What I won't do.

[falter]

OK. This is my first day here so If I'm going against the grain by not lurking long enough then I apologize. I am 24 years old, married, and have been "into" P since I was about 15. I typically spend 2-3 hrs a day on my addiction. I know I am addicted to it because I have hurt my wife in the past with it, after that I vowed to break what I thought at the time was a bad habit. That was about three years ago.
I feel like a fool. I am tired of wasting my time on something that has no benefit for me whatsoever. When I step back and look at the big picture I am disgusted to realize how much of my LIFE I have wasted, and continue to waste on something so degrading and self destructive. My wife thinks I broke the habit, but all that really happened was I got better at hiding it. I love her. How she can love me I don't think I'll ever understand, but she does and I am eternally grateful. I am in a bad place to be trying to straighten this mess out but I am determined. I am in the Army and currently deployed to Iraq, my wife is back home in GA, sounds like BS excuses, I agree.
So... I feel it would help me to make these affirmations aloud.
Pornography is destructive to my relationship and personal well-being. I WILL NOT pander to the child in me that demands it.
My wife is a beautiful person and should be treated as such. I WILL NOT deny her the husband that she deserves to have.
Time is not something that I can ever get back. I WILL NOT continue to waste time that could be better spent improving myself while I am deployed.

It felt pretty good to say that, I am thankful that this board is here at all. Today is day one for me, I intend to be through with all this by the time I go home in AUG/SEP. I hope, no I WILL do this. Thanks for being my sounding board.

[Curious Voyager]

Welcome brother. Keep your tail down over there.

What have you learned thus far about this addiction? Do you have a "recovery plan" yet?

[Three Legged Dog]

Be through with it now. You need a plan but you don't need 'till AUG/SEP to stop viewing porn.

When you feel the urge to act-out:
1. Come her e and read. Post if you like, but read.
2. Pray or just relax.
3. Focus on your loved ones.

God bless you soldier.

[somedude]

Hey falter, you can do it!

I post this somewhat often, especially for newer members, or those struggling with the mechanics of sobriety. I still update my lists frequently.

To deal with urges, and to get a start on recovery, I recommend that you write a few quick lists. These lists are part of your Recovery Plan, and are meant to be continually modified as you learn from successes and failures along the way - recovery is a process.

The first list is a list of reasons that you want to quit. Write it on a small piece of paper and carry it with you. When you feel an urge, read the list. Often, any kind of reminder can jolt you back to reality.

The second list is the 3 circles exercise. Draw a small circle, around it draw a larger circle, around that draw a larger circle. In the middle write down all the things you cannot do anymore if you want to be sober. Porn, masturbation, youtube, myspace, webshots - these are a few examples. Basically inner circle stuff is stuff that feels like acting out. If it feels that way it is that way. In the outer circle, put the things that are healthy to do - exercise, recovery things, good things that are absolutely NOT acting out activities. These are the things to fill your sober life with. In the middle circle, put stuff you're unsure about. The middle circle is the gray area stuff. For me, going to visit some friends I have on the local college campus might be a middle circle behavior - am I going to visit, or to ogle college girls? Some middle circle things might get moved to the inner circle later on in recovery.

The third list is one that lists other ways to overcome urges. Mine has things like walking away from the computer, coming to this site, calling my wife, reading my list of reasons, and other things like that.

Listing your reasons to quit is a very helpful way to begin recovery. Doing the three circles exercise is a great way to help define your problem, and a great way to get yourself to continue growing your understanding of the issues particular to your addiction. Finally, having the last list is a way to assemble your weapons for the battle to come. When the addict comes calling, you will be prepared to say "NO", and succeed.

You can do it!

Tim