Post by imtheoneincontrol on Dec 27, 2007 17:20:57 GMT -5
I'd like to start a thread here where people might share insights into what it means to be alone but not lonely, and what it means to be lonely - whether a person's actually alone or actually together with someone else but can't help the feeling of loneliness.
I'll start: this Christmas I had several days with my family, though I still spent much of the time by myself with a book I don't normally get to read. Although I was alone I didn't feel lonely; I felt very in touch with the narrator, who isn't even a person I can see or hear in front of me. I wouldn't consider him a close friend of mine, as he knows nothing about me, but I feel very in touch with his life and/or his imagination. On the other hand I feel lonely when I'm around lots of people who all seem to have their lives already going for them, and I stand there wondering how to make small talk and break into their circles. I feel lonely after going to a bar and hanging out with good friends, but seeing at the bar a ton of attractive women I would love to get to know but for some reason can't. I feel lonely when my romantic life seems hopeless.
I also don't feel lonely when I'm with the porn performers on the web. But I feel quite lonely and destitute when it's all over. It seems as though some levels of intimacy were never meant to be shared over electronic circuits. The stuff is like crack. Once I get the notion I might end up doing it that night, everything in my body works to persuade my mind that it's good and natural and that I'll enjoy every minute of it. The thought of doing something else with my time becomes humdrum and repulsive. Everything else seems like a letdown by comparison. Work some more? Are you crazy? Read a book? Are you some sort of a nerd? Watch a normal movie? What are you, a child? These thoughts race through my brain. I become acutely aware that there's no woman around to fulfill my needs. I die to the world and drown in the euphoric crack sensations of porn.
I'll start: this Christmas I had several days with my family, though I still spent much of the time by myself with a book I don't normally get to read. Although I was alone I didn't feel lonely; I felt very in touch with the narrator, who isn't even a person I can see or hear in front of me. I wouldn't consider him a close friend of mine, as he knows nothing about me, but I feel very in touch with his life and/or his imagination. On the other hand I feel lonely when I'm around lots of people who all seem to have their lives already going for them, and I stand there wondering how to make small talk and break into their circles. I feel lonely after going to a bar and hanging out with good friends, but seeing at the bar a ton of attractive women I would love to get to know but for some reason can't. I feel lonely when my romantic life seems hopeless.
I also don't feel lonely when I'm with the porn performers on the web. But I feel quite lonely and destitute when it's all over. It seems as though some levels of intimacy were never meant to be shared over electronic circuits. The stuff is like crack. Once I get the notion I might end up doing it that night, everything in my body works to persuade my mind that it's good and natural and that I'll enjoy every minute of it. The thought of doing something else with my time becomes humdrum and repulsive. Everything else seems like a letdown by comparison. Work some more? Are you crazy? Read a book? Are you some sort of a nerd? Watch a normal movie? What are you, a child? These thoughts race through my brain. I become acutely aware that there's no woman around to fulfill my needs. I die to the world and drown in the euphoric crack sensations of porn.