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Post by megan11 on Dec 14, 2007 18:56:21 GMT -5
Ok, while i am here i might as well get this out too. I am very nervous about this pending talk, thats why it was so easy for me to go to sleep. When he brought the subject up we were on the phone and he was at work, i asked if i wanted to know anymore... He said i already saw all he looked at and where he was online, he just wanted to tell me and try to explain where he was in his thinking while doing all of this. I asked if he could just do it on the phone then, he said No, he didnt feel it was right after all if i feel the need to throw a shoe at him he will be here to recieve the shoe. I told him i didnt feel like wanting to throw shoes to just tell me on the phone and he said its nothing i didnt already see and maybe its just something he needs to do for himself more than to do it for me. So i am nervous. Nervous about the talk and i think even more nervous that he is talking, and even more nervous that when i was venting he didnt react with guilt, anger, he just listened and said venting is fine.
This is NEW TO ME, i dont know how to take it, really, i dont. Too much change in too little time? Not a bad change in too little time? (Well he is fully aware he doesnt have time on his side, but still) So i am nervous.
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 14, 2007 18:58:22 GMT -5
I'm reminded of words that spoke to me last night in worship (from Romans 5:3-5, FYI; don't know if you go in for Christianity or not....but whether you do or not, these are some powerful words):
...we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us...
I am wishing you and your family well. Jinn
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 14, 2007 19:05:39 GMT -5
Megan....We cross-posted. I don't know if this will help or not (take what you want and leave the rest), but this is new territory to him, and he's got to be petrified. So here you are, two nervous people who love each other, dealing with a monster of an addiction that has stripped you of your confidence in your very self.....and has stripped your husband of part of his humanity and betrayed your-all's love. I hope he can speak honestly and cleanly, confess whatever he needs to confess and then be there for you and the family. He *can* beat this addiction; he can turn his face toward the sun, and you are strong and lovely, and--no matter what--you *will* be okay. I'm holding you & your family in thought tonight. J
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Post by megan11 on Dec 15, 2007 0:49:04 GMT -5
Hopeful my a-- I am leaving with my kids in the am. 5 hrs to be exact. He is a loser and he doesnt and never has deserved any of us.
So thats how it all went.
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 15, 2007 7:11:45 GMT -5
I stand by my words: you are strong and lovely and, no matter what, you (and your children) WILL be okay. If that hope is the hope of a saner, more loving, healthier life *without* him, than so be it. I wish you well, and am holding you and your family in thought today.
((((megan11))))
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Post by completelydone on Dec 15, 2007 9:16:12 GMT -5
Hopeful my a-- I am leaving with my kids in the am. 5 hrs to be exact. He is a loser and he doesn't and never has deserved any of us. So thats how it all went. Hopeful for your new life then! I hope you have hope for your new life? (((Megan))) You come back and get support for your transition, OK? Take care, CD |
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 15, 2007 9:30:53 GMT -5
Oh Megan
I hate this damned rollercoaster!
Bless you.
