Triggering content- question about new bf

[keepmetogether]

Hi everyone. I have been on here for over a year. Had a PA bf last year for a few months. I have asked on here before how to hide triggering content but never seemed to find an answer so i figured I would just put it in the subject.

As someone who has dated a PA, I am very aware of objectifying behavior and in the last year, it is almost as though I would look for signs that any new guys I met might be PA or SA..

I am dating a new guy these days and I wonder if he might be hiding something. The reason I wonder is because he has severe issues with premature ejaculation. He has actually seen a Dr. for these issues. He is 30 years old. When we try to be intimate, he has a hard time getting an erection and it literally will be over once it starts if he does achieve an erection. He ejaculates with very little stimulation at all.

I understand that this can be the result of other things. He says he has anxiety over the situation. However, the other night we also had an argument about him looking at other women when we are together. He rubber necks just like past PA bf if not more... The argument came up after he did it and I was pondering how to bring it up. When I did I told him his behavior is rude and will not be tolerated.

He knows I dated a PA. I told him. I have asked him if he watches porn. I have asked him how often he MB. (he said maybe 5 x/week.)

I just don't want to get involved with someone who has these issues. I wonder with these two things combined if I am only doomed to find out he is a PA.

Does anyone have any insight to add? Perhaps some other things I should look for? ANYTHING???

[milla]

I dated a guy with PE once and it was actually *more* annoying than the lack of erection thing I had with my PA. It's just worse to get started and have it over in 2 seconds than not to get started at all. This guy did eventually fix his problem, but not before I laid down the gauntlet and actually left him over it. We got back together for a while. How he fixed it I will never know. I think he knew I'd had better lovers and wasn't going to put up with this (expletive). It always seemed bizarre to me that he was so messed up then a few months later was fine. He was not very verbal about what he had done to fix it. I heard him MBing in the bathroom a few times before we got it on, so maybe he just managed to do that a lot in order to already be on his second go before we had sex. But to be honest it was pretty gross to hear that.

I've heard there are exercises, but frankly the whole thing seemed to me at the time like control issues or something.

This guy wasn't a PA afaik nor did he gawk at other women, but he was very controlling and very high-strung. I think he had issues with women for sure. I could blame the PE on anxiety, but I think his anxiety stemmed from his issues with intimacy and women.

We ended up breaking up in the end cause he was just a die-hard perv around me. He couldn't stop slipping in icky stuff into every single conversation, trying to convince me to do things I wasn't interested in, slipping in a few porny moves, the works. He was sneaky.

I think these guys with these pervy issues don't have to be PA's to just have problems with sex and women. I never found porn in this guy's place and believe me I looked, nor did he mention watching it. But he had some completely retard pervyness going on where I think the whole "naughtiness" of a sexual encounter just caused him to lose it entirely (and ejaculate) and the whole idea that he wasn't supposed to lose it caused him to feel "naughty" thereby guarnteeing that he'd lose it immediately. Imagine having sex with a frotteur or a peeping tom and you get the vibe here. Also, this guy was a doctor so you'd think he would have been intelligent enough to have it together, but nope.

[zerotolerance]

If he's mb 5x a week, he has a serious problem imo, and I'd bet he uses p as his enhancement "tool". p/mb together and/or individually definately cause erectile and all sorts of sexual, and mental, dysfunction imo. If you don't want to get involved with someone who has these issues, then it sounds like this is not the right guy for you. When they condition their arousal to p repeatedly, then eventually that's all they will be able to get erect for. Since my h's works for p, he don't think it's broken, but it is because our sexuality wasn't designed to be solo, with or without pics. Solosexuals and pornosexuals, don't work right in hetro relationships. They may think they are still hetro but they've train themselves to be solo or porno instead imo.

[keepmetogether]

I asked him if he uses P while he MB and he said he doesn't. I didn't find P on his computer either...not that he couldn't be removing it or have it hidden somewhere.. I believe him when he says these things too and we all know how we can just tell sometimes when someone is lying....

I think he definitely has issues with intimacy. He has told me he has commitment issues and is "bad" at relationships.. I told him "way to sell yourself" and in our conversations about it, he describes "bad at relationships" as being inconsiderate, nothing about cheating or the like... I think his fear of commitment stems from fear that they will lose who they are.

I just have never had to deal with PE and uh...yeah it sucks...

[lee1234]

I dated someone with PE in high school. We didn't have sex, but he would ejaculate when we were making out. It was really gross and awkward. Literally, it would happen, he'd clean himself up (fully clothed, mind you) and then a few minutes later if we started kissing again, he'd ejaculate again. Needless to say the relationship didn't last long, but after we broke up he spread all kinds of rumors that we'd had sex. Ummm, maybe he had sex, but I was just kinda there, fully clothed and certainly no touching or penetration of any kind. Wierd and quite pervy....

[keepmetogether]

I'm not sure that he is pervy I think he's just a guy with PE for whatever reason. He was seeing a dr about it but stopped going because he was sexually active. I hope it gets better or he starts seeing his dr again...because ... it's not very cool. I just thought to bring it up here because I have been coming here for over a year and wondered if it might be related. I guess I am paranoid to an extent but it sure seems like there are so many guys with PA...

[lee1234]

I guess not all people with PE are pervy, just the only experience I've had with it. Sorry for hijacking your thread! Our therapist said the number is something like one out of three have excessive use of p. That is disturbing! I hate to think of my marriage not working out. I don't think I could EVER date again. I never want to go through this mess again!

[hugs4u002]

keepmetogether, what are you doing??? you have all kinds of red flags and you are ignoring them......you don't need to figure things out, you need to GET OUT before you are in over your head again. You will no when it is right, imo, no red flags until that time........next.

[keepmetogether]

Oops I meant to say he stopped going because he WASN'T sexually active... Now that he is (or should be with me) I hope he goes back. I know what you mean Hugs.. I see some red flags but will stick around cautiously to be sure he's not just ...you know...

Lee- I don't think you hijacked my thread. I like all kinds of insight..