Dreaming About MB ???

[iambetrayed]

So we are 10 weeks out from D-Day, husband is in active recovery, hasn't done the p/mb thing in 10 weeks. He has been amazing through this - I know that sounds strange but he is really there for me, on every level in whatever way I need him to be. I have been working through a lot of anger lately, but we had a really great weekend and I am feeling pretty positive about our chances for an eventually healthy marriage.

Anyway, our deal is that if he has a temptation or a struggle of any kind that he will tell me right away. So far there has really not been much - he had a couple of times when he noticed someone and realized that pre d-day he may have objectified them. He says that he has himself on such a high alert that he hasn't been tempted - he doesn't let himself get even close to that point.

So this morning he woke up and told me that he had had a dream about MB. He said he doesn't believe that there was any p involved. My first reaction was - it was just a dream, I appreciate you telling me, it is just your sub-conscious working through all of this. I was glad that he told me right away.

I am not really upset about it - but I just wanted some input. He rarely remembers dreams. Very rarely. He told me that he happened to wake up right after the dream and that he remembered it and felt really disgusted. And of course I know that a person can't control their dreams. I would just like some input from you guys. Should I be worried? Do you think it means anything? My gut feeling is that it isn't a big deal, but I am in such a hyper analyzing mode that I have to wonder.

[chrisnys]

Maybe he's kind of testing the waters with you? You know, trying to gauge your reaction. Be wary. When I read your post, MY gut said, "Oh, this one's trying to find a little crack in the wall." His inner addict may be giving him some nudges in the wrong direction, and if he gets anything from you that could even be remotely construed as a green light, it may be off to the races we go. Who knows? Good luck, and sorry that you're dealing with this.

[cammy]

Hi from the other side of the board. There have been a few threads addressing your question. Lazy me did not go surfing for them. I have had dreams - mostly they are P dreams. I think this has to do with withdrawl. Given your H's time away from usual habits, he may be experiencing the same. You may also find an increased irritability in the future. You may not of course, everybody being different. That H remembered the dream may be because of its emotionally charged content - it woke him up right? If his behaviour is a reflection of my not too distnat history, I'd take it as a good recovery sign.

[iambetrayed]

Maybe he's kind of testing the waters with you? You know, trying to gauge your reaction. Be wary. When I read your post, MY gut said, "Oh, this one's trying to find a little crack in the wall."

I don't think that he is consciously doing this. But I do think that dreams can sometimes be a reflection of thoughts/feelings that we are not allowing to surface. I am confused by the crack in the wall - do you mean that maybe he is trying to find a way to start MBing again? Even if in dreams?

His inner addict may be giving him some nudges in the wrong direction, and if he gets anything from you that could even be remotely construed as a green light, it may be off to the races we go.

What do you think could be construed as a green light? Do you think I should be more upset about it? I am not really sure what you are saying, but I am sure that I do not want to give him any impressions of a green light.

That H remembered the dream may be because of its emotionally charged content - it woke him up right? If his behaviour is a reflection of my not too distnat history, I'd take it as a good recovery sign.

Thanks for a guy's perspective - I do think it woke him. I will have to ask him more details tonight. I would love to take it as a good recovery sign ... but as they say, only time will tell.

[kello2005]

When my SO was quitting smoking he had dreams about smoking. He also had a dream about P and felt guilty about it.

I think it's pretty normal to have dreams about what you're quitting b/c of your subconscious. I think it's really positive that he told you...that's a good first step.

If your gut feeling tells you it's not a big deal - it probably isn't!

[kello2005]

As far as the "green light"...by reacting in a healthy way to his positive disclosure you are NOT giving the green light for him to act out - he knows this I'm sure. What you are doing is giving him the green light to be honest with you.

[unbreakable]

Hope you don't mind input from a PA ...

I rarely write anywhere but my journal, but I saw the title of your thread and had to reply. Frankly I'm reassured that this isn't just me.

Firstly, I find my dreams become much more intense during recovery, more vivid, colourful and easier to remember. For me this is one of the best and worst things about recovery. I love having adventure dreams again, and even frightening dreams sometimes. i hadn't realised I had numbed them until they came back.

However, I got a nasty shock the first time I had a sexual dream during recovery. Because it wasn't about sex, it was about masturbating to porn. I was thoroughly disgusted and really hurt too. I had put a lot of time and effort into sobriety and this felt such a cheap, unfair way to have slipped. because it DID feel like a slip, at least initially on waking up. That feeling went away, but left a strong imprint on my mind and I used in the end as a warning to myself of how badly I had damaged my mind and how far I had to go and how much effort I really had to put in to make this better.

I think it means the 'inner addict' or whatever you're comfortable calling it is desperate. it's looking for any way possible to convince him to slip and frankly it knows it's being beaten.

I don't know if that helped. reading that your husband had experienced what I had, helped me.

[Mayberry]

Hello! I too think it has to do with withdrawal. While some say there's no such thing, I know what we witnessed in our household. The dreams were horrible and the death-rattle of withdrawal really kicked into high gear between weeks 8-12. For a full list of my husband's withdrawal symptoms, there's a link at the bottom of my post in the signature line. Hope that input helps you-all. J

[zerotolerance]

Yea me too. I think it is common symptom of withdrawal. We we block these demons from our concious thoughts, they try to come in the back door of our subconcious and do anything they can to keep p/mb/pain or whatever bad, on our minds. The closer we get to breaking free, the tighter they try to hang on. His mind is playing tricks on him, it's normal for these situations imo. I wouldn't let it bother you. It was just a dream, and so long as he doesn't take action, it should pass imo.

