Up, Down. Round & Round.

[mo4wo1]

Gotta love the roller coaster, lol!

H & I are doing good right now. I still have yet to blowup over his having been fired 9 years ago but really, I am thinking I won't. Not that I am holding back but rather I don't see the point in it. I mean it was some 9 years ago & we're okay, now.

I get that he's an addict. That's what addicts have been known to do. Not that it's okay or should be expected, that they will use at work. I am just not surprised it happened.

He is an addict!

What aggravates me the most, though, isn't even that he lied for so long. I mean addicts lie to protect their addictions. It just is. But the fact that he keeps adding lies to his already 52 items long list is just maddening.

He hates that it's so ingrained in him to lie. I really see how it tears him up for real. I just want that to stop foremost. I believe I can handle the rest if he stays honest.

He's getting there. I mean, he is telling truths that he's never told me before. I just wish he'd hurry up & get there.

Lessons to Learn

Patience.
He's doing what I need most, "coming clean" with me & getting honest. It's just going to take time with him. He needs time & if I am to stay, I must accept that. And I will, as long as he continues to work this.

Acceptance
He's working this recovery the best way he can right now. Definitely could do better! But he's giving what he's giving & that's that. It's either enough or it's not. I must accept what I can & cannot tolerate. I must accept myself & my limits, too.

I am.

[LookingUp]

I love roller coasters - especially the old wooden ones; but the metal ones that go upside down are pretty cool, too. But the one thing about roller coasters is eventually the highs and lows are less and less and the speed slows and then you stop with a big smile on your face. I pray that the emotional roller coaster you're on will start to even out and calm for you.... and he keeps gaining insight into why he lies and starts being more and more honest about all things.

LookingUp

[breakfreenow]

Up, down, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. It never seems to end. I thought that because he was finally getting right with God, admitting his problems to a mentor and becoming more active in our church, that this problem was finally going to be behind us, at least for an extended period of time. We found out a few months ago that we are being surprised with a third child. (Gods will, not ours!). I remember what he was like during the first 2 pregnancies. If that is any indication, I need to file for divorce now! I already told him he needs to get his act together because I refuse to bring a 3rd child into this mess. I have been able to shield the other two but I don't know how much longer I can do it.
Prayers are helpful
Thanks
breakfreenow

[zerotolerance]

For me, it felt more like a seesaw. I'd pull myself together, and keep trying, ie go up, and as soon as things started to seem better, or if a problem emerged, either way, then he'd just get off, and send me slamming hard right back down into the ground. Cycle repeated until I learned not to get back on the seesaw with him. Remember being kids and there was always the one kid you never rode the seesaw with because they thought it was funny to hop off and send you slamming down. That's my h.

[megan11]

Mo, its crappy. Thats all i can say.

[mo4wo1]

Thanks ladies.

breakfreenow, nice to meet you. Our last child was so not our idea either. I hope your H goes easy on you & himself this time around.

[kello2005]

Mo, I totally relate...I re-convince myself of those things daily. Those are actually my exact same issues. Recognizing this will take time and have the patience to stick with it and accepting that I don't have control over his recovery and that he will learn what he needs to learn along the way.

Oh the crazy roller coaster....it's become a great friend of mine!