nng
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by nng on Dec 16, 2007 21:48:15 GMT -5
I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and have known for nearly the whole time that he looked at P nearly everyday. After a couple of months, I asked him to stop. He said he would, but I know that he has not because of internet history and other things such as walking in while he was in the middle . I have talked to him several times and he always says that he is trying but it is getting harder and harder to believe, especially because it is ongoing and does not seem to decrease. Recently, I discovered that he was looking at P on the computer while I was sitting on the couch about 6 feet away from him (his computer is turned so that I can't see the screen unless I am behind his chair). I got very upset, we fought, and he tried to make it sound like he "accidentally" got onto the website, but today, I saw that he had done it yet again and had downloaded and watched several videos while I was nearby as well (he does not know that I know this) He always tells me that he doesn't really need it, but is just used to it because he has been looking at it for so many years. He just won't admit that it is a problem! I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know any way to show him how serious I am about this problem. I am so close to resorting to physical pain on myself to show him how much he is hurting me every time he does this What should I do??
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renate
Junior Member
Posts: 86
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Post by renate on Dec 16, 2007 22:12:34 GMT -5
First off, know that it has nothing to do with you. Physically harming yourself will benefit NO ONE! (he probably wouldn't get the point anyway).
You'll probably not want to hear my suggestion, but I'm going to offer it anyway: get out of the relationship. You're not married, you don't have any kids, you don't have to struggle through this by choice. If I knew that it wasn't ever going to get better or any easier, I would have ended my relationship 9 years ago. I always thought he'd get better and that he quit when he was more secure about our relationship.
I don't have a story of hope, but I know that I lost myself for way too many years because of his addiction. That's not a sacrifice I'd be willing to make again.
See if you can get him to look into counseling or a 12-step group. If he hasn't hit rock-bottom, he probably won't be willing to admit to a problem though. You can't fix him, he has to want to change and be willing to do the work.
I guess I don't know what else to say, other than, I feel your pain. you have a right to feel the way you do.
Put yourself and your well-being first. Take care of you!!!
((nng))
renate
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Post by lee1234 on Dec 16, 2007 22:46:54 GMT -5
I second that opinion. This is a HUGE problem. Unless he is willing to admit it, he won't change. He'll just get better at hiding it. Get out now before marriage and children come into the picture. Find a non-porn addict to be with. Life will be much, much better!
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kianna
Junior Member
Posts: 62
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Post by kianna on Dec 17, 2007 10:38:05 GMT -5
This will not show him the pain. It will give him more ammo to use against you mentally. It would help his cause to be able to say that he is normal and you are not because...... Even though we SO's understand your feelings, you WILL NOT benefit from this and even if you do, it would only be temporary.
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