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Post by tryintogetthru on Dec 18, 2007 7:44:27 GMT -5
I totally get where you're coming from, and I'm sorry you're having a tough day. I am almost three months from when I caught my husband, and it just doesnt lighten up. I am lucky in that I'm pretty sure he hasn't slipped since I caught him, and actually I've made it pretty difficult for him too...the internet is gone from our house and our business so that pretty well cut him off from his source. But the initial shock and disbelief returns every day, along with the anger, sadness and hurt. I haven't learned yet how to put it away and only deal with it at certain times...it just hits me whenever it hits me. I too, would like to avoid the world, I say I'd like to crawl into a hole and cover myself up....there's never enough time for me to just be with my pain, i'm always trying to do something else at the same time...work, kids, etc. And here I am at work, trying to get something done. Try to feel better and get on with your day. I hope hearing from people in the same boat helps, I know it does for me.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 18, 2007 12:04:47 GMT -5
"So now why am I feeling guilty for needing space?"
Maybe because you're his wife & don't like him hurting? Maybe because you have "issues" WRT your boundaries & are working through them & this is "new" territory for you, the whole saying no? Maybe because he's good at manipulating you?
Those are what it tends to be with me. Love yourself through this, though. Your boundaries matter even if he is still struggling to "get it" at times.
(((((broonessa)))))
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Post by beginagain on Dec 18, 2007 12:17:10 GMT -5
Sometimes I think they want to switch it from "you're mad at me" to "I'm mad at myself, so why aren't you comforting me?". They pass right over comforting us for THEIR actions. But in the end, they are punishing us for withholding affection (while we sort it out in our heads), and make it be about our lack of support, and not their actions/choices.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 18, 2007 12:18:49 GMT -5
Sometimes I think they want to switch it from "you're mad at me" to "I'm mad at myself, so why aren't you comforting me?". My H has said as much. He now admits that he has said hurtful things to me out of his own guilt, that he was really mad at himself & not me.
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