My superpower...more of a curse, really

[hurtandlonely]

After almost two months P and MB-free (at least that's what he claims) my SO MB'd Tuesday. I asked him what was up, because my intuition was on full-force. I knew something was going on, and had been feeling it coming for days. That same day, I asked and he admitted to MBing.

This intuition thing is crazy. Like a superpower, but it only works with bad news.

He says that he didn't look a P, but admits to looking at pics of women in g-strings and bikinis. So now he's just substituting. He is adamant that he didn't look at it for the purposes of MBing, but I don't believe him.

This sucks.

[hugs4u002]

Dear HurtandLonely, IMO (whatever that means) if you read p/a support board many guys stear clear of bikini pics because it hi jacks their recovery.......g-strings leave little to the imagination, I mean really, a piece of dental floss up their butts, they may as well be naked. If he is m/b to it it is porn.
And I know what you mean about the intuition thing...I have never been wrong yet!

[zerotolerance]

He says that he didn't look a P, but admits to looking at pics of women in g-strings and bikinis. So now he's just substituting.

He's not substituting, he's just still p-ng. A tiny scrap of fabric up someone's butt is not clothing whatsoever. Did these images just fall out of the sky, or did he SEEK them? It's the behavior, and the attitude, tmore than then any particular images that are the problem. I don't care if he's looking at red shoes, if they motivate him to arousal, and/or mb, IT'S PORN!

And our intuition works for both bad and good, but since they are stuck on mostly bad behavior only, it seems like the bad is all we every get.

It does feel like a super power though, doesn't it? I know things I can't explain. I hear things in the language our collective souls. It's the real information superhwy imo, the emotional superhighway, the spiritual superhighway. We don't have to doubt what we learn from this one though, because it's not full of spoofs, and or companies, nor anyh hidden agendas. The only agenda is PURE TRUTH IMO. I know it feels like a curse. I thought that too, for a long tim, but that part is only a stage that we go through as we learn to master using our intuitive skills imo. Eventually we come to see it for the blessing it really is and trusting it helps us reagain the ability to trust our own ability to make good decisions again.

Driving back from the dentist today, I thought how far from grace we(mankind) have fallen, because I think if we were functioning properly, using all our senses, and all our imput, as God designed us, then I think we'd all be operating with this super power intuition. It's just that they turn theirs off by going against their souls with p/mb, and then teach us to turn ours off too, or we're ALL taught to never turn it on. Crazy making is how ours gets damaged to begin with imo. At first we believe our intuition, then they feed us a line of bull, and then we start to doubt our intuition. Often going with their view instead of what our soul was trying to tell us, and that messes us up BIG TIME! That's how we grow our own soul holes.

I'm sorry your SO is still choosing to cheat. I know that hurts you really bad. I'm sorry he is blind to his own ignorance, and making excuses, rather than dealing with his dysfunction.
I'm glad you listened to your intuition though, and I'm glad you know the truth of this matter now. I doubt you know it all though, because I doubt that he is even capable of being honest with himself yet, much less you. But you don't need him to tell you now, because your soul knows, and it won't shut up until you deal with it. Mine sure won't, that's for sure. And even though it feels like a curse, it is really a blessing in disquise. You just need to keep honing it, and learn how to use it better, and not let it get you soo distraught . We have to learn to embrace the truth, no matter how much we also hate it.

[AmazingGrace]

It does suck, I know. Whenever my "superpower" would kick in & I'd find my semi-recovering SO in inappropriate behavior, I was grateful that it had cued me into it. But now that he's doing better, my "superpower" sometimes returns, and it's often just paranoia. I still use it, though, to realize that I'm feeling disconnected from him (or he may be beginning to feel disconnected from me) and we try to do something about it.

You say you had been "feeling it coming" for days. Maybe the next time this happens you can use the opportunity to mention that to him. Just tell him you feel that he's treating you differently or things are weird between the two of you, and see if the two of you can find a way to reconnect emotionally/friendship wise.

