Ready for the next step, I need help.

[Three Legged Dog]

I started a stupid thread "Life is one big addiction". It sort of made light of addiction and CV called me on it. I rebelled, not ready to give up my "wholesome addictions".

But he got me thinking, I really have traded one addiction for another, no, several others. I know they are addictions because they cause trouble with my family, and they are a good family.

How do you fix an addictive personality? All my current addictions would be healthy activities if they weren't pursued to such extremes. But the extremes are just symptoms, how do you find the root causes, can you?

I think some of it is inherited. My father stopped drinking 30 years ago, I haven't got along with him since. I didn't like him drunk, but I couldn't tolerate the selfish b*st*rd he became. He's still trading addictions and so am I. As I get older, I'm going down that path, I hate it, HATE IT.

Do you just get good at managing the symptoms? I could probably deal with that but it seems like a compromise with the devil. And sooner or later the trading is going to lead to a grand slam by satan.

I am a selfish a$$hole and I need help. I love my family, I provide, but most interactions are on my terms. If I seen someone acting like I do I'd want lay them out.

My stepfather was a good man, he was my real father from age 9. He is why I know how I should act, I miss him a lot. I feel like there is a biological jerk living inside constantly ripping apart the morals and principles that I like to think make me.

I'm starting to break up, thanks for listening.

[Three Legged Dog]

P.S. Not just getting things off my chest here, I'm asking for help. If this is the wrong forum, please let me know.

[addict70]

OK well I'm new at this, really really new, and have pretty much summed up all my previous advice as me acting like an a$$. But if you're really looking for responses, and nobody else is doing it, here's my head up my a$$ opinion.

awm said:

I feel like there is a biological jerk living inside constantly ripping apart the morals and principles that I like to think make me.

It's the blame it on the real daddy syndrome. I used to do it all the time when I'd do something stupid and feel bad about it. You're the only one who can shred your morals and principles. Not your father or your DNA strand. My real dad was a wife beating, selfish, drunk, womanising peice of horse dung. I've been accused of being many things, but I'm not that. I'll never be that.

Maybe we should forget about our dads, look at who we are, look at who we want to be, and figure out how to get there.

But look, I dont have a wife anymore, I dont have kids, I dont know the first thing about kids, most kids dont even like me, so just take it for what it is. Not trying to bash, just saying consider focusing on yourself for the answers not your family history.

[megan11]

Do you think maybe you have an OCD? If you have OCD that could be a reason why you take things to such extremes, even healthy addictions. I only ask this because i have been known to go to extremes with certain things, even healthy things. I can become obsessive.

[Three Legged Dog]

addict70,
thanks for replying, maybe your right. I don't really blame my dad, I just see myself acting like him and I don't like it. But that's blame by proxy and people here are probably weary of any blame game.

I don't know, I'm probably bringing this all up in the wrong forum. A couple posts today were from places very dark. Much worse situations than mine.

It's like this forum has helped me to the point where I need to search elsewhere for the next step. I'll always come here though, but start less new threads and read more. Thanks buddy.

Thanks to you too megan11, I don't know much about OCD but it gives me a starting point.

[SouthernGuy]

You know, this is a good comment, I can relate. I don't think of it as placing blame, just trying to understand where I'm coming from.

My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic and abusive. He committed suicide before I was born. It's pretty clear now that he was bipolar and had clinical depression and didn't get any formal treatment for it. I have two brothers that have had significant problems with drug addictions -- one went to jail, both have had ruined marriages as a result. Now, I don't have a temptation to use chemicals to get my fix, but I do find that I have tendencies to addictive behaviors (like p) in an attempt to deal with my own depression. I truly do believe that I have a genetic tendency to these type of problems.

The good news is that just because we have a "tendency" does not mean that we are "forced" to act in a particular way. The difficulty in trying to fix such tendencies is the same as with any psychological problem, we're trying to modify our mind with our mind. It can be very confusing at times, but if we keep at it we can have "normal" lives.

Knowing that this is the "source" of my problem doesn't change my coping strategies, but it may help me seek out help from the right source, or at least help me frame the problem correctly in my mind.

My 2 cents.

SG