Post by kello2005 on Dec 12, 2007 12:16:21 GMT -5
Wow...how the roller coaster of emotions continues to run! I am so hot and cold, so on and off. I am doing the workshop on recoverynation and things are starting to click and make sense. I'm sure I will continue to struggle and by no means am I saying that he or I are close to being fine.
But ya know what? I'm really proud of him. For a week now (since his last slip) he has really been dedicated to recovery. He's on the board posting away, doing his workshops and writing little notes to himself in a little pocket journal he carries around. He's been actively communicating with me...not getting riled up when I get upset, just staying calm trying to comfort me (this was a big issue for us - him getting mad just cuz I got mad). Over the weekend, which is when he would normally skip the workshop, he actually did them and asked me a few times for clarification on the questions, tried to get my input and then shared everything about the workshop with me. He's started doing this every day...telling me about the workshop he did and what he learned from it...and HE brings it up b/c I said i wasn't going to anymore.
On the recoverynation board, one of the coach's advised me to focus on positives for the next 2 weeks. Just try and focus on the positives of the relationship and really really try and distance myself from his addiction. I have the tendency to micro manage every aspect of his recovery - but I know that it isn't healthy and he needs to just do it himself. It's been so EMPOWERING to not check his stuff, to not guilt trip him or act suspicious. It's been such a great feeling. Mind you, this is because I can see his sincerity at this point.
I've started to notice that positive begets positive. Since the cloud of doom lifted he's actually started engaging me in positive conversations. He talks through our little arguments and we come out ok on the other side. It's almost as if we learning...say it ain't so!
Either way, I figured it's just as beneficial to share our great days too...gotta have some hope!
And I also wanted to say how much I appreciate this board and all of you wonderful women...don't know what I'd do without you!! It feels so comforting when you write something and then someone writes you back saying they feel the exact same way. It's also nice when people kinda kick your butt back into reality:)
((((all of you))))
But ya know what? I'm really proud of him. For a week now (since his last slip) he has really been dedicated to recovery. He's on the board posting away, doing his workshops and writing little notes to himself in a little pocket journal he carries around. He's been actively communicating with me...not getting riled up when I get upset, just staying calm trying to comfort me (this was a big issue for us - him getting mad just cuz I got mad). Over the weekend, which is when he would normally skip the workshop, he actually did them and asked me a few times for clarification on the questions, tried to get my input and then shared everything about the workshop with me. He's started doing this every day...telling me about the workshop he did and what he learned from it...and HE brings it up b/c I said i wasn't going to anymore.
On the recoverynation board, one of the coach's advised me to focus on positives for the next 2 weeks. Just try and focus on the positives of the relationship and really really try and distance myself from his addiction. I have the tendency to micro manage every aspect of his recovery - but I know that it isn't healthy and he needs to just do it himself. It's been so EMPOWERING to not check his stuff, to not guilt trip him or act suspicious. It's been such a great feeling. Mind you, this is because I can see his sincerity at this point.
I've started to notice that positive begets positive. Since the cloud of doom lifted he's actually started engaging me in positive conversations. He talks through our little arguments and we come out ok on the other side. It's almost as if we learning...say it ain't so!
Either way, I figured it's just as beneficial to share our great days too...gotta have some hope!
And I also wanted to say how much I appreciate this board and all of you wonderful women...don't know what I'd do without you!! It feels so comforting when you write something and then someone writes you back saying they feel the exact same way. It's also nice when people kinda kick your butt back into reality:)
((((all of you))))
