kello2005
Full Member
When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. - Maya Angelou
Posts: 134
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Post by kello2005 on Dec 17, 2007 23:36:10 GMT -5
Does anyone else find it incredibly difficult to genuinely say "i love you"?
Not always, but there are times where I literally choke as I'm saying it and feel so emotionally numb. Almost like a movie when we hug and he says it and I'm just staring blankly while whispering it back.
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Post by completelydone on Dec 17, 2007 23:40:54 GMT -5
In the beginning, yes, it was hard to say because I didn't mean it anymore. Our marriage was on a downward spiral and I couldn't figure out why; it was porn of course. So, by the time d day came, I was already growing very numb to him and considering separation. After d day, I grew very much to hate him for a while. I definitely didn't stay because I loved him. I stayed because I love my kids and I felt I must try for their sake to work things out; but he had to stay porn free for that to work. So, for quite some time I didn't tell him that; and if I did it was because I felt pressure to say it back to him. Now, I can say it and mean it. I do love him again. It's taken a long time to get there but here we are.
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Post by lee1234 on Dec 18, 2007 1:13:23 GMT -5
I felt like that for a while. Now the love is starting to grow a bit, so when I say it, it's not forced or difficult. I'm learning to love him and hate the addiction. I love the him that's trapped beneath the things I hate. I hate that he's depressed, I hate that he's compulsive, I hate that he's addicted. I love the man that plays with our daughter and tickles her and loves her without a doubt. I love the man that can look into my eyes and SEE ME! I love the man who remembered that 10 years ago, he decided that our Christmas tree HAD to have a start even though I wanted an angel so we've always had a star BUT when I told him he could come home, he brought an angel for the tree.... I had forgotten that argument so long ago... I love that he's becoming more considerate and more in touch with himself and me, so I can say that I love him, and mean it... I hope with all my heart that he continues to be the man I love.
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Post by zerotolerance on Dec 18, 2007 18:33:17 GMT -5
YES, ditto. I think it's because when we're sick with it, we aren't fully connected to our hearts and souls in the way where we are when we are REALLY feeling it and saying it. And we know that part is missing and that awareness adds a sense of loss that comes up whenever we try to say it. And also we get full of fear of being vunerable around someone who has used love against us in the past, (conciously or subconciously). We don't want to be hurt again so we're scared and we can literally get choked on that fear. And when things aren't firing right within us, because of our broken souls, and broken hearts, and when they aren't acting all right, or right enough yet, still disconnected, it's tough to feel it, and thus harder to say it imo.
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kello2005
Full Member
When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. - Maya Angelou
Posts: 134
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Post by kello2005 on Dec 18, 2007 18:40:32 GMT -5
This is so true. I can almost feel the sense of loss when I'm around him sometimes.
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Post by completelydone on Dec 18, 2007 23:25:52 GMT -5
This is so true. I can almost feel the sense of loss when I'm around him sometimes. Yes, the sense of loss is overwhelming. It's almost like the person you thought you had died, the life you thought you had died, and now you're left with.......... you don't know what because they were never honest with you. How can you love a lie? How can you love who you don't know?
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