|
|
Post by anon0720 on Dec 15, 2007 15:53:21 GMT -5
I am happy with him for one thing however.He has finally admitted he has a problem with porn. I dont believein it so I asked him to stop. Several times .... I was lied to and found it and we have almost called off our wedding so many times. I dont know what to expect. I dont know how often he did it, just that he did. The problem came from the constant lying to me about not doing it. I asked him to respect me and he just couldn't. We have a son together and risked losing it all so many times. I believe he wants to be a better person. He wants to get help - finally.
|
|
|
|
Post by completelydone on Dec 15, 2007 16:47:44 GMT -5
Whatever your problems are when you are dating will only multiply once you are married. So, before you say, "I do.", you better make sure he's "done", and healed of whatever caused him to be addicted to start with.
As far as the hate goes, who can blame you? Don't stay that way though, or it will hurt you, not him.
Take care,
CD
|
|
|
|
Post by LookingUp on Dec 15, 2007 18:51:11 GMT -5
Since he's admitted he has a problem - what is his plan to reverse that problem?
I agree with CD - they have their best foot forward during dating - but it often gets worse after they have the legality of marriage. One male counselor told me that addict men have a to-do-list and on that list is "get a wife" and when they put the check mark beside that for accomplishing that "chore", then they can put the wife and her feelings and needs aside and do other things on their list.... like "get high". I thought that was disgusting thing for a man to say - but it certainly explains a lot.
LookingUp
|
|
|
|
Post by anon0720 on Dec 16, 2007 15:10:52 GMT -5
His plan I guess is to get help.... Obviously, lol. I know he wants to look into some online support groups (this would be a great place to start) and he is open to counselling. I hate him for what he does/ did? but I don't hate him. He is a wonderful man, partner and father.... except that he lost my trust so many times lying to me about stopping watching porn. And he flirts with "friends..." online... and that really hurts too. He has lost my trust and I do want us to both work as hard as we possibly can to regain it and have the wedding follow thru. I know we would both be making a huge mistake if we went thru with it while we are dealing with what we are right now. I have hope... I love him. But da**it I hate the lying and the sneaking.
|
|
|
|
Post by zerotolerance on Dec 16, 2007 16:45:01 GMT -5
I think I "got checked off" the list too. That's an interesting, and probably sadly accurate, way to descirbe it. My h started acting differently THE DAY we got married. It wasn't sudden and all at once on everything like some describe. But there were noticiable changes from that day forward. Subtle and various things that were previously hidden from me prior to marriage. He couldn't keep up the preformance anymore per se. And I became more aware or more of them as I became more affected by them.
If you think he doesn't respect you now, you can expect that he will respect you even less once he thinks he "owns" you perminately imo. Your best chance of fixing it is now, before you get married. It will save you both a LOT of heartache, and soul ache, and mental anquish, later. And imo, the most loving thing we can do is NOT enable them by tolerating it, and saying "okay then", and keep letting em get away with having both. Because it not only messes them up more, and keeps em stuck immature, it also damages us in ways we can't even begin to imagine until we're too deep in it, and too damaged to be as effective.
|
|
