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Post by witness on Dec 3, 2007 13:37:25 GMT -5
It looks like I will begin seeing a therapist this month. I have heard about two so far. One is a man. The other is a woman. Should I give preference to the man? Or does that not make any difference?
I appreciate your input.
Thanks!
W.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 3, 2007 13:41:43 GMT -5
that depends on you & no one else. No one an decide that for you, nor should they, IMO.
You can ask yourself these questions:
- Do I or have I a/o with women I shared intimate things with?
- Can I tell a woman or a man private, intimate things without feeling "shy", "nervous", "afraid"?
- How does my W feel about my therapist's gender? And do ifeel the need to respect that?
My H is seeing a woman but so am I. Turns out his therapist is just like me. ANd I have met her, too. Asked my own questions.
Personally, I'd probably feel better talking to a man. But I think that may be part of my "problem" so I won't go there, yet.
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Post by ellen38 on Dec 3, 2007 13:47:21 GMT -5
I don't think gender should matter as much as their ability to help you.
mo has a good point, do you have a preference?
Just our experience - our sa therapist was a woman, and my H hated her - because she "symbolized" a man-hating feminist mother-type. Since I didn't "like" her much either, my H and I both decided he should stop going. Any future sa therapist will be a man, I already have a recommended name and #.
Not all therapists are created equal. Finding the right one is always a challenge, imo
good luck,
ellen
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kello2005
Full Member
When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. - Maya Angelou
Posts: 134
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Post by kello2005 on Dec 3, 2007 13:54:27 GMT -5
For me, I feel more comfortable talking with women about my problems. But for my SO...if he had a woman he'd probably spend half the time objectifying her...plus I find men take advice better from men than from women.
It's just a personal choice of which you like better. IMO, I'd go to both once and see which one you feel most comfortable talking with:)
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Post by cindyandben on Dec 4, 2007 11:18:53 GMT -5
My husband's male psychiatrist did not place as much importance on the sexual acting out behaviors that my husband was engaged in 15 years ago as i would have preferred, and we are still in a morass due to his denial of the significance of his disloyalty. I have always felt that there was an awful lot of blaming of me going on. And to make the irony worse, I, myself, picked his therapist, way back then. Heaven knows my husband was too paralyzed with depression to proactively seek out and find a counsellor! Attitude is key, and especially attitude towards these specific behaviors. Good luck to you both.
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Post by witness on Dec 4, 2007 12:35:30 GMT -5
All other things being equal I will probably choose the one who is closer as I don't want to spend an hour each way.
I appreciate the input!
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Post by zerotolerance on Dec 4, 2007 19:25:03 GMT -5
lol!  So who's closer, the man or the woman? A better way to decide might be to meet both, and then see which one you feel most comfortable with and ask yourself why and why not, beside the driving. And credentials should always matter more than gender anyway. But I'm with you, in that I ALWAYS, like the CLOSEST best one, BEST of all. I too, refuse to drive across town to the doctor, when there are others who are just as good, or mabye even better, all along the way. You're just thinking GREEN as in not wanting to waste time, nor gas, nor polute more, right? ROFL!!! Ye-ah! Right.  If you pick the closer one though, we'll expect you not to be coming up with more, or other problems besides the distance, while not wanting to go. You're only gonna get what your "willing to drive to" per se. So you could be giving up some of your griping rights this way imo. lol!! The main criteria should be which one can help you become the BEST husband, for that BEST wife you have over there. ya know.  |
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Post by completelydone on Dec 8, 2007 9:47:46 GMT -5
Pick a therapist that believes in recovery, because God does. What you believe is what you will get.
Take care,
CD
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Post by truthorlie on Dec 8, 2007 12:14:08 GMT -5
Gosh,
Choosing the "easier" path seems to be a rather trivial way to decide your future mental/emotional/marital healh....
Here's a thought - why don't you go back over to the Recovery side and poll all of the SUCCESSFULLY RECOVERED (FORMER) SA/PA'S which/what type of doc helped them through with healing? I'm sure there are tons of recovered SA/PA's that can help and encourage you through your personal recovery through SA or PA.
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