I hated my SO's slips, but at least that "superpower" let me know something was up, we talked about it, discussed methods he could use to avoid those temptations, attitudes, or situations in the future, and move on.

[liss2402]

To date, my "superpower" has not been wrong.
For years i just ignored it - although not anymore.
Like AmazingGrace, i am starting to use it more as a reminder that h & i are both working through this and, when he starts to pull away a bit, we make some time to discuss whatever it is that is bothering him (or me; my insecurities will set it off too).

I am glad your SO admitted to mbing; in the past my h would deny, deny, deny; so the fact he admitted it means he at least has some honesty with you.

Like the others though, i tend to think women in bikinis are p - if he sought them out, he's just substituted one thing (hard core p) he knows you object to with something that "perhaps", in his mind anyway, would be more acceptable to you.

Good Luck and keep tuned in to that superpower; it's there to protect you.

[completelydone]

Well, I'm glad you figured out what your "super power" was telling you. Years before d day I knew something wasn't right, but I just couldn't put my finger on it, and of course, he didn't admit to anything.

Hugs to you,
CD

[realthing]

intuition is such a strange thing. i kicked my h out 2 months ago now, but since kicking him out i've had a feeling that i would find p in the loft as i never go up there. anyway i have no ladders so i never went up. on sunday my h came up and i asked him to get some christmas things from the loft for me. at first i stood there while he went up 'cos i wanted to be there when he came across the p but i decided - hey wot do i care - he'll see it and it will be a reminder to him of everything he has lost for it - so i just left the house. when i came home that day (as he had the day with the kids) i seen him empty the kitchen bin (:-) he never does this without being asked). anyway i knew the p would be in the outside bin so this morning as i was passing it i just couldn't help but look and sure enough there was a collection of p mags :-) i phoned him to let him know i had found them - but here is the good bit - i just wasn't bothered by it - like i told him it is his thing and now i'm not with him i don't care - and that my only concern is that he keep this (expletive) away from my kids and if i ever find out he has exposed them to it again i will be reporting him to the social work department (and he knows i mean it). isn't it great though that i wasn't bothered by this - if i had found this before we split it would have been devastating for me - but now it's his problem! when i was with him my compulsion to check places for evidence of p matched his compulsion to use it - it just feels like a relief now that ok although i still looked that it had no effect!
(and by the way he was still lying about it - of course it wasn't his :-)

[zerotolerance]

Why of course it wasn't his!!!

We ALL know who put it there.

drumroll please......

It was the P Fairy.

lol!!!

I swear it's like they expect us to believe in Santa Claus, the P-fairy version of santa claus. AS FREAKING IF!!! What an idiot!

It just goes to show ya, you did the right thing, he's still lying for p, and he's still lying about p. So he obviously still doesn't get it yet! I'd bet he probably put some of it in the bin, knowing you would look maybe, and he also probably took some of it with him too.

[zerotolerance]

I love my intuition now. Although there have been times I hated it. We have to embrace it rather than fight it. We have to believe it, rather than trying to find ways to make it not true. We have to learn to use it, without allowing others LIES to cause us to question it. You used yours well, you knew it was there, so you didn't need to go see for yourself this time. That's a good thing. That's trusting your intuition. And then opening the bin was just validating it further. Hone it, because we have it for the purpose of protecting us, not hurting us.

[mo4wo1]

Intuition is a sweet blessing gift. Too bad we have to waste it on (expletive)! (Pardon my French, please.)

I heard once that your intuition is G*d whispering in your ear.

I like that saying.

[liss2402]

I heard once that your intuition is G*d whispering in your ear.

how aptly put mo, I'm going to print that one out and stick it on my wall as a reminder to ensure i listen.

[mo4wo1]

You can thank Oprah for that one, lol.

[zerotolerance]

I like that too, but when I read it, I thought, God doesn't whisper in my ear anymore. Now he SCREAMS it at me. lol!!!