poetry of a frustrated wanker

[ridofmb]

am i a monster? no

then why do people around me see me in a different way?

why do girls stay away from me?

[foreverchanging]

Maybe it's more about how you see yourself

I have only recently discovered the truth about how I view myself. I think self-esteem is a major issue for me. It's difficult for a male, like myself, to admit.

Maybe you should examine yourself carefully to see if it is the same for you.

[fiftyone]

So wheres your poetry ? Your title is misleading!

Interesting question--- do people (women)see you
or the monster in you ?

I have also thought of that... Im not successful with
females, but thats ok, I have the ONE I need and 2 lovely daughters to boot, and few but adoring female friends, so Im doing fine. But its the first contact, the
"feeling" or impressing on others that is different
and probably may have to do with subtle cues of our eyes and our attitudes that is picked up by others...

hinting on the monster showing from inside... ARgh

All the more reasons to starve it to death, as far as I know.

take care and be good,

51

[BlackSpiral]

No poetry, say you? Well, since it's Christmas soon...

It's probably in awful taste, but hey, that's my bag every now and then. There's nothing graphic here, so I hope it's not triggering - but if you're not in a good place, perhaps you should give it a miss.

That said, allow me to present...

=============================
The Night Before Christmas (SA Remix)
=============================

'Twas the night before christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Save me, and my mouse.

My wife was asleep
In the bed up the stairs,
So I knew that I wouldn't
Be caught unawares.

I opened Explorer
And started to browse
For suspicious material
To get me aroused.

I knew that I shouldn't,
That I should be strong,
My stomach was knotted.
I knew it was wrong.

But my head was full up
With ideas for the crime;
I just couldn't resist.
What the hell. One last time.

I finished up quickly
And started to clean -
There's a reason there's Kleenex
Beside my machine.

I hurried upstairs
And laid softly to bed,
Then I started to wish
That I'd stayed there instead.

I tossed, and I turned,
And I felt really sick;
I prayed that the morning
Would just turn up quick.

It seemed like forever,
But then it was here;
The morning of joy,
And a day of good cheer.

My wife and my kids
Were all filled with delight;
But I couldn't forget
What I'd done the last night.

I said 'Not again!
No more failures! No more!'
And I meant every word
Of the oath that I swore.

That night I lay down
With the woman I married,
And felt every ounce
Of the guilt that I carried.

I could stop feeling bad, though.
I did know one way -
If I just crept downstairs,
It could all go away.

So when she was asleep,
I slipped out through the door
And headed on down
To the PC once more.

Then I hunted for something
To bury my sorrow -
One last time, just one.
And then I'll quit tomorrow.

©BlackSpiral Bad Taste Productions, 2004.

(BlackSpiral puts on his hard helmet, locks himself in the bunker, and waits...)

[fiftyone]

Hi Blacksipiral .. hi folks!

This is my post number 100.! some sort of "kick it up a notch" I guess... Or just a number.

Ahh this Michigan weather, its cold and so white with snow outside on the former green garderns, and its getting dark at four o clock, and its feeling like Christmas and im missing my loved ones...

But im fine. Im going out anyway, because the monster is getting restless. And I do have CDs to return to the main Library...

For all of you guys out there world wide, I want to share this poem I made. Its all about denial, and comes from deep inside. Enjoy!

Don’t deny it

Bring this denial forward,
“Don’t exclude your self”, I said.
I heard with my senses, these words in the air
Or were they in a dream?

And relentlessly they came,
But I did not listen.
My fear was my denial, hidden
In disguise of myself.

And I took to hiding
My precious revelation, now
Known only to me,
And my dear true self.

My eyes were open but
I did not see.
My ears were attentive,
But I could not hear, for
I was hiding from myself,

Within myself and inside my denial,
I did not want to accept it,
Being really me.

(c) Fiftyone productions.

[truthorlie]

bump

[capillarian]

BlackSpiral, I hear Danny Elfman's been trying to buy the rights of that poem from you for three years ;D.

Thanks for the bump, truthorlie; the public deserves to see this thread!

[BlackSpiral]

Fancy this ole thing coming back up again! Once upon a time I used to write actual poems. You know, the serious stuff, full of colourful allegory and prose. I started writing this sort of thing roughly at the point that I realised I couldn't take myself seriously anymore. Dunno if that's an improvement or not, mind...

[sparksilence]

I know the feeling too , Girls have no interest in me, I am not using using porn, and not MB as much also

Sooner or latter somethings gotta give............. It might be me !

[zerotolerance]

Here's one of my p poems....

I found your secrets, just the other day.
The stash of porn, you had tucked away.

You'd said, you wouldn't use it anymore,
and in this grand display, it went out the door.

You said, you didn't, really want it, anyway,
it was just something to pass the time away,
and that I was more important, to you, any day.

I remember when you used to share,
and when it wasn't always there.
Or, Was it that, I didn't know back then,
or has it always been?

How can you stand right there, and lie to me, right to my face?
How did we fall, so far, far, down, into this horrid place?

How many do you have to see?
And when will you look back at me?

What is it's hold, that makes you lie?
Why is it, live or die?

Why do you tell me I should feel those ways,
things I couldn't feel in a billion days.

There's not enough pics on all Gods' earth,
so around p take a wide birth,

He didn't know he'd hurt me so,
He didn't know where his hobby would go.

He should have known, the path is clear.
If porn is close, soul death is near.

[zerotolerance]

Here's another one. But I don't still feel all these ways. I've found some forgiveness, and compassion, and I've lost some bitterness, but this is what I wrote one day, nonetheless.... I tried to edit for profanity, I hope I got em all.

I know that you do this on purpose to me
I know that misery's where you want me to be.

I know that you like to hurt me these ways
and I hope you are happy in your alone days

I know all the mean things that you've done to me.
I know all the secrets, you think I don't see.
but you are a fool to think you are fooling me.

I was a fool for a very long time
I'd give you my shirt or my very last dime

I shutter to remember how I gave you my soul
Oh the destruction you wrought as your goal

Stealing and lying are your way of life
And that is the only way I became wife

The day is real close when I'll walk away.
Then all alone your games you can play.

You can play sad, like it isn't your fault.
But the truth is this is what you wrought.

You think I wear the (crap) that you sling
But on the inside I am still perfectly clean

You will be stuck the toddler you are
and I will move on and then I will go far

I will never forgive you the things that you done
I will always think you are the lowest of scum

No more emotion inside me for you.
No care at all, for what you will do.

You can whack it as much as you want.
I'll no longer be here to tell you no don't.

I know you prefer to have sex all alone.
I bet you know how to lick your own bone.

It takes a real man to please a gal like me.
And that is just something that you'll never be.

You get your jollys, when you're mean to me.
Now it is mean too, that I've learned to be.

You will get yours, and your day it is near.
I will leave here, and I won't shed a tear.

I cant wait to tell you, you've miserably failed
and you are the one that can go straight to he!!

You are the one that is f-d in the head
You are the one that deserves to be dead

Oh I'd never kill you, it's just not my style
But I will tell all, exposing you're vile

You'll rue the day that you f-d with me.
You will pay dearly as I'm sure we shall see.

It won't be money, nor death, nor physical pain
But the rest of your life you'll feel internal rain
We both know you are the a$$hole, you see
And that is the (crap) that you slung out at me
I always knew, so the real joke is on you
You see I am quite normal and you are the fool

[completelydone]

ZT,

Those are great. I'm going to start a SO's poem thread. Could you repost those there?

Thanks,
CD