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Post by toland on Dec 21, 2007 10:10:15 GMT -5
Well not totally, I have m/b today while looking at porn and I keep trying to tell myself its ok, most guys do it every now and again. I'm going to make sure I dont slip again today at least. I dont even know if I feel I let myself down as I didnt m/b yesterday I'm kinda relieved I managed to today in a way as before I was doing it 3-4 times a day and unable to get hard, didnt seem to have that problem today though, though probably would if I tried to do it again.
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Post by Big Country on Dec 21, 2007 16:45:23 GMT -5
Unfortunately, I have never been successful just trying to cut down on porn. It's kind of like an alcoholic trying to cut down on drinking. I don't think you will be too successful. Perhaps others would like to chime in on this stance?
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Post by pac2544 on Dec 21, 2007 17:05:14 GMT -5
I have been seeing a therapist and he has advised me to mb without looking at porn to dissociate myself from it. I haven't been able to do it yet but I can understand his thinking. I use porn to relieve stress, too. I also use it to keep from wanting a relationship because I always seem to screw them up. Or I go to porn and screw it up. Either way I have a hard time staying away from porn. I know it affects my personality. I am much more out going when I don't look at porn. I was drinking a lot. I want to stop that too. It is so hard to stop this. But I may try my therapists suggestion to see if I can stop the porn. With out MB I don't care to look for very long. With it I can stay online for hours. Maybe this is bad advicce for some o I apologise if that is so for you.
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wamu
New Member
Posts: 26
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Post by wamu on Dec 21, 2007 17:17:25 GMT -5
y not quit all together? I have made this point once b4 but i never have to tell myself it's ok when i go to the gym. I'm never thinking to myself, hey it's ok that i exercised today...lot's of guys do it. I guess b/c i don't feel any shame or guilt from working out. nor do i get those feelings when i study or pay my bills on time....it's ok man lots of guys pay their bills on time...its a perfectly normal activity. doesn't that sound ridiculous? anyway i guess there is a reason why we have this little self talk w/ourselves every time we mb. try 2 figure out why we feel like we must have that talk w/ourselves for some activities and not for others.
also...i have that same freaking prob....u know about the hardness issue. that sux butt. nothing makes u feel less like a man then not being able to do the one thing u want to do cuz ur body can't do it cuz u been @ it like a mindless slave 4 the last 10-15 yrs. that's enough to just tick me off and make me not want to do it @ all. has it happened to u w/a woman yet...a real live woman. that was a real wake up call 4 me. that's a situation that really bites. if it hasn't happened i hope u never have to experience it cuz it suuuuuuuuuuuux. oh yeah and 3 things about this situation: 1) it does matter, 2) it doesn't happen to lots of guys 3) she prob is going to tell a few of her friends.....ha ha ha
whatever....i don't want to b the guy that just does it now and then or 2x a yr or whatever i want to be the guy that doesn't do that @ all, and just uses the whole sexual act 4 what it was intended 4 & how it was intended to be used. People on this board are quitting left and right and succeeding and i don't believe they are anymore special or unique than u or me. for goodness sake we all have the same freaking story, it's as if we all got together and decided to plagiarize each other. so if they can make 100 days they can make 100 yrs and so can we man. so y not just quit. You can freaking do it friend. Just make it thru the next minute w/o mb/p then make it thru the next hour then make it thru the next day then wake up and make it thru that day then do it for the rest of ur life 1 day at a time. You obviously feel bad about it if u have to tell urself it's ok, so let's do something about it. Step into the arena and fight this thing. You can do it.
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Post by grillo on Dec 21, 2007 17:55:26 GMT -5
I think cutting down is a bad tactic. Best draw a hard line and just don't do it. If you cut down you have very little barrier to stop you slipping back in to your bad habits and levels.
Personally, I have just cut out porn. Pure masturbation is okay in my book, although I know many people here disagree .
Anywayz, I'm 26 days clean and green.
And not backing down.
No Way.
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Post by kjt1981 on Dec 24, 2007 9:28:43 GMT -5
ive lapsed a couple of times in the last week, but often now i find myself less and less stimulated by P. Today, for instance, i have viewed for an hour, without MB, before i finally woke up and said to myself "what are you DOING?". Ive now viewed twice in two weeks which is a massive improvement, and as i say, i find myself less and less stimulated by it. So in a sense, i am cutting down on it, but this is not really the path i have chosen (ie to cut down gradually), im am attempting to go plain cold turkey, but have found it difficult, mainly through boredom (out of work, no social life). So considering all the time i have on my hands, i still feel im doing pretty well, although i would liek to quit completely.
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Post by pac2544 on Dec 25, 2007 19:47:21 GMT -5
Well, I tried the mb thing w/o porn and it just didn't excite me at all. I was thinking of really perverted stuff, nothing like what I look at. So I went back to porn. I guess it was a bad idea to think it was alright to mb at all. So my advice is to not do that if you can help it.
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Post by unwiseguy on Dec 31, 2007 12:02:09 GMT -5
I wonder, pac, if I mb almost for entertainment's sake, rather than because of a real passion or human stimulation occurring in my life. If you mb with the same frequency as you did with the p stimulation, no wonder it wasn't exciting.
I'd agree with the therapist saying to disassociate from porn. Even mb is closer to reality than p.
Personally, I'm hiding on this message board right now, hoping that the demon goes away.
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Post by Spectre50 on Jan 2, 2008 1:38:01 GMT -5
Personally, I think that the therapist is an idiot. MBing without porn will only give you something to fall back on. In other words, you will look to MB (without porn) to fill the void that porn left behind. The problem is that it is still a solo sexual act. Instead of fantasizing about the girl on the screen or paper, you are fantasizing about the girl in your head. And you are still doing it alone! Sex is supposed to be a mutual, shared act, not something done solo.
As for the cutting back deal...Don't. Your goal is total sobriety, you can't have partial sobriety. Either you are in the act, or you're not. If you are cutting back, you are still in the act, and therefore, not sober.
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