yet... another D-Day...pff

[premiumgirl]

Well....
Once again i had that feeling in my gut. I was feeling something was not right. When we were having sex he didn't have a hard on the whole time, difficult having orgasm and all that crap... I hate this! I just knew porn was back in his life... our life...
The funniest thing about this is when i found an incomplete file in his computer 2 days ago... "rape" something he sad "NOWAY I'm gonna take (expletive) i didn't do" weird... we live just the two of us and I bought it. He sad I would never lie to you and i don't know how this got there... hmmmmmm.... well, I know! We have net-nanny and he was complaining about not getting to download p2p files and i was like oh well he has been such a good "boy" the last 2 months why not show some trust and open for it... and that is what i get! Well, the trust is out the window now... he is back on ground zero in my books. Hate the lies. They hurt the most.

Anyway... Christmas around the corner and spending time with family and i feel crappy. I feel ugly and abandoned. I feel so alone in this world since you guys are the only ppl i talk about this to. I read your problems and connect them to mine.

But one thing... i know he downloaded Lime wire that filthy INTERNET crap which is nothing but porn and very disgusting things... and his search word was "rape"................... it makes me sick!! Why do you think he is looking for that? He is so loving and caring. Also we had this talk about a guy that is called Tom the rapist and he sad "wow if i had a nick name like that i would flee country" so this makes no sense to me. It would not either make sense to me to look for other stuff there....... i want him to just want me....................

premium girl

[zerotolerance]

It makes sense to me, the last part anyway. Why does he say he'd "flee the country and go on about it like that? why that is a BLANTANT DIVERSION imo. It's a twist on a lie by omission, it's an opposite like factor of preceeding any possiblities of the truth becoming apparant, by PREplanting a lie, per se, and/or looking for things you agree on to point out, rather than just being honest. That way they can pretend they aren't "lying" evidently. If you think, that he thinks, TOM the Rapist is repulsive, (like he knows you think already, BECAUSE YOU ARE HONEST), then you are FAR less likely to think HE is into rape, rape p, or a rape lover, endorser, supporter, user, etc....
But the effect on us, of that TOTAL LACK of HONEST communication is CONFUSION galore. It's a Jekell and Hyde thingy. It's mind blowing.
And the very idea that it just magically appeared is one ofthe most blantant forms of GAS-LIGHTING, Crazy-making, CRAZY LYING ever witnessed imo! You'll have to find the thread where we're keeping track of ALL the SILLY excuses we've heard. And the funny part is it's so obvious, yet they can't see it. Ye-ah right, we're suppose to believe that strangers are coming into the house, and p-ng, and who knows what else, and they aren't even concerned enought to change a lock. lol!!!!!! ROFL!!!!! Yea-ah SUUUUURRRREEE!!!! They give themselves away EVERY TIME with the utter stupidity of what they throw out there suggesting as potential alternatives to what actually happened. And my fav is the one where "I did it but evidently I just don't remember". That's not even a good projection, because we both know who did it, and he dang sure REMEMBERS it WAS HIM!!!

[premiumgirl]

wow... this makes me really scared.... you think they do it unconsciousness? or you think it is all prepared lies...... i mean like the rape thing...

not "i rly don't know how it got there" LOL that is silly its like "my dog ate it" excuse.

They should teach us women 101 the mail brain in schools hehe so simple but yet so..... frustrating

[zerotolerance]

My h acts like the "shoemakers elves" must have come in the middle of the night. He's blamed the kids, the neighbors kids, me, etc.... It's always stupid and ALWAYS OBVIOUS it was HIM. It is bizarre though isn't it? It's like they think if they say it, then that makes it so. AS IF! But I guess as long as we believe it, then that makes it so, enough for them or something weird like that. huh?