VERY TRIGGERING!!! My confession inside.

[megan11]

[trigger]Ok, The reason why i wanted my H to say my name last night while we had sex is because of a few reasons that i have allowed through the years thinking it was what made him hot in bed, and because i didnt know it was porn related. fantacy, yes, Porn, no.
Ok, this is hard for me BUT i am going to put it out there anyway because i will never allow it again and he will know that today.
When we have sex my husband will and has called me
"b-tch" "Dirty B-tch" His little Wh0re" "His little Sl-t" Last night, i made him say my name and that was hard for him, thats why he couldnt release, i know this because inbetween having to say my name he would use the other names.
I know what the problem was and it was himm having to say my name, that was the problem. he couldnt just think i was some sl-t he was banging. So, he and i will be having a nice little talk tonight and he will be told that i guess sex will be very boring from now on, and he will never release again while with me unless he wipes that crap out of his head.I have been MB into for many years and will NEVER EVER have that done to me EVER again! I hate him for it too.[/trigger]PS, he thinks life is grand and jolly today too. He has no idea whats heading his way. Poor guy...

[mo4wo1]

((((sugar))))

It's hard to do. But I feel good reading that you are going to do another thing to show respect for your own honor.

Belss you,
Mo

[iambetrayed]

Megan - You are doing the right thing by stopping that if it is now making you uncomfortable. You are right to put your foot down and only do what makes you feel good about yourself.

I have to admit, when I read your post I was somewhat shocked that married people would be doing that ... but then I thought , well, as least you had some idea of what was what with him - my H has always said my name, has always been sweet in the s#x department - so you can imagine my utter shock when I found out what he was doing behind my back. So I think that in some ways you are better off.

So if you liked it before, but changed your mind and you are putting your foot down, then good for you. You go girl

[spittingnails]

honey, I'm so sorry! I know what that feels like. I think we put up with it the way we do (or did) because we're taught by p and all the b.s. that in order for US to be interesting in bed we have to accept and even like that kind of treatment. I know that's the way I thought for a while. Wanting intimacy is such a *bad* thing now 'days that women are brainwashed into thinking the opposite of intimacy is what's *hot* and what will keep the excitement in your relationship. What a load of crap!!!! I think you're right in wanting that to change. I hope your sit down with him goes well and he's receptive and understanding of WHY you need this.

[zerotolerance]

We've all done stupid sexual stuff trying to be the "good wife". We learned it ALL wrong too. Plus we make the mistake of listening to them, and thinking we are pleasing them. We're trying to please what we think is JUST them, not all of p culture. We don't connect all the dots back to the p all at one time. But over time, there's this little element, and that little factor, and that thing we can't quite put our finger on, and this part that just doesn't make sense, and the lies, and the lies, and the telling us how we are "suppose" to be, blah, blah, blah. It adds up, and almost all the loose ends lead us back to p eventually. When it is in us, then we HAVE to get it out. But first we have to figure it all out. It's in them too, and often they don't even know it. That's SCARY! huh?

Ya'll wouldn't believe all the crazy things I did while trying to be enough, trying to be the "good wife", so my h wouldn't stray. lol!!! I was one silly girl. I look back, all the time, and I wonder now, "what was I thinking?" How could I ever have been so dumb as to think namecalling was a good idea, or that he cared about me the way I thought, or that I was only a good wife if I did all these crazy man made p things.

Yeah, we all do that stuff. We don't know any better. We do what we are taught to do. We do what we are conditioned to do. We copy what we see in p too. We seek soo hard, to be not "not enough" and they use that to their false advantage.

The things we do, and the way we help, are the ones that hurt us the most in the long run though, so it is very important to stop participating in your own objectification. They don't look at the role playing in the same way we do, too often they aren't playing a role at all, but rather recreating p, which is how they think sex is suppose to be done, and how we think too sometimes.

There is a very thin line between fantasy, and reality though. Like at first, I thought those girls we'rent real, thus they weren't a threat to me. I was real, and they weren't real. Then as he used and abused, they became real, and I became not real. It was like I wasn't even real and the fantasy was/is his fako reality. Then I finally figure out the right view. They are real, and so am I. And that is why it's cheating. That's why it is abuse! That's why our souls get broken! That's a BIG factor in how they get hypnotized by it! And so on and so forth....

You aren't the first person who didn't know, and you won't be the last. Don't beat yourself up about it, just change it now. It's not right to ever refer to women in those terms. They don't ever apply, and they don't ever belong. EVER imo. There's nothing loving or playful about it. It's p culture talking, and p culture has it all wrong. It's a snare we're all caught up in, not just you, not just him, our whole society. We're changing ONE at a time, welcome to the no longer a B club. lol!!!

It's something we all hate knowing too. Who knew we could hate that much? I didn't! And so then we hate the hating taboot. I never hated, like the hate I know now. And getting it out, is a big part of our recovery, so try not to let it grow. Dwell on what you can change now, not the hate parts. We have to process it, but we don't have to cultivate more of it.

And this doesn't mean sex has to be boring. Sex can be far better when all that crap gets out of it. You'll look back and call your most exciting moments so far, BORING then, hopefully. ye-ah!

[megan11]

[trigger]Well, that didnt take long, now did it? See, i just cant sit on something very long at all.
I asked him again when the last time he viewed P was, and MB was and he told me almost a year ago. (as he has been telling me) Then i asked him why it was still so very fresh in his head still? He didnt know what i meant, so i spilled it.
I explained that the things he says to me in bed are the same things he THINKS when MB to P. So, how is it that you are thinking about me when in bed, and how is it that P is still fresh in your mind if you hadnt used it in almost a year? Well, no answer for that other than i havent in a year. And he said i really threw him for a loop with all i told him. Then said in a nice yet joking manner, I guess you dont want to be treated like a P-Star i guess? (Meaning, he got my point) I simply told him, No, I dont. I dont want to have sex with you while you think about doing it to PStars, I dont want to be MB into. (He hasnt said a word since)
I also told him how much i saw making him say my name effected his release. Told him i though it was sad.[/trigger]

[megan11]

Wow, i can actually say that i really feel like throwing up right now.

[susan]

(((megan)))

[kello2005]

(((megan))) You should be proud of yourself for speaking up and standing up for yourself. My SO has called me all the same things your H did and I used to be really into it...just the fantasy part of it. But now, things are different and I didn't change things...he did. So now he has to deal with the fact that he started dating a very s3xually confident woman and has reduced me to now crying during s3x.

It's good that your h got the point.

[completelydone]

(((((((((((((Megan))))))))))))))))))))))),

I am so proud of you for making that decision. MY GOD, lady, do you realize how that man views you? He needs a whole brain makeover. You are nothing to him but a sex object. He is spouting his male superiority complex all over you. He actually believes that he is important, valuable, and superior, and you (you lowly woman) are nothing but a "dump site". How depraved, hateful, low, disturbing, and disgusting!

If he doesn't change the way he views women, he will never be a good man, or free from porn, or a good mate for anyone.

I wish you luck because I have a feeling you're gonna need it,
CD