone!) once in a while.
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Post by sunstone on Dec 27, 2007 0:39:50 GMT -5
I totally understand how you feel. I have been dealing with the same feelings you have for three years. I feel like I have given up, on him and on us, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I filed for a divorce on Dec 19th. I have come to realize for me the lies will never stop and I can't go on crying like this anymore. I still love him. But how will I ever be happy when he lies and doesn't even think he has a problem?? He is selfish. People with porn issues that affect their SO are SELFISH. So stand up for yourself. This has and is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! I don't want a divorce......but I will and can not live like this anymore. Good luck to you. You deserve happiness.
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I've never ever been a big crier, but the past two years I just can't seem to stop. I feel like I'm just wallowing in self-pity and anger.