[unbreakable]

Thing is, it kind of strengthened my resolve.

Whilst there was a minute there when I felt hopeless and weak - you know how a dream can almost seem like it was real straight after waking? I felt like I HAD acted out for a few seconds at least - when I cleared my mind and realised the sneaky little trick my (admittedly self inflicted) damaged mind was playing on me I got mad and became more determined than ever to find a way to silence it for good.

Wish your husband luck, sounds to me like he's fighting hard and I hope he can carry on doing so.

[DoneWithIt]

Just adding another PA voice to the choir. I've gone through the exact same thing. There are two parts of the addict's brain fighting for control, and for some reason the addicted part is able to toy with the subconscious pretty easily. When in the early stages of recovery I had frequent dreams of WATCHING and LOOKING for porn. I wasn't dreaming of the porn itself, I was dreaming of the act. The thing that really fascinated me about these dreams though was looking for my reaction to what I was doing in the dream. In the dream did I recoil? Was I bothered by my actions? Those are the time when we can really see our true desires.

[unbreakable]

You know you're right.

I have also had dreams about LOOKING FOR PORN. Not actually seeing anything, not experiencing anything, just dreams about that hunt.

So weird. For me it just proved how badly my brain was wired and made me think how long it must have taken to get my head this tangled.

The process of untangling that mess is very much like trying to unpick knots in balls of string that have lain tangled for years and years. It's frustrating and difficult, but each knot you unpick fills you with this unbelievable sense of relief and believe that one day you'll have untied it all.

[mo4wo1]

H had them. He'd dream he had P but was on an unending & unsuccessful search for a place to use.

I've also had them WRT my a/o experiences. Had a very disturbing one a few nights ago. Not willing to discuss it yet, here, if ever.

I think it's an awesome sign that he's told you about it so freely. Sounds like you two are bonding for him to reach for you, like that.

From all that I have read, "Drug Dreams" are very common in recovery. The dreams can become an excuse to use. But I think his talking to you about it can be a huge help. Maybe it can encourage him to step up his recovery efforts. My dreams have not encouraged me to a/o any but they certainly leave things in my mind that I don't want there. Talking about them helps me.

[iambetrayed]

Thank you everyone

I am so glad that I posted - it never occurred to me that this was something that maybe others in recovery had experienced. I honestly think that I was looking for SOs to caution me. My trust is certainly beginning to come back, but I am constantly reminding myself to be cautious and be on the lookout for any signs of trouble.

At any rate, this is just so interesting. My husband woke up this morning and told me about a very vivid dream that he had last night. Now this is odd for him, because he never really remembers dreams - and this is the second night in a row. This one was completely non-p/mb related. It was pretty detailed, seemed pretty long, and I was "analyzing" it for him this morning. The first part was that he and I were taking a nice drive together at night and a giant meteor crashed nearby, of course causing fires and havoc. Now can you get anymore meaningful than that, considering what we have been through lately? It is so strange. There were other parts too - about his dad, who he feels animosity towards (even moreso these days as he is the one who left the p lying around during h's childhood). I could directly correlate most of it to what has been going on with us lately.

As far as the MB dream, we talked more about it and he says that all he remembers was that he was in the process of doing it (no p or fantasy that he could remember - also no "finish" for lack of a better description) - he woke up and thought for a minute - wait how could that happen? And then realized he was dreaming - much like what one of the guys here had said.

So I am encouraged. My husband has employed every strategy he can possibly think of to not let any of this stuff into his mind these past weeks. He has completely changed his patterns. Looks down or at objects in public places. Looks right into the faces of co-workers, considers them more - as far as thinking of them as actual people (he had a serious problem w/objectifying co-workers). He reads inspirational books. Avoids most TV. Listens to music that we like to listen to together. Takes walks. Prays more than he ever has. He doesn't surf the web at all - only uses the computer for specific tasks like RN. I actually think that he has taken all of this to an extreme, but it is working for right now and he says he can always lighten up later. We spend our evenings together more often and go to bed at the same time (which has been huge for us - so much more time to talk and be together). I know that he has gotten this cr*p out of his conscious mind, so it does make sense that it is sneaking in the back door.

And yes, he is honest with me. It is what is ultimately saving us and giving us a chance. This dream thing - and of course his honesty about it and his reaction to it - have just given me a tiny bit more confidence in him.

[megan11]

Stopping in for a moment to say that my H JUST LAST NIGHT brought up how he used to dream about MB all the time, how he found it odd that he hasnt had this dream in a long time (still claiming to be P/MB free for the past 11 months)
He was telling me alot actually. How he would have dreams about sitting at the kitchen table with all of my family here MB, but nobody could see him sitting at the table.
He used to dream about it alot he said, and it was always with people around but they couldnt see him. I dont know? LOL
I sat and he sat and actually laughed last night about all of it. He confessed all the stupid paranoid things he used to do and think. He would even get out of bed with me to watch tv and mb only to fall asleep on the couch with is thang in his hands, LMAO
He used to rent P and do the same thing at work sometumes in the locker room, all with waking up, P still on and his thang still out and in his hands. I laughed HARD! He was laughing too, dont know if thats a good thing or not but he started the talking and laughing. He would wake up thinking "I hope my wife didnt coem out and see me like this" Or i hope nobody came into the locker room and saw me like this!
I almost peed my pants.