Porn is paralysing my life - HELP

[mike]

I am here after a very long time, I don't remember how long, many monthes. For sometime I started giving up on porn because I thought I couldn't manage the pressure of resisting anymore so I kind of threw the towel, temporarily anyway..... until three days ago as I have been hitting the bottom again and it is leading now to all kinds of problems in my life, in fact I realise now that I might be on the verge of losing my job because I was so depressed that I wasn't able to go to work..... Now it seems everything in my life is going wrong and I can blame a lot of it on porn, I have become a very unconfident person, who has almost lost all hope in life, all joy in life, in God, i feel i've also become unsocial, i can't seem to talk to people and socialise in the same as I used to, on top of that i think i may have become a no life due to porn, lost interest in the activities i used to enjoy such as reading and physical activity, I seem much more stressed when something wrong happens, much more worried on most of all much more sensitive, as tho I could cry if somebody poked me and break down in tears, has anyone out here experiences these? I feel my heart has hardened a lot also and I am really scared

I need to establish contact with some people out here please advice me and perhaps i need regular contact on PM with some for support

thank you in advance

[SouthernGuy]

mike,

You've come to the right place. This battle can be difficult, and I certainly can understand the temptation to give up. BUT YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE CLEAN! May I recommend that you only look at today? Don't worry about how you're possibly going to stay clean for a week/month/year/etc. Only worry about today, maybe just this hour, and let the rest take care of itself.

FYI, a new support board (that replaces this one) has just started. Some of the usual posters have moved over there, and others are staying here for the moment. To get the full benefit of this recovery tool, you may want to check them both from time to time until the transition is complete.

Welcome, and take care,

SG

[Rorke's Drift]

Mike,

You are certainly on the righ track posting a message on this sight, aren't you? I mean, think about all the porn addcicts out there that are secretly struggling with this disease that aren't even consciously aware that they are addicted or that such HELP sites as this exists.

So give yourself a pat on the back....you're on the right track.

But you're gonna need to raise the bar...here are some ideas -

1. have a prayer life, relationship with God (recovery won't work successfully without it).
2. read some self help books. Read Chicken Soup for the Soul and read bout a dozen more and see where that takes you.
3. Write some AFFIRMATIONS on index cards and recite them daily at least twice a day....and over and over in your head.
4. Set some goals on paper, review them daily, and make it happen.
5. Make a "winner's log" write down about a 100 victories you've had in your life...read over them, and keep a log of daily victories, commend yourself for it....water your self esteem with a much need sprinker.
6. Spend some time reflecting on the way you would like things to be in your life each day, think about it as if it was truly a reality....particulary before you got to bed, over and over.
7. Set up some accountability with sombody about P addiction. The more open you are about it, the less prone you will be to go that route.
8. Exercise...whether you like it or not...get in a habit of doing it about 4 days per week.
9. Forgive everybody that's hurt you. Reverse it and think that you actually hurt them, then it's much easier to forgive them, but you must forgive everybody.
10. Think about the guy (role model who inspires you) learn why they inspire you, and try to be that guy. For me, it's late legendary General George Patton without his flaws ( quick mouth, nervous doubts, etc)

Get tough Mike. Set some goals and win. The Good Lord has great plans for you.

Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don't quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don't quit until you reach it. Never quit.
Bear Bryant


Rorke's Drift

[breakingfree]

Mike,

Welcome to the board. This forum can serve as a foundation for your recovery. Come here daily to vent, to question, to share, to learn. Start a journal today. Read about P addiction and recovery. Find meetings in your area. Make a commitment to recovery.

Thanks for joining us on the road to recovery.

bf

[mike]

thank you very much for your responses, I am trying, I really think I should join the sexual anonymous group I found recently, i'm a bit ashamed and scared to go there, but i should go I believe... it will help a lot... I will move to the new forum as I wasn't aware of the new one yet

[imtheoneincontrol]

I feel a need to play devil's advocate here. A lot of people seem convinced that porn is ruining their lives somehow, but it may be that this is putting the cart before the horse. To be sure, porn doesn't help any. But I think what's needed often is work on self esteem and self confidence. What can help these? Self affirmation can help, but I think even more important is learning how to do things well in life. We crave accomplishment and recognition from others. For me, things as simple as waking up on time can improve my self confidence. When I get that feeling that my life just needs to be put in order, I try to do simple things well and congratulate myself on these little accomplishments. It's amazing how difficult it can be sometimes to straighten up my apartment or wake up a little earlier. It's nothing I would ever hold up as a prized accomplishment. It would be embarrassing in a lot of circumstances to admit that I struggle with these things. Yet I need to come to terms with them on my own; I need to recognize that these are things I can improve upon. Porn is certainly something we need to focus on doing without, but that can be a difficult goal to think about. If our goal is to stay clean of porn forever, how will we ever be able to reward ourselves for doing so? My new feeling is that I need to learn how to take POSITIVE steps - i.e., I need to start DOING things that will improve my life, my social life, and my self esteem. The porn will become old hat as a result, though I acknowledge there will be times when I'm tempted and must learn how to resist.