I'm sick of it, I need your help.

[silentprocess]

Hello,

I don't know how to begin, but it doesn't really matter I guess. I'm a porn addict, and I can't take it anymore I want support and accountability and am very grateful that I found this board. I hope to meet people on this board that can take an active interest in how I'm doing as I will try to do for them as well, but right now I honestly am beaten up quite a bit and am sorry to say I need you much more than anyone needs me.

I know you can't stop me nor directly help me in my moment of need but I need people to be there for me that understand the horrible pain I carry inside everytime I refuse to value myself and go back to looking at something that can never satisfy. I need your help desperately....

I will tell a bit about myself I suppose (since that seems to be proper). I'm 29 and a christian, I've been a christian for a little over a year now and have quit drinking and smoking, thank you Jesus! I've been a porn addict for years and never thought much about it until I became a christian and realized the damage it caused to myself and the ones I love. I'm divorced and have one child. I'm currently single and not looking.

I do have some questions, mostly how to utilize this board in the best way possible for support. How exactly does the journal thing work? Please explain, I've read the stickies in there but want a better understanding of it's purpose and how it helps people. I'm sick and tired and hurt, I've been "sober" for 2 days thus far but I've been like that before and failed.. I'm sick of this cycle, this depressing cycle of destruction it torments me horribly and I just want help..

Thank you anyone who reads and replies I will check back frequently. I currently only have internet access at work, for my jobs purposes so will be here to answer posts during the daytime during the week.

God bless you all.. and thank you.

[Curious Voyager]

Have you read Cranes Out of the Shadows If not that is a good place to start.

Read through the archives here and get familiar with who folks are. Some will grate you the wrong way and some will become good friends. There are all kinds of people here.

Be patient with your Self and take your time getting acquainted here.

Have you done any previous recovery work or counseling?

[Three Legged Dog]

Welcome silentprocess. This is a good place, there are good people here who will help you, most much more than I can. Come here and read whenever you have the urge to act-out. It is the single most effective deterrent I have found.

Listen to God, to others, and to yourself in that order.

[silentprocess]

I haven't heard of that author nor the book, but will look into it for sure, anything to get a foothold. Yeah I'll definitely take your advice and read through some of the stuff and see what I can glean from other posts, thanks for the suggestion. Thank you for both your replies. I think perhaps in a few days I may start a journal as well, I have to find out what I think of the idea first and determine if I think it will help or not.

Thank you again Curious Voyager and Three Legged Dog

Regards,

silent

[kyle]

Silentprocess,

To start things off I want to say this. Like all my other initial posts, the words here are completely heartfelt. I have written several to new folks and I have the same intent behind each of them, but it is sometimes hard for me to get the words right. I have made this one that I send to the newcomers and want you to know that I mean everything written. I think John has a similar thing and I agree with him that These are sincere words to you and each new person here.

I first want to welcome you to the first day of your new life. I, and many others, will tell you that you have taken a HUGE first step in your goal of recovery. You have opened yourself up and allowed others to see and for many, that is the Hardest part of all. Truly admitting that you have a problem is big in starting your recovery.

I am glad that you have chosen to seek out help. I waited much too long, 20+ years, and it nearly destroyed my family. Congratulations on seeing this as a problem and taking the appropriate steps to break free.

As for me, I follow God. I know others here do not have the same beliefs as I, and they will be sharing with you as well. I follow my faith very closely now and have grown a lot because of that. I have begun a free on line course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com called the way of purity. This is a biblically based course that I have found extremely helpful with my recovery. there are several of us on this forum who I have seen are committed to this course and have been helped by it.

Secondly, there are several book that are very good reading and have excellent advise to follow. I am currently reading The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott . I have a couple more waiting in the wings to read; Facing your Giants by Max Lucado and a couple that are also marriage related. The seven principles for making Marriage work by John Gottman and The war Within by Robert Daniel. I have found these very helpful so far and look forward to picking up th next book to continue in the right direction.

Third I would suggest coming here often. I come here daily and read what others are going through and it helps me to see where I was, where I am and most importantly, where I am going. Focus is a key and maintaining that focus will carry me through.

Again I welcome you and wish you great successes in your recovery from this horrible sin that has plagued our lives.

God bless you and yours. Keep the faith my Brother,

[silentprocess]

Thank you Kyle for the response. I think what would be in my best interest for now is to just to completely cut off any internet access I have that is not protected by software designed to block all offensive content. When I get my computer at home I will have Bsafe installed on it and perhaps accountability software installed as well, I won't have the passwords to the software and will have to get permission for any and every site that is blocked to have access to it. However humbling or possibly humiliating this may seem to be, I can't afford to have it otherwise. And simply said my life in Jesus Christ and my life in general cannot have porn in it and I'm not unnecessarily exposing myself anymore. I will not visit this site unless it is on a computer that has a mass amount of blocking/accountability software or unless I have someone watching me, but I will be back once I get this arranged because I believe this environment will help me..

Again, thank you for your comments and replies.

God bless.