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Post by truthorlie on Dec 15, 2007 9:38:11 GMT -5
Be careful with the feelings that may visit you of wanting to reconcile. They are common to almost all of us. When we leave, we will reach a point of missing what we thought we could have had. We will be without the relationship - even though it was HELL, but we miss it non-the-less. And fight through that. The reason that lots of women go back to their abusive husbands? Because they miss what they lost - even though what they lost was CRAP. Be careful. You will get through it. I visit a website regarding divorce that talks about leaving, or losing a partner through death, etc. It IS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL THINGS A HUMAN BEING WILL EVER EXPERIENCE IN THEIR LIVES, but the pain does diminish and will eventually go away. Don't give up the chance to live a wonderful life WITHOUT ALL THIS P CRAP because you "miss him". Get over it. And then get over it some more and then some more and pretty soon there is no more getting over it or him because it will not be there in your heart like it used to be. Ever taken on a challenge in your life that you thought would be difficult? Prepare yourself that this may be more difficult than all of those challenges combined. But YOU CAN DO THIS. Others have done it before you and because of this, you know you can do it also. www.divorcerecovery101.com/site_map.html(((((( Hugs )))))) |
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Post by megan11 on Dec 15, 2007 18:44:15 GMT -5
I am still here, he can get the F out! Well i found out why it is that hes so happy when he coemes home from OUR marriage councel appt, its because since i have only had to go for the first 2 sessions he has made our councellor believe that i am irrational, and i fly off the handle!!!!!! Some F'ing sh-t! He stabs me in the back, twists the knife with his P/MB/MB to my Cousin/ and Myspace and THEEEEEEEN has the nerve to go and make this guy who doesnt know me from crap, to believe that H has it so hard because of me. And my H allows him to talk of me like this because after all i am SH_T! Can someone say BLAMESHIFTING"  ? I am besides myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to "fly off the handle" and become "irrational" and see how H likes it because i am NOT leaving this house that WE just bought 6 months ago. He doesnt deserve it or anything! He will LEAVE or we will congtinnue here till one of us kills eachother but i am not going ANYWHERE! |
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Post by megan11 on Dec 15, 2007 18:45:28 GMT -5
Miss irrational is in the house and is STAYING in her house! Its easier for one to leave than it is for 3 anyway, bye bye H, dont let the door hit you on the way out!
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Post by megan11 on Dec 15, 2007 18:48:39 GMT -5
And the room is NOT painted! S-head...
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Post by Mayberry on Dec 16, 2007 8:33:26 GMT -5
You don't sound irrational in the least, but you already knew that, didn't you?  (((((megan11))))))) |
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Post by megan11 on Dec 16, 2007 12:52:12 GMT -5
I know i am not irrational, I am dealing with everythig the best way i know how too with no help except this board. I wasnt handed the therapist, SAA meetings, Books and Prozac on a silver platter, my H was. I handed everything too him, aside from the prozac, if i could have i would have kept that for myself, lol
I personally dont care what this idiot marriage councellor says about me and explained that to H. When this councellor talked about me like i was an over excited dog that needed a traquelizer, it should have clicked in my H head that the statment is not right, that i am HURT and hurting bad, not brushed off. I am pissed at my H for his lack of care about me with that comment that was made TO him.
My H has started his shutting down crap again, i am sick and tired. When he shuts down he acts and says thing that a ten year old would say. He has pity parties that a so banging that he could just party for days! (I am invited but delcline every invitation) I hate this roller coaster life of mine.
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iambetrayed
Full Member
So afraid to love you, more afraid to lose, Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose ...
Posts: 153
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Post by iambetrayed on Dec 16, 2007 13:50:43 GMT -5
(((((megan))))) You are right - there really isn't any reason why you and the kids should be uprooted when he is the problem. And heres a huge question - suppose you were the biggest irrational bit... on the planet (I am not saying that you are, but just suppose) - then in your marriage counsellors eyes that would be an appropriate reason for a grown man to spend his time using p/mb? ? Huh? ?? Hugs to you sweetie. I am so sorry that you are going through this - especially when you were so cautiously optimistic. And with the holidays here. Take care of yourself and your babies. You deserve so much better than this treatment. |
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Post by completelydone on Dec 17, 2007 15:25:09 GMT -5
(((((megan))))) You are right - there really isn't any reason why you and the kids should be uprooted when he is the problem. And heres a huge question - suppose you were the biggest irrational bit... on the planet (I am not saying that you are, but just suppose) - then in your marriage counselors eyes that would be an appropriate reason for a grown man to spend his time using p/mb? ? Huh? ?? Hugs to you sweetie. I am so sorry that you are going through this - especially when you were so cautiously optimistic. And with the holidays here. Take care of yourself and your babies. You deserve so much better than this treatment. What she said. ((((((Megan)))))), You deserve so much better than the way he is treating you. I'm glad you've decided to move on. Take care, CD |
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