Post by cindyandben on Dec 11, 2007 20:01:47 GMT -5
This last Sunday, our minister (is it ok to talk about our faith communities in this forum?) stood up at our congregational Christmas dinner and announced good news and bad news; the good news was that the deacons had arranged a beautiful table for us, but the bad news was that the 'guest of honor', a roast pig from the Italian Market section of town (think Rocky Balboa doing his runs and punching practice) was lost somewhere on the way. The pig arrived an hour late, but we were all happy to partake of it, and it was sinfully good, stuffed with rosemary and lots of garlic.
I feel that way today; there's good news and bad news. The good news is that my husband wants to go to an SA meeting and is concerned about having appeared once or twice and then 'disappearing', although his reasons were entirely for my benefit. I was desperately in need of help to get the house ready for my (extremely critical) mother-in-law and father-in-law to come and babysit while we attended a concert. So I am thrilled that he wants to attend today.
The bad news is that when I tried to discuss with him the whole process of self-examination that is involved in any 12 step program, (based on my observation so far of AA and SA, and SAANon), he blocked out what I was saying so completely that he could not even reflect back to me what I had just said a few seconds previously. He is very intelligent, but he claims not to be a wordsmith of the sort he says I am. However, he managed to find nearly half a dozen ways to say something that sort of sounded a little like what I had said, often dredging up phrasing or points I had tried with him months or years before, in a facile and agile display of verbal improvisation.
And it was all apparently directed at wasting our precious moments of adult time together before the kids are fully awake and capable of understanding our conversation. We were stuck at square one, and - ding ding - time for discussion was up!
Maybe I am being paranoid, but it seems to me that a basic tenet of communication is assuring the other party that you hear and understand them, and repeating back to someone what they have just said to you is a very simple way to signal that we are listening. He is not even able to do that! This discourages me so deeply. And yet, he says he wants to work on our marriage, and wants to not mess things up any more.
I have no idea if he has been doing anything behind my back - He has had hardly any time for sleep, much less self abuse or pornography!
Two insights into addiction have been presented to me; my son is clearly in danger of becoming seriously addicted to online games. These have transformed him into a snarling, dishonest, shirking, rude, oblivious creature most unlike my darling little boy.
a friend is now essentially homeless because of her husband's gamblng addiction. If her daughter chooses not to put them up, they are sunk, having lost 2 homes to the husband's gambling. When he was depressed, he stole a large quantity of money lent by a friend, and then at some point tried suicide ( i think that was to get attention).
These brains are all disordered neurochemically - why is there so little research being done on why people get hooked? We need a Manhattan Project for addiction!
Thank you for listening, and bless you all.
I feel that way today; there's good news and bad news. The good news is that my husband wants to go to an SA meeting and is concerned about having appeared once or twice and then 'disappearing', although his reasons were entirely for my benefit. I was desperately in need of help to get the house ready for my (extremely critical) mother-in-law and father-in-law to come and babysit while we attended a concert. So I am thrilled that he wants to attend today.
The bad news is that when I tried to discuss with him the whole process of self-examination that is involved in any 12 step program, (based on my observation so far of AA and SA, and SAANon), he blocked out what I was saying so completely that he could not even reflect back to me what I had just said a few seconds previously. He is very intelligent, but he claims not to be a wordsmith of the sort he says I am. However, he managed to find nearly half a dozen ways to say something that sort of sounded a little like what I had said, often dredging up phrasing or points I had tried with him months or years before, in a facile and agile display of verbal improvisation.
And it was all apparently directed at wasting our precious moments of adult time together before the kids are fully awake and capable of understanding our conversation. We were stuck at square one, and - ding ding - time for discussion was up!
Maybe I am being paranoid, but it seems to me that a basic tenet of communication is assuring the other party that you hear and understand them, and repeating back to someone what they have just said to you is a very simple way to signal that we are listening. He is not even able to do that! This discourages me so deeply. And yet, he says he wants to work on our marriage, and wants to not mess things up any more.
I have no idea if he has been doing anything behind my back - He has had hardly any time for sleep, much less self abuse or pornography!
Two insights into addiction have been presented to me; my son is clearly in danger of becoming seriously addicted to online games. These have transformed him into a snarling, dishonest, shirking, rude, oblivious creature most unlike my darling little boy.
a friend is now essentially homeless because of her husband's gamblng addiction. If her daughter chooses not to put them up, they are sunk, having lost 2 homes to the husband's gambling. When he was depressed, he stole a large quantity of money lent by a friend, and then at some point tried suicide ( i think that was to get attention).
These brains are all disordered neurochemically - why is there so little research being done on why people get hooked? We need a Manhattan Project for addiction!
Thank you for listening, and bless you all.